southpaw ☘
@_SetTheHook_
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Recent: https://t.co/FEJntKzAz2 Judger of books by their cover.
Minnesota, USA
Joined July 2012
If the Earth really was flat, imagine how many people would have jumped off by now.
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My electric toothbrush is like a little vibrator for my teeth.
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Women are like pasta, they get way more flexible when they get wet...
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Apparently heavy petting is not allowed at the zoo or most decent restaurants...
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At some point, Inspirational Tweeters become sarcastic, and this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
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Being added to a Group DM, is the equivalent of being lured into the woods by a creepy clown.
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In the South, wearing a condom to a family reunion is called Planned Parenthood.
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I hate when a coworker says to me "sounds like you have a case of the Mondays" and I end up with 5 years of probation.
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My 85 year old mom just asked me to look something up on my "internet machine".
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If your wife offers to cook you eggs and bacon at 3 in the morning, it’s not your wife and you’re at the Waffle House drunk again.
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