Here is my top memory of all time: watching Netflix on my MacBook Air in my parents cozy basement while it rains outside. Feeling so safe worrying about nothing. Thats it. That will never happen again even if I live.

I had my life figure out. I worked when I was well and when I was unwell as least had a support system. Had savings bonds like a Goodman human being. I’m sitting here in pants I’ve won for a week that smell like piss plotting suicide once and for all.

Try $360 a month. Try no income at all. ODSP feels like a distant memory of luxury.

Having access to firearms would have made this much easier… but Canada.

I get dizzy just climbing to the third floor and I’m horrifically scared of heights.

There are exterior stairs that lead about three floors up. I can jump headfirst and land on concrete, but it’s so tricky to get right.

I wish it was easier. A guard escorted me off the metro platform a few weeks ago after I stood near the edge waiting for each train going “on the next one I jump”.I was at it for two hours. I couldn’t do it.

I had decent dreams too. This isn’t realistically something I could have pulled off but, damn it would have been cool if I had.

My fn teeth hurt and I want to die.

This is the girl I was meant to be.look at her.a goddamn human being. I’m jumping I think. I’m done.

I can’t guys. I fn can’t take it anymore. That romper. Seriously I didn’t know what I would miss in this life was my wardrobe.

That I lost my favourite family heirloom. That I will never eat stuff like this again.

My student hovel. The fact that I do have decent taste despite That Horrible Thing I Did.

5 years ago. No drugs. But this is what giving up feels like.

I’m done guys. I’m ducking done: I don’t want to anymore. There pics are two years apart.

This is what I look like today. It’s not drugs. I don’t do drugs. It’s mental illness and extreme sadness and poverty and homelessness.

That I designer this. Also my untattoed hand. Fn nails

Presenting like a goddamn human being.

Having cool clothes 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

How fn cute I was before everything went to shit.

How cool it felt to do a lighting design all by myself. Though I’ve tried and I can’t repeat it. I can’t wrap my stupid brain around design anymore.