There are two customers hinging about like a couple of spare pricks for the paint guy. The carpet arsehole is unable to assist because the shiftless bastard knows hee haw aboot paint! #StillGameQuote

"Is your telly no working?" "Oh no it works fine, I just can't get a picture" #StillGameQuote

"Are you aboot ready?" "I am a bawhair away fae perfection, Jack" #StillGameQuote

But know this, I run a tight ship, not a shite tip! #StillGameQuote

"Feeches" "Yes feeches tae you too, are ye helpin us or wit" “NAW, a tennur fae each ae yees!" #StillGameQuote

“Wit is it you’re reading?” “The Prague Heist” “That’s about a heist, in Prague” #StillGameQuote

Where's ma scone? Where's ma scone? Here it is, next tae the phone. #StillGameQuote

The camera operators at THAT Coldplay concert:

Brrrrrrr is shite. Bing Bong is much more modern #StillGameQuote

“Our chef used to work at Hotel du Vin. Wait until you taste his lasagne” “A LIKE LASAGNE!” #StillGameQuote

Pete the Jakey claimed he saw a crocodile in the Kelvin once. Mind you, that wis back when he wis injectin absinthe inty his tongue! #StillGameQuote

Any breaking of said rules will result in a swift kick to the tadger and yer maw an da will be grassed to #StillGameQuote

“What are your symptoms?” “A canny be arsed, with anything or anybudy” #StillGameQuote

Listen son. It doesny matter wit Danny woulda wanted. Danny's deid, an a want new carpets! #StillGameQuote

Hurdy gurdy gurdy, in the windae boaxes #StillGameQuote

"That would never happen Jack, for I would cancel my own milk and simply take yours" "Deed mans milk?" "Best a gear! And I would continue to do so until the relevant authorities corrected their error" #StillGameQuote

Good theory Jack. Plausible. And it could've happened just like that, were it not for the fact that YOO are a greedy bastard #StillGameQuote

“A didny get any snowballs Martin” “Nae Snowballs?” “Nut” “YA STUPIT. AULD. COW!” “Relax Martin, yev got an empire biscuit in there” #StillGameQuote

Boaby: "Don't take any pish aff them, a never dae!" Eric: "Hello Bobby boy, you look like a prize wanker" #StillGameQuote

"Away an take a flying focus tae yersel!" "Naw that doesny work that, Eric" #StillGameQuote