Feeling kind of depressed that I have to go to urgent care. But I have been sick and in pain for too long.

I got the job! Thank you to everyone who has supported me or sent positive vibes. 🖤

Today I finally finished writing my dissertation. I know my committee will have comments, and I will have to reformat some things, but to have it finished is a huge relief. I’m looking forward to defending in the not to distant future. Thank you to everyone who has supported me.

I’ve been sick this entire month and I’m lowkey starting to get worried a little.

Tomorrow, I have a job call with researchers at an Ivy League university for a potential research position. I appreciate any good vibes sent my way. 🤞🏽

Forgot who I was for a second but locked back in.

I’ve been trying to run 1.5 miles in 13:35 or under for literally months. Today, I finally did it lol.

I realized a self-defeating cycle I need to break. 1. I feel depressed and sad. 2. I engage in self-defeating behaviors. 3. I feel depressed and sad because of my behaviors. I simply need to be more comfortable knowing I will be sad at times.

✌🏽

I’m actually proud of myself for once. I was having trouble decomposing a three-way variable into a binary variable for my dissertation. I figured out the syntax to do that and now I can accurately state the three-way variable interaction. I’m hard on myself so this is nice.

The fact that people don’t even think about me at all makes me realize I either need to change what I do or who I interact with if I want to be regarded.

I hope everyone reading this knows they are loved by me, capable of fulfilling their potential, and stronger than their worst days.

4/4 Please know, it is reciprocated.

3/4 From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who has checked in with me, sent good vibes, or otherwise held me in their thoughts. More than anything I am grateful for the opportunity to be the opposite of my mom, and the love I receive from everyone.

2/4 I’m relieved she is no long alive to torment others, which is what I have no doubt she would be doing if she was still alive. Every single day I try to be the opposite of the pure evil mother I was born to.

1/4 A year ago today, my mother died. She abused me until I was 9, went to prison, and never repented, even after I tried to reform a relationship with her. I’m still processing the pain, anger, and relief from her death.

Before and after.

If I were to disappear, nobody would care.

Finally replaying Red Dead Redemption 2 fully this time. I know how it ends but it always gets me emotional.

So a yt woman called a black kid the n-word and other yt people sent her $200k? No sun dodger better ask me for a cent ever again.