Timi
@Timileh1n
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Retired Comedian. General Surgeon.
Abuja, Nigeria
Joined June 2011
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#AMVCA2024
as Nigerian medical specialties
Started residency at 26. Training has lasted three decades and he is due for Part II in October. Neurosurgery
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My tailor is a worker and goes to my church and I really do not understand why he puts in so much effort because he is not going to be with us in Heaven.
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Atorvastatin
Guys what you pairing this with...
Garri or Bread?
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Nigerians are bold. Ladies taking all sorts of IV drip for clear skin from charlatans. Intravenous!!! Are you people not afraid? The giver and the collector? What if they have anaphylaxis? Do you have an Ambu-bag? Epi-pen?
Can you even spell A-N-A-P-H-Y-L-A-X-I-S?
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#AMVCA
outfits as medical specialties.
Only one specialty walks around in elbow length gloves - OBGYN
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Everyone in Nigeria is a comedian.
I tell patient to be on clear fluids for colonoscopy. later dem call say he don cancel heap of semo.
Okay, why you chop semo sir? Man’s say he think say I say ‘clear food’.
Please how is semo and vegetable ‘clear food’ 😂😂😂
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Surgeon: ‘Guys, everything is ready, let’s move the patient to the operation room now!’
Anesthetist :
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Tourniquet on the neck and waist to secure proximal and distal vascular control. Swiftly remove the knife and apply sheabutter. Ampliclox for seven days. 👍🏽
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Dora Akinyuli was really Legendary in what she did as DG NAFDAC. Do you know how difficult it is do the right thing in a Nigerian Parastatal? Do you know how many bribes and threats she would have faced. May her soul RIP. Legend.
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@JacobFalcon23
Had to be King David, tweeting song lyrics before finessing his enemies.
Hands down, King Solomon would have been king of the gram. New Pre wedding pics every Saturday for like 15 years straight.
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Jack of all trades including things that doesn’t concern them. They can switch from doctor to pastor to motivational speaker. Plenty time on their hands and he is assistant pastor in RCCG. Family medicine
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Let’s be real. Bad as we are here, some surgical procedures are best done here. You have no business removing huge fibroids abroad. Our OBGYNs probably have more experience than the people you are going to meet. Abroad surgeons don’t see them as bad as we do here.
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Internal medicine don start patient wey I wan operate tomorrow on clopidrogel and aspirin.
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Since November last year. NOVEMBER 2022! Promised to fix up two weeks from March 4. No show. Come dey send me useless emoji 😂😂😂
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Always ready to take the shine off surgeons. Whatever you think you are smoking, they have better stuff and would put you to sleep in seconds. Loves fast surgeons. Anesthesia
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Does not know what end of the stethoscope to stick in the ear. Did medicine because parents insisted. Looking for the next WHO grant and attends all reunions and parties. Community medicine
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If you have bastard money, come and build a cancer center in Abuja. There are plenty patients waiting for you. This is free medical alpha. NFA
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Patient go present with ischaemic stroke una go dey give am normal saline and Bco. Na the bco go dissolve the clot abi kini gbogbo billshit gaan???
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Won’t forget that in the midst of all this madness, God gave me a(nother) Fellowship! West Africa college of surgeons. My price just went up beeshes. 😁
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Anesthetists are too powerful. No one should have that much power to tbh. You prep a patient for months, explain surgery, get consent and the anesthetist says he is not happy with they way the patient’s P-wave is looking back at him and case cancelled. End of story
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Dressed in follicles. Can complete a CS in 10-15minutes. General surgeons hate him. Obs and gynae.
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Playful and never in hurry. Loves harassing interns, throws tantrums and occasionally acts the age of their patients. Paediatrics
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My barber today na neurosurgery residency dropout. He don forget say na hair e suppose shape, he dey make skin incision to access my dura.
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5 hours waiting for theatre space. Time to go in, anesthesia sends the patient’s (?abnormal) ECG tracing to the cardiologist for possible cancellation of the case…
Me to cardiologist:
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The average medical doctor in Nigeria has zero financial intelligence and their ‘smart investment practice’ involves having 1.5 million naira locked up in a savings account that gives annual interest of 0.02% and getting 2 plots of swampy land in the middle of the evil forest.
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GenZ talking about lonart. You lot did not meet chloroquine. Most bitter, most awful drug ever. If it accidentally got stuck to your throat, the bitterness would kill you. What about the itching that follows? Mad drug
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Patient - my complaint is hypertension and diabetes…
Me - okay. Is that all? any abdominal pain or mass?
Patient - No. High cholesterol too
Me:
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Vascular surgeons are really exciting people. All my training I have been taught to avoid major vessels. Vascular surgeons go for major vessels and intentional cut them. Watched a carotid endarterectomy today and I wan crase. How you go intentionally cut carotid artery???
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Dermatology baddie. Shows enough skin to make you want to book a consultation with her.
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Surgeon checking on anesthetist after sucking 4 liters of blood from the abdomen and the monitor is not making that ‘tan tan tan tan-tan’ sound…
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Walks around with an air of authority like they own the hospital. Their post op order is a command not suggestion. Cardiothoracic surgery
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If you grew up in the 90s, you should still have some PTSD when you hear ‘chloroquine’ and ‘analgin injection’. Gen Z/TikTok generation people cannot understand this dimension of suffering. 🧵 🧵 🧵
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Looking to cancel the surgeons next patient because of BP - 142/91. Everyone gets amlodipine and aspirin. Generally not Godfearing. Cardiology
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Cannot even begin to imagine the amount of work the healthworkers at Owo are up against especially the staff at the emergency, labs and theatre. Having to give care while pushing the natural emotional response to the background is not easy stuff. I celebrate these Absolute Heroes
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Was an Ortho registrar managing complications in a 4year old sickle cell child.
Father came and said it’s not possible his child is a Sickler as his genotype is AA
Oversabi Unit intern was explaining that it’s possible that he is not the real father
Me:
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God bless Dr Adesina and Olaoye. I used to be a speedster surgeon. They took it out of me. I would finish a hernia in 20mins as a young SR and send for the next patient. Dr O would come to the OR and ask me ‘Man mi, where are you rushing to?’ He always emphasized surgery is to
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Got a ‘you look too young to be a doctor’ at the corridor today then overheard someone tell them ‘he is a consultant’. The collective gasps of waiting patients is enough fuel for my soul for the next 40 days.
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Everybody must know they touch blood on a regular basis. Red gloves on and ready to move incase he is called for a ruptured appendix in town. General surgery
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Minimally dressed. Looks like they don’t like kids. Ready to beat up traditional bone setters anywhere and anytime. Orthopaedics
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Me during wardrounds - ‘This ECG looks okay. ’
Cardio review 30minutes later - ECG shows atrial fibrillation with LVH and something something infarct.
Me -
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West Africa college of Surgeons Lapel pin on so at least they call me Agbero General surgeon with respect.
#StillChampions
😁👍🏽
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And a surgeon was paid 100k for a laparotomy + right hemi + ileotransverse anastomosis in this same abuja. Not a small hospital, one of the biggest. Madness
My rate card and business phone number as at December 2023
- wetin i charge her 10k for?
- And which number send her the message?
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7 years in med school, 15 years in residency. If na you, you go dey wear funny colour combinations too. Neurosurgery
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Every doctor in the TL is spinning medical threads. I come to twitter to escape from work only to see chapters of medical textbooks. I salute Nigerian doctors. The demography of people you are tutoring don’t care and wouldn’t hesitate to type obscenities at you when possible.
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Exuberant growth everywhere. Nobody recognizes them in the hospital . Microbiology
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Sweet people but always have this air of darkness around them. Oncology
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On the flip side, we are seeing more patients leave the UK for surgeries here in Nigeria. Imagine being on NHS queue for 18 months for a surgery you’d get in 48-72hours back home with similar outcome. Yes, that was not a typo. Similar outcomes.
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Just made your annual salary in two weeks doing a few BBLs and breast lifts. Richer than everyone and does not want to be recognized and begged for another BBL discount at the event. Plastic surgery
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Lives by the edge. Always chasing the next exciting case. Knows every specialist by first name. May or may not be on stimulants. Emergency consultant.
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Always with their weird wears. Did two BBLs and five lipos on Friday. His customers are present at this event and some pretend not to see him. He is not bothered and is currently scouting for new clients for his clinic. Plastic surgery
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This is why we do this job. Removed a 20year+ giant goiter 2days ago. Mama recovered so well and all the relatives lined up to give me hugs. My hug-meter is full. This is why we do this job.
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This is an actual problem. Picked random things after ward rounds today and everything on this tray is imported/manufactured in India (x5), China (x3) or Austria (x1). Even needles and syringes. Even water for injection! What are our tertiary institutions for please?
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Narrator: The bloody intern at FMC Abeokuta became a Certified surgeon 7 years later.
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Always looking sharp and fit. Knows a little about everything and his colleagues feel he is on illegal medication. Emergency medicine
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Consultant General/Laparoscopic surgeon. Make i go update LinkedIn. 👍🏽
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Again guys, ‘ulcer’ is NOT a clinical diagnosis, it is confirmed by endoscopy. It is laziness to label everyone who has abdominal pain as having ‘ulcer’. Send the patient for endoscopy and if it’s negative, request for imaging or refer to a senior colleague. Another patient
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Anytime you are doing a round and the junior doctor uses words such as ‘furthermore’, ‘moreover’ and unnecessarily connecting sentences up and down, Baba ti fe lo ko IELTS ni. 100% diagnostic accuracy.
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Multiorganism, multisystemic infection. Microbiology/infectious diseases
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***Anesthetist forcefully extracting information that the patient took a sip of water one hour before procedure
Surgeon: let’s go ahead please, it’s just a sip of…
Anesthetist:
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To my fellow Nigerian health workers, we have received bashing today,and as we often do, we would let it run off without biting our resilient spirit. You all are heroes and you continue to do your jobs despite the limitations of our environment. God bless you guys - VC
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Second fellowship. Second Convocation in 6 months. Put some respeck on my name! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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Who knows the content of these drugs? Their expiry dates? Have there been studies done on our local population? How do they scout for complications? Who regulates these people? How can you set an IV line on a patient and pump them full with crazy drugs? Are you not mental???
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I saw someone who developed crazy breast cysts after taking these intravenous rubbish. Likely pumped full with hormones. I have seen renal failure, all sorts of crazy complications. Who regulates these people? Aestheticians now give ‘metabolism boost’, ‘weightloss drips’ …
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I know everyone loves surgery and surgeons are small gods (shut up physicians) but let me be blunt and give you 10 reasons why you should never try to become a surgeon in this life or the ones after…
#thread
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You drive 30km from Apo to Gwarimpa to do an operation. Time to start, patient declines consent saying he wants to try prayer first.
60km to and fro.
617 Nairas per liter.
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Been having this postural hypotension after I paid my Abuja house rent last week. Unresponsive to fluid resuscitation. Classic financial shock.
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I want to have it all. Money, love, peace, fulfillment, community, money again, everything!
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Me looking at ECG tracings for 10 minutes straight before asking the medical officer to contact the cardiologist for a ‘second opinion’
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I pity middle class parents about to buy dollars at 700naira to pay school fees for their wards. I pity entrepreneurs having to buy diesel at 800naira/litre. I pity Nigerians in Nigeria living in constant fear of kidnappers/bandits/herdsmen
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1. What’s organ is this?
2. What surgery has been performed
3. What is the commonest indication for this surgery?
4. Name five other indications for this procedure?
5. What is the most feared late complication and how is this prevented?
Small token for the first correct answer
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This CS in 10-15minutes still dey amuse me. Some restaurants for this abuja, even to serve you common jollof or spaghetti you go wait for atleast 30minutes. Surgeon come dey tear person stitch am up in 10minutes like say he dey cook indomie and egg. Laakuli 🙆🏽♂️
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When you hit that chronically constipated patient with 10mg supp ducolax nocte and correct serum potassium...
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Internal medicine asking me to go do a laparoscopic retroperitoneal lymph node biopsy on someone with pH - 6.9, INR - 3 with multiple organ failure
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I believe we are two or three more Saudi interviews from shutting down major tertiary hospitals in Nigeria.
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When the non-stuffy registrar sends ‘I miss you babe’ text to ‘Dr Olaoye Conso’ instead of ‘Dr Olaoye intern’ and tomorrow is consultant ward round.
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Chowdeck, Jumia food, Glovo, Ubereats. Access to junk food has never been easier in Nigeria. There is a high chance that we would approach the UK level of overweight and obesity(about 63% of the population) in 5-10years time. We are currently at 42% FYI.
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Medical oncology is another field young Nigerian doctors are sleeping on. More and more Nigerians are coming down with various cancers whether we like it or not. Plenty prospect post fellowship. Highly recommended.
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‘Werey Nigerian doctors’ despite giving the correct advice. Fills me with intense sorrow whenever I see stuff like this.
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Let me clear this here. Any doctor doing a CS in 10-15minutes is unsafe for patients. You would go through the anterior abdominal wall, get in the uterus, deliver a baby, close her uterus and abdominal wall PROPERLY, and still finish in 10-15minutes? Where are you rushing to?
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Entered for a FIFA competition in town and sadly, my first game was against a Hoodlum. Can’t be more than 11/12 years old. The guy beat me like say I thief money for market. I don’t know what’s happening to the Nigerian culture of respect sha.
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Young doctors, it’s okay to go into surgery because of money. Dangote is not passionate about spaghetti or salt. When you become a rich and renowned surgeon, you can then settle for internal medicine as a side-job.
#NotMyVC
prevailing economic circumstances rather than positioning yourself where your talents &attributes can bring the best out of you, e.g going into Surgery / O&G etc because "they bring in money", i have nothing against those specialties, ignore my bants about them, thats all comedy.
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This one rolled up his ‘PPE’ sleeve as per fashion statement. 🙆🏿♂️
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Yellow green of jaundice with scattered gall stones. Hepatobiliary surgery
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Can a group of Nigerian surgeons go to the US, set up a practice and start operating US citizens without any form of supervision or checks? How did we allow this happen in this country? Nigerians are steady trooping to these places because they want to see a doctor with a
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Duchess hospital about to cash out. Operating the number 2 citizen of a country is very good PR for a new hospital
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Pockets everywhere. This specialty can produce any drug you are looking for within seconds. - Anesthesia
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