Some people really do include pointless information on CVs. How does you having a brother who lives in Canada help you get a job…in Scotland?

Had a new excuse from a candidate for missing an interview today. Snapped the key in their house door and locked themselves in. Beautiful.

Returning from annual leave and seeing you have 352 CVs to sift through

When a candidate says they can’t attend a job interview because they have an appointment with the job centre:

New EE voicemail just dropped 🔥🔥🔥

Hiring manager: Can I have interviews next week? Me: *books interviews for next week* *next week comes* Hiring manager: I’ve just had someone show up for interview that I knew nothing about! I’ve had to send them away. Me:

Me trying to find a candidate rn

When your new hire no-shows on their first day

I don’t know why this is a thing, but I don’t give a fuck what your Dad’s name is. There is literally NO reason to tell me that on your CV.

Hiring Manager: I would like to hold interviews on *insert day* *day comes* Hiring Manager: What do you mean I have interviews today?????

When you get excited over someone’s CV so you phone them and they’re no longer interested

When a hiring manager scans across a driving licence as someone’s proof of Right to Work for the 500th time

Recruiter: So you’ve applied for the Customer Assistant position, what do you think some of your typical daily tasks would be? Candidate: Assisting customers

Pssssssst. Job seekers. A photo of your qualifications doesn’t pass as a CV.

Reading through the same 10 CV’s trying to determine which one is less shit

No, your lawyer will not be in touch because you got rejected for a job in which you meet none of the essential criteria. Stop being a fucking weirdo.

Interviews are two days away and I only have two candidates booked in. Do I hope the candidates I left voicemails for call me back tomorrow and risk only having two interviewees? Or do I call more candidates and risk having too many candidates and not enough interview slots? 😰😰

Hiring Manager: I’m looking for a part time member of staff. 15 hours per week but they MUST be fully flexible. Oh and no students.

ATTENTION JOB SEEKERS: If a company gives you the option of submitting a cover letter, then they’re looking for a cover letter. Not another copy of your CV.

11:58: *has 15 minute chat with candidate about position, arranges face to face interview* 14:13: *candidate emails to confirm the withdrawal of their application*