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Make Progressive House Music Great Again.
Nairobi, Kenya
Joined October 2016
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Pinned Tweet
Do it for future you.
I promise you'll never walk out of the gym feeling worse than you walked in.
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35yr old me in my father's house when they decide it's malenge for supper.
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Nimetoka late gym kama nimebeat after kuinua deadlift 90kgs halafu nikakosa mat, nikaamua nitembee, napatana na tujamaa tuwili combined weight ya kidū 60kgs tukiwa kwa nduthi tukaniambia nitoe simu. Haha nimefurahi sana juu mkono imekaa bila kufunguka..anyways nauza hii RT widely
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Mnalala tu vizuri kwa amani halafu kitu saa tisa usiku unaskia kuna mtu analia kwa bafu na simu yako haiko kwa charge hahahah
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The fact that i don't know if this is well done or horrible work, makes me even more worried.
The guy who can do it cheaper was given the job & it seems he made the owner get an handkerchief to wipe tears!!
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Ukiingia hoteli za kilami mletewe ndimu za kunawa mikono na wewe ushakula yako
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The lady that cleans our house huwa anakula my biscuits everytime she comes nashangaa who eats my biscuits buana leo nimemwachia edibles najua atapika hadi chai ndio azichangamkie hahaha nimeenda kazi nitawashow nikirudi.
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Ati mumesema miti zimeingia Vera Sidika zinaweza fence Kajiado county mzima? 😂😂 Girl claiming to be tighter than Taveta. Girl you lying!! 😂😂
#KCPE2018
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Video called this one just cause I wanted her to see my tears down my chin kumbe wako na jamaa mwingine hapo. Waliisha ajab.. Kwanza jamaa alikuwa anacheka akipiga piga meza.
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Kikuyu choir be like " mwathani wakwa jakaniria tawa nyumitwo thutha ni nduma nene" lmao
Ndukiinuke tene wamaitha.
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I once called a chile I dated long time ago. Kuna morio alipick akasema "mwenyewe hayuko karibu" mimi na mimi nikajifanya gangster nikamuuliza "na mbona unachukua simu za wenyewe" sahio machozi imekuja kukuja haha siet
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Nishai date yengs hakuwa ananipenda ata kidogo. Nilimletea flowers siku moja halafu nikampata kwa bafu aki yawn ndio machozi itoke. I couldn't believe it
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Airtel wakikwambia dm number wanaendanga kukuharibia network zaidi ndio uwache kuwaanika
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From that Fatxo story, pombe si kitu fiti men. Mimi nimewahi jipata kikuyu kwa a married woman after tumetoka clabu uthiru. Nilizima in one of the bedrooms. Kumbe alisahau pia niko area buana. Naskia wakiombe breakfast with her 4kids nauko sitting.
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KOT help me expose Kilimall. Bro I've hustled hadi nightshift to replace my broken laptop with a new one yenye niliorder and you can imagine lapii haijawahi nifikia since Jan halafu dms don't go through. Simu walizima. Emails kinda have automatic replies. Shit this sucks yo
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In highschool when you pass the ball to a somali nigga and patiently wait for a return pass
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Utamu wa crush ni time hamuongei, mkianza kuongea unagunduanga kumbe tu ni kafala fulani.
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Unatoshana na Faxe baridi.
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A dated a kiuk girl so kuna siku nimeamka saa tisa usiku nikiskia niko na kitu kwa shingo. Nilidhani aliamka usiku kuninyonga ndio aridhi mali yangu ah kumbe nililala na earphones
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Bro on 31st on got laid. I haven't seen a huge wagon than that before. Mimi nilikuwa nalia nikiwa hukoo nyumaaa. Yaani I couldn't even get hold of her shoulder niuria itina riri inene. Mwathani wa matuini what else is there left to do in this world. Suicide right?
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After strokes na a luhya girl anaamua kuchil kama mmeangalia ceiling unaexpect some romantic words but she hits you with "Hio ni kazi mzuri nimeshukuru asanti" smh ahaha
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Mollage aliniblock just cause I slept with one her friends. Women humove funny
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Kuria I don't know what type of stupidity you own but I admire your total commitment to it. Itina
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Kuna siku Huddah alinidm Instagram nikamwambia am not her type. She cried the whole day smh
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Haha I rem in highschool once, my old man came to see me on visiting. Alikuja late na nilikuwa nimejam na yy mbaya. As if that wasn't enough, alisahau kubeba stew man. Alikuja na chapo kama twedi fae. Ati alitoka na haraka. Now alinimaliza nguvu time alisema "reke njuke na thoda"
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Mkirealize hakunaga anything interesting ndani ya hizi women jeans life starts to make sense
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Hahahah Kenyan ladies on that Amerix story wako caught up between bad english and saying "kwenda uko"
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Parents, families hukuwa tu na mambo. My dad disappeared for 10yrs just to come back and say "no mūikairie matūùra... rehera thoguo gatubia.." Like he was from a holiday smh.
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Gachagua anakaa tu kusema akifika kwa butchery "we gikonyo tatinia karūrimī ga thate..na waruria cumbī wohe mukarie na mukaguo "
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88yr old me in my father's house wondering "guku ona gacai gutirī"
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Haha a chic holding a first class honours from USIU was asked by a professor tukiwa interview ya Engineering how a hydro power station operates akasema "ai si water comes then it's geuzuad to electricity" we all laughed man
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Halafu anarudi kwa bedroom kidogo kidogo anaskia Sauti nauko sitting room "...EA Sports..."
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Realized from all women I've met, I'm always the one initiating for protection time ya kagame. Honestly women out here don't care. You too bro?
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Kuna yengs fulani ali graduate from Strathmore Uni akakuja site ya Engineering nikamshow aniletee spanner number 13, huskii gaidi ilileta spanner kumi na tatu hahaha ndathekire maa
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Men after work tunakuwanga tumechoka. If I found you like this narusha kisu hapo katikati kama dart kama nimeingia bedroom nilale.
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Naskia mtoto akisema " hii mayai bakishia babaa.. " Nashangaa kwani huyu baba ako wapi.
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Mount dribbles past 8 Newcastle players, passes the ball to Gallagher who goes back to the 8 players
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Haha jana tuko bukla na my niggas wakaanza kuambia mayengs ati nimetoka Finland. Zimeshika kila saa nikimake eye contact mayengs wako zile za "karibu Kenya " hahaha smh. Nilishangaa.
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Btw not every girl deserves your meat. Kuna huyu nilimweka zone kitambo halafu akaniita kwake. Nilipitia chemist si kubuy condoms ama nini, nilibuy piritons. So after tumepika nilikunywa nikalala ka fwacken. Naamka asubuhi napata amenikasirikia bana 😂😂😂 vile inafaa
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"Jeff let me tell you something you don't know about me, my first car was a vehicle. "
#JKLive
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Was thinking of a good life together with this one and now she just sent me tirries. Lol crazy that i love tirries but it's the last thing i expected from her and now i gotta let her go. Some women huconceed own goals dakika ya 88. Haha she thinks i'm a teenager or sumn. Direda.
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Nobody:
Not a single person:
Come on it's no one:
Random JKUAT student:
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2020 Kenya has had serious problems and Covid 19 was not one of them
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Ok gentlemen, I have a small problem over here, so niliweka multibet. Kuna these 2 fine shawties who are supposed to be coming. They both want to come. So nataka kucancel moja. One has gadamn siandas zile za Siaya nauko siet but very arrogant. Other one ni first time she's coming
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Huyu mans wa trench coat alikuwa tactical ajab, dude must have watched so many movies hahahah
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I hope you won't text us?
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Hey
@DCI_Kenya
I think this guy was being kidnapped. Ako kwa boot na anaulizia place ako. Don't ignore this call.
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Hio ovacado iko shy. Iambie ipande juu
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Man it's been crazy finding another job. Really need a job now. My employer might be on your timeline. I hold a degree in Bsc. Renewable Energy and Biofuels Technology. Specialized in Solar Energy. Pls RT if this appears on your timeline.
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In my campus days tushai kuwa na morio fulani tulikuwa tunakaa na yeye haha tushai kula rent ya mwezi fulani kwa club in one night. So tulifungiwa keja na landlord. Boiz akamaster padlock so tulikuwa tunaingia 12 usiku tunatoka 5 kabla caretaker aamke. Hatukuwahi fua buana haha
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Bro, my worst experience ya kukatia dame hakutaki was I tried video calling her nikamcheki na boiz wake wakinicheka. Dark days those ones hahaha. Never again
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Tunashangaa kwani hizo nyonyo zilikunywa piriton cause zime over sleep.
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Mko bitter sana na Xtian Dela cause you can't pull hoes like he does haha. It shows
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Some time last month I was travelling from Malaba to Nairobi na tulikuwa tumekaa na mras fulani huko nyuma kwa shuttle. Mras alikuwa jaba ajab. Kukaribia Eldi mras akachapia kadere anadai ku pee ampee tu dakika mbekse. Mras akatoka kupiga shughuli..
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Huyu alikataa ata nimshike after nimemlewesha jana ahaha. Nilimuamsha at 4 aende kwao cause I wake up that early and needed some time alone
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Vera Sidika it's time you grew up and stop acting like a 2-year-old. Exposing private matters won't heal your heart break. If you MASTURBATE THEN YOU MASTURBATE! PERIOD!
#KCPE2018
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Huwa siamini I used to look like this some year back hahahah siet. Someone commented nakaa nyoka imemeza panya lmao
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Mwalimu Rachael asijaribu kugeuzia that boychild. Tuko na receipts zake za anal sex
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She decided cowboy.. Mimi I was there screaming "wamaitha niikujuraga..... Wamaitha nduri thaa... Wamaitha urenda gue... Mwathani njoya "
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Top 10 Reggae Riddims of all time in no particular order:
1. Crown Love Riddim (1st no doubt)
2. Jouvert Riddim
3. Animal instinct Riddim
4. Stop sign Riddim
5. Cold Heart Riddim
5. Futuro (from mi born)
6. Country Bus
7. Bubble Gum
8. Bashment Time
9. Scriptures Riddim
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Unapata dame anashinda akikuangalia kila saa mkiwa kwa church halafu church ikiisha unaamua kumsalimia. Ukimuuliza jina anakuuliza ati mbona unataka kujua, ukimwomba number ati hana simu. Upus tu. Thie ukamie.
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Haha nimekuwa nikiongea na a chile we had a thing in campus na amekuwa akinishow she used to see me everytime na this lec who looked like they don't get paid. Kumbe ni mzae.
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Nili video call galdem wa kwako mkapick call pamoja mkaanza kunicheka. Hio ni umama shoga sana
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Nairobi vijana wanaumizwa sana na people who should be protecting them and nobody talks about it. Jana nimekuwa Kamukunji police station and the patrol officer mwenye alinipata nikikula mayai with my mask on my chin says "wekea huyu robbery kwa OB" and I was like yooh really!!??
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Luhya land unapatanga champe anatoshana na Asamoh na ako class 5 na hajawahi repeat mahali
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Pale primary school kadame ukikauliza "soo?" Kanakushow.... "sausage between your legs.."
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"..unyuaga irīkū.. krest kana stoney" hahahah tulikula hizo machapo nilikuwa naskia tupigane tumalizane..
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Najua she will be like "Tereke nyabe ndituke maisha no maya" hahaha.
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Everyone on this thread think they look good lmao.
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