will defries
@willdefries
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Following
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always trim the wicks on your scented candles — @sundayscaries @circlingbackpod @ladfootballbruv
Joined April 2013
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My son, 7, has discovered “deez nuts” jokes and it’s all he says now. Everything is deez nuts. He simply can’t stop.
I asked him where he heard that joke. He made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. I agreed. So he leans in and whispers, “deez nuts.”
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never forget about the insanely british kid who threatened to uppercut santa if he’s on the naughty list
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jackson mahomes trying to scale his way into kelce’s suite to do a tiktok with taylor
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this feels like when your boy in high school claimed a hot girl from a couple schools over was going to the dance with him and she actually showed up
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when bieber hits that first “shawty wit you” in mistletoe >>>>>>>
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how the 6 mg zyn hits behind your wife's back at brett's holiday party
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while this objectively rules, imagine how much more it would rule if each of these bottles had individual grooves in the neck that shot beer down your throat at a faster rate than a normal longneck
Four guys eight buckets, we all worked from home today. THIS. IS. MARCH.
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PHIL COLLINS: so what exactly are you looking for
PRODUCERS OF TARZAN: just go tf off, king
PHIL COLLINS: say no more fam
PRODUCERS OF TARZAN: on god?
PHIL COLLINS: on god
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can’t even imagine how much blow these two ran through together, just piles of it
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stephen about to fire off a “haha was just looking though old pictures and saw this” text
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team usa looking like it’s night three of a bachelor party and someone made the steakhouse reservation for 9:30 instead of 7:30
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post-bachelor party two-hour drive to the airport and a late b-group boarding position on southwest
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you: *breathes*
girl in sequined top on new year’s eve: honestly fuck new year’s eve this holiday is so stupid where’s my champagne how dare uber charge 6x on the busiest bar night of the year can someone take a portrait mode photo of me in this dark bar where is caroline
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@bigcontentguy
how are you supposed to get locked in if they're just taking all your coping mechanisms at the door
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this is what it looked like when you were 19 and your buddy with a fake showed up with a handle of $12 vodka
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my w*fe scheduled professional family photos for 8 am friday after thanksgiving, traditionally a time when everyone absolutely loves getting their photo taken professionally
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i could watch david blaine throw up live frogs with drake dave chappelle and steph curry forever
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i dunno, arie, maybe just save the engagement ring for the vacation you’re about to go on rather than doing it in front of a live studio audience who hates everything about you
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girls in their mid-20s on saturday morning
𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝
𝕞𝕚𝕞𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕤, 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖
𝖍𝖔𝖑𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊 𝖏𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖊
𝚌𝚞𝚣 𝚒’𝚖 𝚊 𝚋𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚜𝚜
ｗｉｔｈ ａ ｇｏｏｄ ａｓｓ
𝒿𝑒𝒻𝒻 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒽𝒶𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝓉𝑒𝓍𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀
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70+ degrees and sunny in austin, texas baby lets goooooo
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justin bieber sporting the 'white dude who obviously listens to kanye' starter kit
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just took a photo for two people in their early 20s and as i walked away one of them said “it’s okay we can just ask someone else to take another one” this is my hell
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instead of sending my mom a christmas list i just sent her this photo of justin bieber
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just saw two cool teens wearing masks on their bmx bikes which means they’re both healthy and siiiiiiiiiiiiiiick
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My son, 7, has discovered “deez nuts” jokes and it’s all he says now. Everything is deez nuts. He simply can’t stop.
I asked him where he heard that joke. He made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. I agreed. So he leans in and whispers, “deez nuts.”
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My son, 1, has discovered the word “dog” and it’s all he says now. Everything is dog. He simply can’t stop.
I asked him where he learned it. He made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. I agreed. So he leans in and whispers, “Had it in me this whole time.”
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i am a:
🔘 man
⚪️ woman
looking for:
⚪️ 100 calories
⚪️ gluten free
⚪️ 2g carbs
⚪️ natural flavors
🔘 all of the above
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the cooler is filled with white claw. the jet skis are full with gas. your body is drenched in spf 4 banana boat tanning oil. florida-georgia line radio is playing in pandora. your wife just left you. life is good.
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me: i’m not doing much today but i’ll let you know
me after three margaritas at lunch:
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Hey, here's a photo of my girlfriend and I from just after she caught the bouquet.
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we got married on a sunday at 4:30, typically a time i dread but now a time i’ll cherish forever
so many people have reached out and we beyond thankful
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wow, my 25-hour-old son just said, “but dad, didn’t those clubs realize that their supporters would revolt because it was a blatant money grab by greedy owners who don’t have an actual interest in the well-being of european football?” very cool
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someone unknowingly referred to their seltzer water as being "like non-alcoholic white claw" at the pool the other day and it was at that moment that i realized how powerful the white claw brand has become
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as someone who thought camila cabello should've been a solo star from her season of x factor, i have something to say
'havana' goooooooooes
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wished my wife a happy earth day today and my 36-hour-old boy said “actually dad, every day should be earth day” so needless to say we’re in good hands with the future generation, so awesome
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tbh this is the biggest red flag we've seen yet
Donald Trump could be the first President without a dog in the White House in nearly 130 years
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hey
@SouthwestAir
i was just informed by your “flight attendant” that you don’t serve black cherry white claw ???
please fix this
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putting tulips in a repurposed bode bag is the sluttiest thing i've ever seen
i know those farmers market workers get happy as hell when they see him
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dozed off for ten minutes and woke up to my 72-hour-old son holding this painting he did, truly remarkable
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this david blaine balloon thing is cool but never forget when he threw up frogs in front of drake, dave chappelle, and steph curry
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weird that aaron rodgers sucks after spending his entire fucking offseason discussing psychedelics on podcasts
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My son, 7, has discovered “deez nuts” jokes and it’s all he says now. Everything is deez nuts. He simply can’t stop.
I asked him where he heard that joke. He made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. I agreed. So he leans in and whispers, “deez nuts.”
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dear internet —
please please please do not retweet this video of
@colton
whiffing the ball, and more importantly, please please please do not subscribe to
@circlingbackpod
and listen to our interview with him
— tysm, will
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*ME DROPPING MY DOG OFF BEFORE LEAVING TOWN*
FRONT DESK: does she take any medications
ME: yes
FRONT DESK: ...okay what are they
ME: one head rub upon waking up and two hugs six hours apart daily
FRONT DESK: dammit dude just leave
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when you show up to brunch and someone starts asking 'do you even remember last night when you...'
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it’s new year’s eve you know what that means a bunch of girls are going to have to pay uber cleaning fees after they get mascara tears all over the backseat because tonight didn’t turn out to be the best night ever and brett was missing at midnight probably with that slut amy
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accidentally squirted lime in my eye while making a margarita, which goes to show you that under no circumstances should you ever stray from white claw
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two types of families on thanksgiving morning — the “lets go run five miles” and the “let’s get drunk”
you know which one you are
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the tool man's crewneck game was absolutely unparalleled
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my son, 14 months, has discovered “deez nuts” jokes and it’s all he says now. everything is deez nuts. he simply can’t stop.
i asked him where he heard it. he made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. i agreed. so he leans in and whispers, “deez nuts.”
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32-year-old man tearing up alone on his couch remembering that this exact person is the reason he got into golf
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so if jack nicklaus can just propose they share the cup in 2003 whats stopping tiger from telling ernie that he wants a playoff, let’s party
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now that everyone knows sally is pregnant, i’ll say something i’ve been waiting to say for months: i cannot wait to buy this baby a thousand bucket hats
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jonah hill going heater / smoothie / cbd oil is unprecedented
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my friend is at a bar with bieber and he has his screen on full brightness, so cocky and luxurious, love it
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i actually don't think it's a coincidence that once a mid-pandemic fantasy football season ended a bunch of money-hungry internet bros almost immediately figured out the stock market with their spare time
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bob stoops dressed like he's about to head to a club and buy drinks for a bunch of 23-year-olds just to feel young again
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got our wedding photos back, something tells me this one won’t go over well
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if your instagram story starts with you saying 'okay guys' while talking into your phone, there's a one hundred percent chance i'm skipping the rest of it
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nevermind, just found out he checked in at the plaza hotel using my credit card, going to have rob schneider go check on him
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always fun when the person who accused you of plagiarism three years ago for using a widely-used phrase (but has since deleted the tweets!) quote tweets your podcast
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this dude in my neighborhood is going guns blazing into 2019 and i love it
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Does “Paris” by The Chainsmokers still go?
Yes 100%
No 0%
7,763,061,655 votes • Final results.
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comparing and contrasting the various flavors of white claw with the squad
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little dude really said he was going to uppercut santa and punch his beard off
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ur mcm is going to say “i’ve always thought tomorrow should be a national holiday” while he finishes his ninth bud light and the buffalo sauce on the corners of his mouth begins to harden
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me when she asks “is the reason you’re not speaking to me and haven’t opened your mouth for the last hour because you have an entire thing of 6mg zyns lining your gums again?”
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overheard sally talking to fritz last night while she changed his diaper
"what does a cow say? mooooooo."
"what does mommy say? time to go to bed!"
"what does daddy say? my name's will defries and this is the sunday scaries podcast."
the brand remains strong
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if you then that makes
don't love sense because
me at my worst i’m trash
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