Thea Landen, Smutty Author of Romance
@TheaLanden
Followers
23,532
Following
15,337
Media
6,373
Statuses
65,025
(Award-winning!) Smutty romance author with a day job, gamer with no free time, likes her own kids and no one else's, enjoys working out but still enjoys food
New York
Joined March 2012
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Knicks
• 136461 Tweets
Amethi
• 129509 Tweets
राहुल गांधी
• 116510 Tweets
Bucks
• 83154 Tweets
Sixers
• 69760 Tweets
Brunson
• 65115 Tweets
Pacers
• 61208 Tweets
Racing
• 60058 Tweets
憲法記念日
• 57017 Tweets
Embiid
• 54357 Tweets
Philly
• 54335 Tweets
Game 7
• 45958 Tweets
#Raebareli
• 44055 Tweets
#PONDSXTZUYU
• 38465 Tweets
憲法改正
• 36071 Tweets
Leafs
• 33494 Tweets
Dua Lipa
• 33469 Tweets
Maxey
• 30825 Tweets
Bruins
• 27106 Tweets
Rony
• 25243 Tweets
76ers
• 24771 Tweets
FREENBECKY IS OUR HOME
• 23114 Tweets
Estevão
• 21058 Tweets
Tobias Harris
• 20114 Tweets
連休初日
• 19996 Tweets
Josh Hart
• 18875 Tweets
ゴジラ-1.0
• 18475 Tweets
#FattuPappu
• 18425 Tweets
स्मृति ईरानी
• 17200 Tweets
Hield
• 16771 Tweets
Pachuca
• 15982 Tweets
Smriti Irani
• 15692 Tweets
チャレンジクルー
• 13908 Tweets
किशोरी लाल शर्मा
• 11563 Tweets
Ester
• 11498 Tweets
Hayırlı Cumalar
• 11278 Tweets
Pumas
• 10499 Tweets
Last Seen Profiles
All right, who's up for the challenge?
750
3K
39K
If seeing my scars bothers people on the beach, that says more about them than it does about me.
1K
167
9K
What's your favorite obscure smell? I love a freshly opened can of tennis balls.
3K
145
3K
My husband used my clear packing tape and didn't fold over a little corner when he was done to make the edge easier for the next person to find, this is not acceptable.
667
111
3K
I told my husband no less than thrice not to get red delicious apples because they are not, in fact, delicious, so you all know what he came home with.
388
37
2K
Time to repost one of my favorite memes!
Semi-regular reminder that the dildo predates the wheel
3
13
79
16
442
2K
I don't mean to brag, but I've actually reached the bottom of a tube of chapstick.
289
57
2K
Hey, I heard someone out there is expressing concern that if women keep lifting heavy, we're going to start looking like men.
160
33
1K
I have never had a thigh gap in my entire life and I am 100% okay with that. ✌️
156
17
1K
Hello, I am old and dead now. 🙃
180
100
1K
We're all in agreement that this time change thing is bullshit, right?
173
67
956
I don't mean to brag, but I did a load of laundry with all our sheets, and nothing got tangled in the dryer and it all dried on the first attempt. 😎
215
16
894
My boss confessed today that she hates sci-fi and fantasy, and while I considered it, I didn't quit on the spot.
114
24
849
I would just like everyone to know that I have actually reached the end of a tube of chapstick.
226
27
825
No Skips allowed; what is an album that is a perfect 10/10 album in your opinion?
322
38
813
I haven't posted any artsy fartsy B&Ws for Thirsty Thursday in a while. Be the change you want to see or something or other.
72
16
735
11 years ago was a magical day! ❤️❤️❤️ Happy anniversary to us!
140
27
741
But what if I got drunk and started DMing people from this hammock?
176
5
670
My husband just walked by and asked me why I had A Look on my face
261
33
681
Can we please just give Debbie a break? Poor thing.
96
80
624
I'd start a support group for people who overuse the ellipsis, but I don't know when I'll have time to get around to it...
105
38
616
What's your favorite ABBA song?
(And if you try to tell me you don't have one, I'm going to call you a liar.)
805
32
562
I've been trying to make this joke at the ponds we swim in, and NO ONE appreciates me, dammit
57
75
577
Guess I'll go slop around in the mud with the other amateurs since I use the F word in my books. 😘
265
25
559
All right, fiiiiine, I'll participate in
#ThirstyThursday
before heading to a friend's pool.
76
7
510
I don't care about numbers, if you have a kick-ass bio, I'll happily follow you.
70
22
521
Are we still doing spite selfies today? Because I like my shirt. Very dreamy or whatever for a sometimes fantasy author. 😄
99
9
465
I have become the type of person who willingly buys and eats spinach.
Still side-eying kale, though.
149
7
473
Took some edibles, saw a friend's Facebook post about fencing and how it's so expensive in her area and asking people about estimates, and it took me a long-ass time to realize she wasn't talking about the sport and wants to enclose her yard.
79
14
462
I only watched Sex and the City sporadically back in the day, though I did read about the reboot, so I'm going to take this opportunity to point out that we do not discuss early 90s Law & Order era Chris Noth/Detective Logan nearly enough.
32
27
448
Making sure your doors are properly secured when you leave your house is of the utmost importance.
61
46
434
I'm trying to describe the sound of a rubber ball (you know, those big red ones we all played with as kids) bouncing on pavement. "Slap" seems a little too sharp, but "thud" doesn't seem bouncy enough. Thoughts?
(I guess I could just keep it simple with "bounce")
895
22
427
what in the actual deep fried fuck did I just fucking read
270
18
420
Bandwagon time!
Pre-pandemic (like, a couple days before lockdown) vs. now (like, right now)
I might be thicker, but hey, a lot of it's muscle! 😄
65
11
405
My babies are SEVEN years old today! How did this happen???
92
6
394
I just wrote a paragraph and a half, where's my medal?
91
20
398
I love being an erotic romance author because I can always make a joke about my latest "release" 😏
54
14
396
Do I need a pair of purple velvet knee high boots? Especially if they're on sale? 🤔
187
5
395
If we're using Twitter to market our books, does that mean we could write off the $8/month on our taxes? 🤔
118
24
384
Me: I'm a writer!
Sentence: (requires me to know the difference between lay/lie/laid)
Me: ...I changed my mind.
54
46
378
What's the movie quote you've said most in your life?
Every time—EVERY TIME—my husband says "long story short," I say "too late," and I don't think he's caught on yet.
What's the movie quote you've said most in your life?
4
2
14
125
10
366
Went with pretty in pink for my last vacation day! Life's too short to wear neutrals! 😄
40
1
359
"Nice book."
"Thanks, it has butt stuff."
51
16
365
I'm running out of witty tweets.
So, um...
LAUNDRY SUCKS, AM I RIGHT??
76
12
355
Work wardrobe update! Petition to make Fox Friday a thing. 😄
45
2
341
*prepares to throw a lit match onto this place*
I actually do prefer the taste of Pepsi to Coke.
167
11
345
Did I buy a charm bracelet with the six murder weapons on it yesterday? Yesssss...
64
9
328
Instead of the first line of your first chapter, tell me the LAST line of your first chapter! Are we going to keep turning the pages?
305
42
337
@SandraK87933686
@AOC
Wait, I thought we were all supposed to be pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps? I thought we were supposed to admire and praise people who did that? Hmm. So confusing.
50
3
338
Fuck you, Word, "copse" is not a goddamn spelling error
62
10
327
My children do not like mashed potatoes. I don't even know where they came from.
112
7
324
Is it a rule that the first day back to work after a vacation is always a shitshow?
127
7
323
New workout leggings! This is my favorite color, by the way ☺️
76
4
317
Wait wait wait wait wait. Dudebro's both so uptight AND shitty with AI, he had to open up his fakeass generated masterpiece in MS Paint to make sure his dream woman isn't showing too much cleavage?
92
16
330
Back to our regularly scheduled post-workout MILF Monday tweets?
56
6
303
(opens the WIP document, stares at it for five minutes, replaces "decision" with "choice")
BEHOLD, I HAVE WRITTEN.
26
17
318
Oh, damn, no one told me I was supposed to wear my puffer jacket and ski pants to the goddamn BEACH. 🙄
131
6
319
BALLOONS!
Birthday Burn gym class in the morning, dinner with the family in the evening!
183
10
312
Help settle something in my household, as apparently my husband and I were raised in very different ways:
Is "Easter bread" a thing for you?
485
13
303
I have learned it is National Saxophone Day, so let's have a throwback to when I played in bars and got paid in beer. 😄
58
5
311
*leans forward seductively, biting her lower lip*
I know the difference between "effect" and "affect"
77
17
306
I actually had to go out in public today, so I'm wearing jeans for once. Happy Hump Day! 😄
57
0
306
Ask me this question and this is the only kind of response you're getting
54
24
311
I AM, in fact, so extra, I will get a new mug with my gorgeous new logo on it to better drink all the coffee. 😉
39
3
304
Ah yes, I often want to reenact my own birth in the winter months...
94
28
310
I have nightmares about this situation 😂
101
12
302
More people like and reply to my tweets about penises drawn on school buses than they do on my tweets about writing and working out, so what does that really say about all of you? 😄
113
10
288
Standing here, preparing for my upcoming in-person events and reflecting upon the surreal path my life has taken, all whilst gazing at my GIANT FACE SIGN.
49
6
301
Yup, you caught me! I've definitely been living a life of shame for the past *checks notes* 11 years as an erotic romance writer. So much shame. Guess I'll go cry into my pillow about it now. 😂
(wait, wrong tears, I think it's supposed to be 😭)
83
9
295
Okay, but what if I just started making my own reaction gifs?
44
6
290
Why the fuck would I not be?
(And no, I'm not replying on or quoting the original tweet, get your engagement from somewhere else)
83
9
289
*votes democrat harder*
until women stop voting democrat, this is going on my cock AND balls.
Sorry ladies! No more going all the way to the base until you stop being woke!
2K
19
80
98
12
297
Uh oh, my husband loves me, does this mean he's gay? 🤔
133
9
285
Bringing you the suggestive content you've come to expect, even while cooking dinner.
46
2
275
No snorkeling this trip. 😭 Guess I'll sulk for a bit, and then see if they let me out on a paddleboard this afternoon.
44
1
273
Happiest place on earth! (For me, anyway)
45
2
273
Apparently, all men and woman have a favorite fictional detective. Spill it, folks.
Apparently, all men and woman have a favorite fictional detective. Spill it, folks.
6
0
26
219
9
279
I dragged my sick self into the shower and then put on clean pajamas, where's my medal?
68
6
271
Repeat after me, friends, as many times as it takes:
Writing and sharing things of a sexual nature is not an invitation.
Writing and sharing things of a sexual nature is not an invitation.
Writing and sharing things of a sexual nature is not an invitation.
Sequence of events:
-man reads a few poems by me
-man decides he’s in love with me
-man finds my Amazon wishlist and sends ridiculously expensive item which I put there for me to buy for myself in a few weeks
-thanked him profusely on a public platform
-he begins to comment on…
233
17
339
43
50
279
Not me acting like a jackass before the lifeguards showed up for duty this morning. 🤣🤣
27
5
256
I was browsing through some "age gap romance" on KU for, uh, research purposes, and one looked promising so I opened it up, and right away, the male character was described as "older, in his late 30s or early 40s" and I'm just going to crawl into a cave and die now, thanks
57
6
279
Who wants to stand with me by an ocean?
58
0
266
I want to know more about the waitress practicing politics...
27
24
270
You can only use one meme or gif for the rest of your life. What do you choose?
(Yes, I am bored with day job work, thanks for asking)
324
19
255
Took a second edible, ask me anything? 🤷♀️😄
103
13
245
I started with Windows 3.1 and DOS, I must be ancient. 😬
It's Tuesday and I'm feeling old. If you remember all of these, join me in our oldness!
27
5
64
127
12
265