Me: New year, new me Boss: This is your performance review for 2025 Me: I’m sorry but I’m a new person now Boss: Just acknowledge it Me: No

Life hack: No one can beat you if you’re delusional. Stay unmedicated.

Life hack: No one can beat you if you’re delusional.

No one can have all four 1. Be over 30 2. Go to the gym 5 days a week 3. Have a social life 4. Eat 90% home cooked meals

I find it hilarious that no one knows me as well as my wife and she STILL put me as her emergency contact.

Raise your hand if you haven’t left your house all year

Being over 30 is cool because now you can feel hungover just by staying up until 12am and not drinking anything

Me hiding from my responsibilities in 2026

Getting older on the west coast means that I get to celebrate new years at 9pm and be in bed by 9:01pm

How did you spend your holiday break? Me:

Christmas isn’t about gifts. It’s about getting drunk and arguing about who’s right with family.

Me going into the holiday season vs me leaving the holiday season

There’s nothing scarier than actually feeling like an adult instead of a kid in a fully grown body.

When she called you “a dick” she meant addictive.

Everything reminds me of her

News: US to start reducing domestic flights due to government shutdown Me:

Everyone should go through and exercise of creating their own personal financial statements. Statement of Income & Expenses Statement of Net Worth Doing so will have start looking at your life a little differently. An unexpected mindset shift will happen.

Is this enough to correct life decisions?

When you’re on a 5 step program but the therapist you’re seeing is one you made up in your head

Me on 8 Tylenol watching a train pass by