Imma buy this and freeze it @WendysCanada. You can’t stop me

I wanted to show my kids @GordonRamsay yelling at people but it appears he’s actually taken up some new hobbies.

I would watch the hell out of My Super Unstable Economy 16

My Super Sweet 16 in 2009: I want Beyoncé to float in on wires while singing Happy Birthday to Me. I will only accept a solid gold bmw as a gift and each of my guests will receive a $10,000 diamond tennis bracelet. My Super Sweet 16 in 2023: We will have an egg and spoon race.

Snoops dreads have been willed to various rappers to smoke at his funeral. Man is 99% marijuana at this point.

CDC says you can stop taking antibiotics if you’re feeling better. No need to finish the full prescription. #cdcsays

CDC says you don’t need to wait to swim after eating #cdcsays

Gilbert on the ground looked like a toddler fighting Usman about getting his jammies on #ufc258

Sometimes you’re 9 going on 50 and just want to have a nice Friday night doing word searches in bed with your clip light.

Dear @nestle - no sane person cuts a pizza into thirds.

It’s 74,999,999 now. One died of tazering himself in the balls.

One of us got something approaching the requested look

Final look. This has some real 2020 vibes and I will not be tipping the make up artist 😤

Kicking off 2021 with a hot new look (and an unmade bed, don’t care)

Why does Eminem look like a Lonely Island parody of himself?

Nick: I will help you wrap a present #nailedit #pictureperfect

Professional Popcorn Consumer.

...Daddy’s home

It’s super hard to prank someone who is too sweet to be disappointed about getting a toddler toy on their birthday 😂😂😂

The interest in helping me clean up after crafts is markedly lower than the interest to do said activities.