Paul Campbell
@WayToGoPaul
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Writer for @InGoalMedia . Literary Academic. Cape Bretoner. Threads: @waytogoalpaul BlueSky: @ Contact: PaulInGoal @gmail .com
Guelph, Ontario
Joined October 2014
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My latest for
@InGoalMedia
takes a very close look at Ken Dryden’s giant goalies/bigger nets essay in
@TheAtlantic
. Both in its details and its overall aim, Dryden misses the mark.
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Beer league achievement unlocked: We lost 3-2 last night. The other team did not have a goaltender.
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Alain Vigneault is currently standing behind the bench, wondering where everybody else is.
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Vigneault. Therrien. Julien. Martin. Carbonneau. Every (non-interim) head coach of the Canadiens since 1997 is currently available. The stars have aligned. It’s time to break the mold.
Hire them all, and create the NHL’s first head coach Voltron.
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My wife just described the contestants in the presidential election as “Don Cherry vs Ron MacLean,” and I cannot believe how accurate this is.
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Fucking stomach-churning. Who likes this? Who wants this? The NHL could end this archaic bullshit tomorrow, if it weren’t afraid to lose its very worst “hockey” fans.
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You all laughed at Winnipeg for not having an airport (despite being called the Jets). Well, who’s laughing now?
Per the Johns Hopkins interactive tracking map, the only state/province that has a NHL team and no active cases of coronavirus is Manitoba.
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This is why goaltending is exhausting. Rinne travels 5km in a minute in 1 metre bursts.
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@connor_dot_net
@floozyesq
This is the most academic lit culture tweet I’ve ever read. The secret you’ve revealed is interminable sadness.
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*A bad goal goes in*
Hockey Broadcaster:
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
“THAT’S ONE HE’D REALLY LIKE TO HAVE BACK FOLKS!”
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Nylander is clever on his breakaway goal. Many goalies of Rask's vintage default into a right-pad-down posture when they read an open shooter in close going high glove. Nylander looks high glove, then shoots 5-hole, exploiting this tendency.
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Truth: sports accounts (like mine) lose followers whenever we tweet condemning hatred.
Secret Truth: Fuck those MAGA Nazis.
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Apropos of nothing, here is Gretzky facing the usual goaltending technique of his era. Also, here’s a vintage article I wrote about standup goaltending.
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The secret number for predicting Vezina finalists is top secret. It’s a complex cypher, an enigma, a mystical digit unknowable to all but the deepest adepts.
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Toronto currently has the most talented team in the franchise’s history. Easily the best player. The way the organization handles its business is very professional and their player development resources and facilities are elite.
Leafs fans today are the most blessed of all time.
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You're not beat till the light comes on. Carey Price makes a hair-fine stick save.
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Jack Campbell knocked on my door this morning and told me he hoped it was all right that he’d shoveled my walk and cleaned off my car. He said he couldn’t help noticing my last name was Campbell too, and told me he’d give up the nickname “Soupy” so I could have it.
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Not enough is said about Ryan O’Reilly’s impact. Kind of player who’d drive through a brick wall.
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Any Leafs fan who survived last night is now immortal. Indestructible. What can they do to hurt you worse than that? Nothing. You get to glide through hockey Twitter like gods now. Eternal, joyless gods.
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Tuukka Rask has an outstanding HoF résumé. If you believe any goalie of his generation is deserving, you have to include him. Cup. Vezina. 4th best career SV% in history, best among active goalies. Most games played in Bruins history, and most wins. By any common metric, he’s in.
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Don’t post family things here often, but we got some great news today. My 4yo was born with cleft lip and palate, and has had related hearing issues and procedures his whole life. Today we learned both eardrum perforations are completely healed, and his hearing is 100% normal 💪
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Of all the reasons to want to leave one team for another, this is among the best.
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Ignore the puck. Watch Carey Price's feet. This is goaltending in 2017.
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NHL goalie margin for error:
<7 goals allowed/100 shots = Elite
8 goals /100 shots = Very Good
9 goals/100 shots = Average
>10 goals/100 shots = Demoted
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Don’t draft goalies in the first round. In fact, don’t draft them at all.
You summon them.
Draw a perfect blue chalk circle on a frozen pond. Build a fire of broken blades inside it (taped only in black) and drop a quartered puck into the blaze. 4 tiny goalies will emerge.
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Attended my mother’s funeral today, via Zoom, a day after what would have been her birthday. She loved crowds, loved being with people, would talk the ear off a stranger and leave them feeling better about the day. She deserved so much better at the end. 2020 is an abomination.
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First the embarrassing Habs light show, now the Canadiens logo is eating the CN Tower.
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The worst part of the holidays is 10 000 kinds of potentially excellent chocolate confections utterly ruined by mint. Minty traps everywhere. Mint chocolate is an abomination in all its deceitful forms.
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“No offense” is a pretty insightful description of his game too.
Nick Foligno says "no offence," but with everything that's going on in Ontario (re: COVID), his family will be staying behind in Ohio
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If you’re a reporter who’s tempted to expose an elite athlete’s struggle with addiction, this is how to proceed:
1. Seriously? Why?
2. What is the matter with you?
3. Fuck right off.
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The Leafs fell into the oldest trap: thinking acquiring and drafting elite players would improve the team. Nobody can win with that much talent.
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This is the exact pose every child goalie draws. 🎨
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The idea that media members should keep their Twitter accounts “professional” is a lie propagated by stick-to-sports cultists who want the free utility of expert information without the uncomfortable humanity each person represents.
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I'm hearing that Marchand reached out to Dotchin after the game, spearing him again.
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Now that the first round is over, I’m pleased to make the official announcement:
Canada’s team for the 2020 Stanley Cup playoffs is the Colorado Avalanche.
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This Pietrangelo stick lift is the kind of thing goalies watch late at night with no volume on.
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I left my wife for this backcheck. She understood.
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This hand-pass review in the Boston-Florida game is the rock bottom of video review. Honestly.
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There are so many layers of excellence to this Shesterkin save you could write your goalie thesis on it. The rotation and reloading for the second push is physical poetry.
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Banishing Circle
🚫
🚫 🚫
🚫 🚫
🚫 Wins as a goalie stat 🚫
🚫 🚫
🚫 🚫
🚫
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These gender-reveal stunts are getting out of hand.
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@CharlesMBlow
@Will__Murray
I love how it gets the order of command right, too. It's like Obama is receiving the child's blessing to work for him.
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The Mandalorian is a goaltender.
-Never takes off mask at work
-Armored from head to toe
-MVP of every team he joins
-Constantly facing shots
-Protects the goal at all costs
-Never quite fits in with coworkers
This is the way.
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Unconfirmed report: Jonathan Drouin has asked to be traded back to Syracuse.
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@manquemonk
@carri0nfairy
@anagabriela_ns
@GatorAligatorr
@emily_murnane
You’ve basically described Twitter.
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Folks, this Acciari goal is a wonderful piece of deception. He looks shot, but on a 2-1, nobody is buying it early on. Then he just stares at the glove side, and everything in his body indicates glove. After he's opened the blade up, he closes it, going blocker on release.
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Remember the 80s when they found huge holes in the ozone layer, everybody freaked out, scientists found the cause, those substances were banned, & now full closure is projected by mid-century?
If this happened today, the “Fuck Ozone!” party would rise to power & we’d all burn.
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Brad Marchand with a sneaky punch to the back of the head. So out of character.
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Holy shit, can you imagine? If he hadn’t been fired already, he’d have likely earned it again tonight.
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First time playing hockey in over six months last night. The unprepared human body hates no activity more than goaltending.
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League: Smaller equipment will lead to more goals.
Niemi: Hold my glove.
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Alexander Mogilny was the first NHL draftee to defect from the Soviet Union to play hockey in North America. His career numbers mirror his peers and countrymen Federov and Bure, both in the Hall. Triple gold club. Richard winner (avant la letter). Lady Byng.
What’s missing?
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Scott Foster, now in goal for the Blackhawks, has the following goaltending resume on HockeyDB
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Once a game gets to 5-0, some kind of switch flips deep inside me and I become a drooling sadist. I want to see records set for shots, multiple hat tricks, a point for every player on the team, so many goals they need three scoresheets. Show me the antidote to mercy.
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I’ve never seen my timeline so pure after a coach’s firing. Most fired coaches have a portion of the fan base that hates them, but every take I’m seeing is “I’m glad the Habs made the change, but I love Claude and wish him the best.” Refreshing.
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Carey Price: Phew, he didn't injure my knee with that hit, just stay calm.
Carey Price's MCL: FINISH HIM
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Holy smokes. I just found this on Facebook and it is perfectly accurate.
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If you watch this on a loop for an hour (as I have), you achieve enlightenment and escape time.
This Vasilevskiy save didn't really happen because it is physically impossible, magic isn't real, and you are actually dreaming.
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Ok, we have to stop claiming every call is random. NSH player spins the goalie using his stick on the pads, jarring the puck loose. Dead illegal. Clear call.
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I cannot believe the NHL isn’t even considering the best possible site as their eastern hub: Robidas Island.
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Scott Foster makes a solid stop on a dangerous pass across. He hasn't been sitting on his couch for the last 15 years, that's for sure.
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Rule 69 (covering goaltender interference) has been amended. The following line has been added: “When determining goaltender interference, officials, above all, must ask themselves, ‘What does my heart say?’ In this, as in all things, no rule or force can overrule the heart.”
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At its highest levels, hockey is a cruel game overseen by malicious gods intent on destroying your joy. We are all fools.
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Goaltending is suffering. Each rock you push to the hilltop crashes back to earth. Expectation crushes you. Hope vanishes like smoke through the webbing of your trapper. Stooped double over the ice like an octogenarian, everything hurts. It’s always your fault. Curse God and die.
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Hellebuyck is the bumblebee of modern goaltending. Science can’t explain how he flies, but he manages just fine. His puck handling is awful and his skating is subpar, but his big fluffy body somehow always manages to find the flower.
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What if Canada just said fuck it, let’s reconfigure society so that the necessities of life are taken care of for everyone? Start there, and arrange everything else around that. We’ve done it for health care. Time to flex bigger.
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A lot of people in the comments are saying, “They fired him for alcoholism instead of getting him help?!” It’s pretty clear he did something beyond the pale while under the influence, and it’s bad enough that he isn’t resisting at all. The incident is what got him fired.
Corey Perry issues a statement apologizing to the
#Blackhawks
and says he has begun working with mental health and substance abuse experts to discuss his struggles with alcohol.
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Price with the huge split blocker save off a long lateral pass. That's the very save that killed Mitch Marner, RIP.
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Today, no matter where you are in the world, Bell (a Canadian telecom) will donate $.05 to mental health initiatives every time someone tweets
#BellLetsTaIk
or
#BellCause
. It’s real. They actually donate the money, and it’s been in the millions in recent years.
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@strombone1
Dad “retirement” is more like switching jobs, working for new, way more demanding bosses.
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My boy successfully used a straw today for the first time. That's a good sign his cleft palate repair has left him with full function. Yay!
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Carey Price makes the longest, most complete butterstack save I've ever seen. If grit were a save, this would be it.
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Now that the playoff positions are finalized, I can officially announce who gets the title of “Canada’s Team” for the playoffs.
The winner is: The Carolina Hurricanes. Gooooooo Canes! 🇨🇦
#TakeWarning
🇨🇦
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I see both sides, so let me assure you: the Leafs and Habs fanbases are equally insufferable.
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"Taylor Hall, unassisted" is also the slogan of his Hart campaign.
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Goalie: steps out in head-to-toe purple-energy field fantasy motif setup with a gentle unicorn grooming an ice dragon on their mask.
Teammates: Cool!
Forward: has a single white stripe on their skates.
Teammates: *laughing* whoa - you think you’re special now, Fancy Feet?
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This is Corey Perry level “look one way, drive the elbow the other” dirty as fuck bullshit. It’s not only dangerous, but so wanna-be sneaky it’s blatantly intentional. Throw the book at him. This makes my skin crawl.
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@ddale8
Off the record, I’ve personally been operating a shoe-smuggling ring for 10 years. They call me The Heel, and they say I’ve “got the right scuff.”
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@JeffMarek
“I regret that what I meant was successfully conveyed by what I said. I’d like to restate it in different words to reiterate my initial point. Thank you.”
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