And how life changed. In that moment and the hours after, to never be the same again. Gone suddenly before I got there. I never got to say goodbye. Neither did our boys. I bloody miss him. They do too. It’s shit.
I don’t want to post negativity, despite being in grief. So, here is my VW van. It is a thing of beauty, built mostly by my husband, who was bloody brilliant. And I miss him.
#Campervan
#vanlife
#Grief
#positivity
I still try and convince myself that he’s just at work. It doesn’t matter that I know he’s not. I just don’t really like the reality that he’s dead 💔
Apologies for the negativity. Tomorrow I’ll be better. Much better. 😊
Currently getting ‘glad rags’ on to go to a friends’ birthday party. There will be lots of people there. I will know some of them. I do not want to go. I feel exposed and out of the comfort zone of my sofa. But I’m going. So send positivity. I need it! 😳
I wasn’t expecting to be widowed. So I didn’t know that I’d have to be making decisions about stuff that was just ‘our lives’. But, away in the campervan, by the sea, is clearing my head. Whilst it not necessarily a ‘good’ time, it’s alright 💔
#PeaceAndLove
To my fellow members of the ‘shit club that no one wants to be in’
#grief
#Grief
, I’m sending love, strength and support to get us through today. I am thankful for a husband who loved me for a long time and I miss him
#widow
#strength
#positivity
I thought I had this
#grief
shit sorted. I thought I could just live a different life without him. But then I’ve just smelled a work top (from his locker that I cleared )and I’m absolutely on the floor again. I miss him 💔
#ItsOkayToNotBeOkay
#widow
#Grief
I wasn’t going to tweet this but today is a struggle. It’s my husband’s birthday. It’s the first time in 26 years that I won’t be celebrating it with him. Him not being here is shit. He shouldn’t be dead, he should be 49 💔
I’ve just had a ‘moment’ in Tesco, ‘Christmas chocolate’ was the trigger. Grief really is an unpredictable f*cker….I realised the absolute enormity of our loss and what’s happened this week and just How Much it is for one person to bear.
#grief
#widow
#notreadyforthis
Taken a break after my privacy scare. My grief is real. Whilst making tea, I spent a moment laid on the kitchen floor earlier. I got over it and we’re fed.
Oh, and eldest passed his A levels.
#Proud
#winning
#grief
#Grief
I’m home! I survived. Thank you!
Most people were lovely. One (now -ex) friend “just because your husband is dead doesn’t give you the right to talk to me like me like that”
I wasn’t rude or unpleasant, just truthful.
I didn’t (really) want to run today. But I set off. And then I REALLY DIDN’T want to run. I had a mental wobble at 3 miles, but then I found a new friend. And we chatted for the next 10 miles. And we finished together. And it was blummin great 😊🏃🏼♀️☀️
I’m nearly 46 weeks into this nonsense of my new life. Me and my boys are doing okay…uni/school/work/running/rugby/judo is routine. They are brilliant and we miss their dad every single day.
#grief
#positive
I think I’m massively failing as a mum, daughter, daughter in law, friend. I have replied to messages and also not replied to messages/calls today. I’m exhausted. But I have done laundry, ironed and put a roast dinner on the table for me and my boys 💔
I’d give anything to hear him say “do you mind if I watch a bit of telly in bed” Of course I wouldn’t mind. (Even though I did 🤔💔)
At least he’d be still here.
It’s difficult existing without him. I’ll keep trying.
#grief
#positive
I don’t know what I’m doing 😳 My life changed, so I decided that I’d change my life. I’m positive that I’m on the right path but a return to education at 48 is blummin hard! I remain positive. I Can Do This.
#grief
#positivity
#widow
#griefwarrior
I am ‘managing’. Sixth months to the day since my husband went to work and didn’t come home alive. Is it difficult? Beyond yes. Is it survivable? Also yes. I am determined to do something good out of this shitty situation.
#positivity
#grief
#Grief
#strength
The reality is that my husband died and my life will never be the same💔.But I didn’t die and so I owe it to him to live the best life that I can and accept that I’m allowed to feel happiness, even whilst feeling so sad.
#grief
#widow
#positivity
#wevegotthis
And as expected, a grief crash has ensued. I hate that he’s not a part of our teenagers’ future. We’d do it so much better together.
I’m doing my best. I hope it’s good enough. 🤞🏻💔
I didn’t want to go out today. In fact, I stayed in bed until I absolutely had to get up to get ready to go out. I’m out. It’s not terrible. It’s not great. But it’s bearable and I’m doing it.
#widow
#grief
#positivity
#tomorrowisanewday
#running
I’m grieving. I miss my husband. I’ve had to learn new skills that I didn’t want to learn. Equally, if I’d died, he’d have had to learn different skills too. We were a Team. It’s a bit rubbish being half of a partnership. We had so many plans. But he died 💔
Mondays are not a good day. I’m trying to make them better. Whilst prepping for decorating, I’ve crashed. He’s dead. Not coming back. No more conversations. No more joint decisions. No more future. No more photos. No more new memories. I hate it.
#Grief
POSITIVE POST: Drove the VW campervan, solo, 100 miles to join my pal to run with him on his epic running journey, drinks in the pub , then me back to my van, in a field, on my own. There’s wine in the fridge. Running again tomorrow.
# positivity
#Campervan
I am currently wearing my Big Girl Pants. I’m out for the first time 😳, fulfilling a commitment to a ticket booked for me and my husband pre-pandemic. Pre-husband dying. Pre-me being a widow. My heart is breaking all over again 💔
Bring on the comedy 🤔
Thank you for all your supportive tweets about my ‘night out’. I worried that I’d feel guilty if I enjoyed myself. Of course it wasn’t the same without him, but it was okay. We had a lovely time with 🥂 and cocktails! And today I managed to get out and run!
So after the highs of a brilliant weekend away with friends, silliness, laughter and a run, there was the inevitable come down. But I’m back. Tree up, not without tears, but my boys deserve Christmas. So I will ‘do’ Christmas
#positivity
#grief
#Grief
#running
My life changed irrevocably 21 weeks ago when my husband died. After enduring the initial shock and grief, I realise that was just the beginning. I am determined to be positive and to make good decisions for my future and that of my boys
#MondayMotivation
I wasn’t going to tweet any ‘self indulgent twaddle’ today (I’ve let it go, honestly!) But do you know what? Despite it being Monday, despite it being 8 months, and despite ordinarily just getting through, TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY
#grief
#positivity
I think I’ve just crashed. I had a good couple of days, ran, pushed myself out of my grief ‘comfort zone’ (is there such a thing?) and realised that I can’t tell my husband all about it. And that’s shit.💔
After the success of the campervan trip & feeling positive, grief has taken over again. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m really struggling this week so far. I have achieved nothing and am avoiding talking to people. I should run but I can’t find the motivation
I’m taking the campervan trip as a major win ✅ I got us there, I sorted out minor issues, I made all of the decisions and drove us back. And we had a decent time in the sun ☀️ by the sea 🌊. Whilst it doesn’t heal 💔, I feel calm.
#PeaceAndLove
Update: I did it. I (eventually) set off from my front door and ran the route that we always did together. First time this year. I might do it again tomorrow. I will keep moving forward.
#positivity
#grief
#running
Today was a rare day where I didn’t think I could get out of bed. After some texts of encouragement from my friend…I did get up and we met (as arranged) for our run. We saw donkeys (a sign) and I felt a lot better for doing it
#grief
#dontgiveup
#running
Grief is an absolute shitstorm. You can be ‘managing’ quite decently, existing, surviving, and sometimes even smiling. And then the loss hits again. They’re really dead and they’re not coming back. It’s too much to bear. Yet we do 💔
#grief
#widow
I like to think our little corner of twitter is honest and open, and for me, raw emotion. I’m struggling. I miss my husband so much, yet I’m finding pockets of happiness and success. And whilst I know this is right and good and real, I’m sad too
#grief
#widow
My husband died. I’m trying to navigate this world of grief and keep our teens okay whilst still living our lives. I’m trying my best to be positive. So for someone to accuse me of being ‘over him’ was a kick. WTF do they know? I’m a little bit cross.
Went to the carpet place today, thankfully I had my best mate with me, who know when I was struggling with the song on the radio.
I bought carpets. Finishing touches to a house that we built. My husband was magnificent. I miss him 💔
I will never understand why people feel compelled to comment in a nasty way. ‘Self indulgent twaddle’ apparently 🤔
I figure its not hurting anyone so if you don’t like it, just scroll on by.
#bekind
For anyone that watched the Revd Richard Cole’s documentary on C4, I can confirm that the loss of a husband is Shit. Beyond Shit. Utterly Life Changing Shit. So if I don’t answer my phone or reply to messages, be patient, I will eventually. 💔❤️
A few Monday mornings ago, life was normal, husband at work, teens at school; I was working from home, the dog started barking incessantly. A sure sign that someone was here. That’s when my life started to change.
I’m struggling with positivity today. Some days, life is just utter bobbins. For me, today is one of those days. I hope you’ve all got through another day of this shit storm of grief. Tomorrow is a new day 💔🫂❤️
How do we reconcile making changes whilst grieving? I’ve had carpets fitted today. It should feel like a positive achievement, but I just feel gutted that he’s not here to see the finishes that we talked about when we built our house. I miss him, that’s all💔
Thank you (tiny corner of) Twitter.
Whilst I would prefer not to be part this grief train, I’m thankful that you’re here to listen to my journey of varying levels of shite.
#PeaceAndLove
Today’s news…whilst not super productive with ‘jobs’, I walked our dogs with my friend and then tonight, I WENT BACK TO RUNNING CLUB! 🏃🏼♀️Everyone was really supportive and I enjoyed it. I’m taking the win
#running
#positivemindset
#Grief
If I’d have tweeted at 11am, it would’ve been different to 2pm and again at 6pm. I’ve felt something different in all of the hours today. Joy, Pride, Loss, Sorrow, Tiredness, Guilt.
Ps. Youngest smashed his exams 😊
You lot are lovely. Thank you ❤️You’ve given me the strength to open up to my friends about how shit this is (they know about you, they’re just not invited)
#gratitude
I've had a couple of days off to prioritise the thing that I was anxious about (all good). I love this tiny corner of Twitter and all you people here. I think we'd all agree that we'd rather not be here. But we are. So let's crack on.
#positivity
I feel very sad about HRH Queen Elizabeth. She’s been a constant, positive presence throughout my life and I think she was blummin marvellous. That’s it.
Respect and manners count.
This week has been exceptionally sh1t.
Husband is still dead.
Car accident, victims of fraud, mum in hospital.
24 steps forward, 31 steps back.
#igetknockeddown
#grief
#
#itsshit
I don’t want being a widow to define me. Being a wife didn’t. We were a team, we worked independently and together. I’ll figure it out on my own.
#nottheplan
For anyone who follows, thank you! Happy to report that there was no hangover 🥂
Today I achieved some painting (home improvements). The Teens are in and out, doing what teenagers should be doing after their exams! Still a bit shit though tbh.
Anxiety is immense right now.
Tomorrow, I start a new phase of me. I will not be defined by grief.
(Even though that’s my Twitter thing 🤔)
Bugger…Big Girl Pants are in the wash…ah, I’ll be grand. Although argh! And also argh! 🤔
Do you know what Twitter? I’m leathered! Caned! Drunk! Pissed! 🥂All of the words.
I’m grieving. For my husband and for our future that looks different now.
#tomorrowisanewday
I told Twitter that I was going to have a productive day. And I did! Eldest boy sorted for Uni and decorating (of one room thus far) done! My husband was in my ear the entire day, I know he’s proud of me. Doesn’t mean I’m not grieving though
#grief
In a change to the advertised programme, I’m not going off in the
#campervan
this weekend. I’m flying to 🇮🇪 . Anxiety is off the scale. Wish me well Twitter Peeps xx
What I haven’t shared is that I’ve had a birthday, eldest teen has has a birthday.And We Survived. It’s absolute shit that he’s not here.But he isn’t. We keep on trying to be the best that we can be. To quote
@CherryMorrello
, smile at a dog.Good advice 😊
It wasn’t the most successful holiday. A trip to Lanzarote with the teenagers turned out to be the loneliest I’ve felt in the 16 weeks since he died. And I’ve come home and tested positive for Covid. So, officially, a rubbish time.
#Grief
Grief is like being given a massive backpack of rocks that you just carry around with you. The load is meant to get less heavy ‘with time’. I feel like I’ll carry this load forever. And that’s fine.
#grief
#Death
#positivity
Hi! I hope we’ve all managed to navigate the festive season? I’ve not posted as I’ve done okay (ish). It’s hard, so unexplainably difficult 💔Everything reminds me of him and our life before. But, life is about survival. And positivity for the future🤔
Such a weird set of emotions. I thought I was doing ‘okay’. I managed the running club Christmas ‘do’, I achieve what’s expected. But it’s SO FUCKING HARD! I do it though. And that’s our Superpower
#grief
#Grief
#positivity
#widow
#superpower
If my ‘thing’ is positivity in grief, I feel I should also document when I struggle. Because living with loss is hard. Me and boys are all a bit under the weather (nothing serious) and it just makes living with grief that little bit harder
#grief
#widow
The Anniversary of my husband dying. I survived. It wasn’t without a couple of meltdowns. But I ran. 36 miles this week…it seems I’m training for a marathon.
#PositiveAttitude
#grief
#widow
#running
I’m not tweeting anything sensible. I’m struggling with positive. Life is sending challenges. Grief sits in amongst. And at the forefront. I hate it. He’d know what I need to do.
#arghhhhh
I like dogs. All dogs. But I love our dog best. Strictly speaking, the dog was absolutely his dog. But now he’s making do with just me and the boys. He’s alright with that I think. He’s such a Good Boy! ❤️ I feel bad that he’s lost his person. I’m doing my best.
I’ll be honest, grief is total sh1t. Just when you think you might (just might, I add) have some sort of coping mechanisms in place, along comes a significant date. Today is our 21st Wedding Anniversary. I’ve run of course. But it’s still sh1t 💔
I tweet anonymously as part of this ‘grief community’. I’ve been made aware that people who know me have seen my tweets. This makes me feel uncomfortable, hence the profile pic change. If you do know me, please scroll on by…there’s nothing for you here…
Going to run 10 miles in the morning. Got a half marathon in a couple of weeks so need some time in the legs. Do I want to do it? No. But will do it? Yes.
#positivity
#grief
#determination
Grief. Weekends are difficult for me, feeling that I can’t ‘bother’ anyone as everyone is enjoying time with their loved ones. Today I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to fulfil a commitment to a running friend. As much as I didn’t want to go, I’m so glad I did.
#smallsteps
#grief
. Today's realisation: whilst putting photos of him and us in frames, that’s it. No more photos. No more memories to make. No more time together. That was it. It was a life together. But I want more years than you had 💔😭
Grief. By trying to protect people from my grief and causing them upset, I feel I might be pushing people away. So today I have responded to previously ignored messages, in the hope that people will understand how I’m feeling 💔
#small
steps
#grief
#widow
@_katiearchibald
I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband died unexpectedly 23 weeks ago. If you can bear it, this tiny corner of twitter is a very supportive place. Sending love and solidarity x
I’m am not proud of myself right now. I’ve let the reactions of people who I care about, affect how I think about my life. But the fact is, is MY LIFE! And I’m not doing anything wrong (I don’t think). I’m just doing my best. He’s Gone, not coming back 💔❤️🩹
I’m doing it again 😳 I’m getting up off the safe space of my sofa and fulfilling another (pre-widow) commitment. I’m off for a run…I just have to get on a plane first. I Can Do This. I Can. I think I Can. Arghh!
#positivity
#grief
#widow
#running
#runner
Grief. Things I learned today? Actually talking to people is good. It doesn’t make me weak or feel like I’m not managing this. My feelings are real and valued by people who care. And so it’s not a burden to them 💔❤️🩹
Shit day. Positives;up early to get the eldest teen on his way to drive to his summer ‘job’, cleared a drain that I was unaware had issues. Dog walked. Younger teen fed. Less Positives; wore running kit all day..But read a book instead and booked a campsite
Gosh. I’ve had a word with myself. Whilst my life might be be full of challenges right now, there’s lots of people experiencing worse.
I’m thankful for this outlet and this community.
#grief
#trying
This is (now) my van, built mostly by my brilliant husband. He’d be pissed off that it hasn’t been washed since he died. So today, I BLOOMIN’ WELL WASHED IT! So there! 🪜 🪣 🧽 pic from a time when it was clean!
#Campervan
#vanlife
#grief
#widow
#positivity
In the spirit of keeping this real, today, the backpack of rocks was less heavy. Grief is still absolute bollocks and shit. But I have a van and I have a plan. I’m not the same person
#widow
#grief
#campervan
#vanlife
#positivity
Several times, over the ‘festivities’, I could have lost it. He is everywhere, and I miss him with every atom of my being. But he died (not through choice) And I choose to live the life we wanted.
#positivity
#Grief
#grief
#widow
#Widowhood
#todayisanewday
#positivity
After spending yesterday in bed, ill, 🤢🤮, today is going to be productive. I have him on my shoulder telling me to get on with the DIY and “sort these blummin boys out”. So that’s the plan.
#nottoday
#grief
#Monday
. Twelve weeks ago my life changed. I’m trying so hard for me and our boys and I like to think that I’m winning. I see positives where there is despair. I find humour where there is none. I just miss him 💔
I’ve been conflicted. What’s worse? People acknowledging the anniversary of the day my husband died? Or me trying to pretend it’s going to be just another day? FUCK IT! I want everyone who thought anything about him to acknowledge how fucking amazing he was!
#grief
#widow
It’s a funny old time right now. We’re coming up to a year since my husband went to work and didn’t come home. Im trying not to think about it. I’m
#marathontraining
instead
#grief
#positivity
Thank you for all your support for my little trip away to 🇮🇪. It was tough in parts. In amongst, I felt overwhelmed, laughed, cried, and felt slightly hysterical at times. I’m glad I went. It was good.
#positivity
#Grief
#MondayMotivation
Positives of the day: dog walked, roast dinner made, ‘fart sounds’ explored on Alexa (only for the boys 🤔😳) Thanks for that
@Tired_Dad_of_2
🤣
Negatives: Everything is just So F*cking Difficult. Everything.
I miss him 💔
What a place this is! ❤️ Thank you for all your kind messages of support after my ‘bad day’ yesterday. I know I put too much pressure on myself and I know I expect too much. I’m not good at asking for help and I don’t want people to worry, so I ‘hide’ 1/2
Today was a difficult one. I attended an event which was way out of my widow comfort zone. But I survived. I brought my best. And that’s all we can expect of ourselves.
#widow
#positive
#RemembranceDay
#Remembrance
How many times a day, is it normal to to think “I’ll ask/tell them?”
It fucks me off that that he doesn’t answer any of them! I’ll tell him anyway. He’d hate that he’s dead.
#Winning
. A run with my best mate, a walk with my dog, food (home made pie 🥧) with my boys 😊
The weight of grief is heavy. But I’m carrying it. Hope you all got through today okay too ❤️