I do not believe in unprotected sex. That is why I never give anyone I sleep with my correct name or telephone number.

Last night I was attempting to renew my subscription with my ecclesiastical supply company but a glitch in my internet system meant I ended up registering with a ladies Wet Look, Vinyl and PVC online retailer in Copenhagen. It took me 15 minutes of browsing to realise my mistake.

You can never lose a race you don't enter.

I always believe that you can't do anything wrong if people don't know what you're doing.

The true benefit of globalisation is that I can meet women from countries where dating men old enough to be their father is totally ok.

I run two telephone helplines for my flock. One is for single or separated women aged between 18 and 40. The other one is temporarily out of service.

I am decluttering ahead of moving house. A lady with four children came to collect my kitchen table and six chairs which I had advertised for £80. When she told me one of the children was in a wheelchair I offered to sell her the table and five chairs for £10 less.

I run two telephone helplines for my flock. One is for single or separated women aged between 18 and 40. The other one is temporarily out of service.

I have just woken up alone in my own bed. Sometimes I find this preferable to waking up not alone in someone else's bed.

The true benefit of globalisation is that I can meet women from countries where dating men old enough to be their father is totally ok.

I am told that oysters are a great aphrodisiac. A female parishioner and I ordered half a dozen but it wasn't clear to me whether the best strategy was for me to eat them all, her to eat them all or for us to have three each.

Last night I was attempting to renew my subscription with my ecclesiastical supply company but a glitch in my internet system meant I ended up registering with a ladies Wet Look, Vinyl and PVC online retailer in Copenhagen. It took me 15 minutes of browsing to realise my mistake.

I recently travelled to Thailand to take my message to a wider audience. I decided to visit a spa and was persuaded to have a massage. When the lady asked me if I wanted a happy ending I assumed she was offering to waive her massage fee.

Haven't had a girlfriend for ages. Danger is next time I do, when I come I'm going to call out my own name.

I do not believe in unprotected sex. That is why I never give anyone I sleep with my correct name or telephone number.

Another night home alone and sober. Better catch up on my reading. Anyone know a good book?

lasked a woman at a bar once if she believed in the hereafter. She said she did. So l told her: "Then you know what I'm here after."

I have no problem with other religions. I also believe they are much better at exploiting their IP as this photograph from the Buddha Bar in Marrakesh shows.

People have asked me if I have any interest in the vacant role of Archbishop of Canterbury. I suspect I am not sufficiently qualified for the role. It requires more than looks, charisma and personality.

People have asked me if I plan to take a wife. It's a hard question because there are lots of wives to choose from.