Had a great time at Fight Club last night. I was a little late, so I missed hearing all the rules. Nonetheless, I highly recommend Fight Club to anyone who might be interested. If you have questions, feel free to ask me!

Friendly reminder that "Cyber Monday," is about online shopping. Please refrain from sending texts or emails today if you believe otherwise.

Fantasy football is having the TE and WR for one team in League A, playing against the QB of that same team in League B, and trying to figure out for whom you should be rooting.

That’s amazing! I’ve got the same combination on my luggage!

The Kidz Bop version of a Guns N' Roses classic. "You know where you are? You're in the garden, baby! You're gonna stroll!"

When you haven’t had a lot of beers, but are adamant that this is the best one ever.

I’m stocked up for trick or treaters!

You're welcome. This concludes my TED Talk for the day.

This will most likely have them taken aback, and they'll ask you to repeat yourself. Once again, in a clear and concise way, repeat, "I'm 'Premature Ejaculation.'" They will probably (and ideally) still be confused. That's when you explain to them, "I just came in my pants."

Mix and mingle as normal, but eventually, if it is a costume party where most people are dressed-up, you'll inevitably be approached and questioned. When asked who you are, or what you're supposed to be, tell them, "I'm 'Premature Ejaculation.'"

As Halloween approaches, some of you may be looking for costume ideas. As such, please accept this humble, budget-friendly option. When you attend a party, go shirtless, and ideally not have anything adorn your feet.

My calendar from yesterday.

Ryan Walters resigning as the Oklahoma Superintendent probably already elevated the state to 49th in Education, at the least.

Wake me when they rename the DoD the "Department of Gwar."

This year, I’m attempting a different approach for Fantasy Football. Naming my team “Atreyu’s Horse” with this as my team logo. If I can’t beat them on the field, at least I’ll break them psychologically.

I just found out that only *I* can prevent forest fires. I'm so sorry, guys... I didn't know. I swear that I didn't know!!!

Did I end up wasting a guess on my fifth attempt? Yes. Was it worth it? Also, yes.

Found a deleted storyboard panel from James Gunn’s “Superman!”

Them: “Matt, why do you enjoy trademarks so much?” Me: *This was actually filed by a former coworker of mine.

I bet Ken Paxton is really kicking himself about that porn ban now...