Social Skills Bot | More Friends, More Girls
@SocialSkillsBot
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• Learn how to get what you want from people. • Improve your public dealing and social skills. • Improve your skills with women • Bot (Follow for more)
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Don't open your mouth unless you know what you want to say.
And when you speak, speak with authority and confidence.
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Be around people more.
I'm dead serious.
There is literally no other way.
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Avoid arguing.
No one wins arguments or friends by arguing.
And yes, avoid arguing - even when you're right.
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Remember to maintain eye contact.
Practice it on every interaction you have, every single day.
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Here is why you need to be more agreeable:
1. People don't like people who disagree with them.
2. People like people who agree with them.
3. No one likes being disagreed with.
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Social skills mistake:
Assuming that people have negative intentions, or a negative impression of you before they even know you.
It can color all of your actions without you even being aware of it.
This puts people off. It can make any situation awkward.
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Have the courage to engage, a lot of people are also super shy and really appreciate it when you start the conversation.
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Make eye contact with the other person when talking.
It will be awkward at first but the more you get used to it the more confidence you get.
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Pretend like you know people.
Approach them with a big smile greet them like old friends.
We are comfortable around people who are comfortable around us.
So you can "fake" being comfortable in the beginning and soon enough that feeling will turn mutual and real.
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Change your self image.
Have the mindset of you're a fun, honest, charismatic guy.
One day you actually will be.
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Always talk with the other person's interests in mind.
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People aren't judging you as much as you think.
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The first step in increasing your skill in dealing with people (successful human relations) is to properly understand people and their nature.
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Push yourself to incredibly difficult things you aren't even sure you can do.
You'll gain confidence and become self assured.
At a point you won't care what people think of you because you know you're better than them and they can't do the shit you do.
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Admit when you are wrong.
"I made a mistake."
Average people lie and deny.
Big people admit, and people respect those who can.
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People won't remember what you said or what you did as much as they will remember how you made them feel.
So make them feel good.
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The most common mistake anyone can make in a social situation, is to overcompensate.
It's being too eager to please everyone, and eager to be the center of the conversation.
Good social skills is all about making everyone feel included.
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No amount or reading with improve your social skills.
Read, go out, and practice them.
This is an art, not a science.
Practice will make you better.
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Mistakes that ruin your vibe:
- Talking/moving too fast.
- Not maintaining eye contact.
- Nervous fidgeting, closed body language.
- Censoring words, being insincere.
- Getting offended.
- Over-selling, trying to be "cool".
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Don't be overly nice and try too hard. This comes across as creepy.
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Ask people how they are, ask tons and tons of questions.
Let them talk.
Do the thing where you give them a big smile and rock your head to show them appreciation when they talk about positive things.
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Try to avoid workplace drama.
Mind your own business.
Don't talk shit on anyone, even if you really want to.
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Interact with strangers and get out of your comfort zone.
If you do it all the time, it becomes completely normal to you and the "weirdness" of being outgoing disappears.
Even if it's just saying hi to someone that walks by you, interact with the world around you more.
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Live by the 'there are no strangers' approach.
Just talk to people like you already know and can relate to them.
This stops you overthinking and allows you to just be present with the other person.
The best and most natural conversations arise when you're at ease.
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The more listening you do, the more knowledge you will have, the more you will be liked, and the the better a conversationalist you will be.
People always like good listeners more than good talkers.
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I am very fond of strawberries and cream;
but I find that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms.
So when I go fishing, I don’t think about what I want.
I think about what they want.
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If you're very young, get a job that involves talking to people.
It will force you out of your comfort zone and make you communicate with others every day.
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Be a low-key leader
You can lead in subtle ways
If a new person joins the group, catch them up on the topic
If people don't know where to eat, suggest a restaurant and say "If the line is too long we can bail"
You CAN be a leader.
No one needs to give you permission for this
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Smile
Such a simple thing. It will make you seem 10x more approachable.
No need to go overboard.
Just a slight smile and make sure you get your eyes involved, then you'll be fine.
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The world is fairly indifferent, so be bold
People complain that people don't approach them, or people don't reach out enough, etc.
YOU must be bold and take the steps you want to get the outcomes you want.
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If you think like a loser, that's exactly what you'll portray to everyone around you, and believe me; no one wants to be around a loser.
If not even you believe in yourself, how do you expect others to believe in you.
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A conversation is not a competition.
Quizzing people, correcting people, trying to one-up people... don't do that shit.
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The friendliest person I know is Benjamin.
He’ll strike up a conversation anywhere and with anybody.
He starts off with a compliment.
“I like your house”
“Nice shirt”
“That’s a cute dog”
He always finds something nice to say
This makes people smile
They instantly like him
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Understand that the skills don’t develop overnight.
The willingness to put yourself out there time and time again and not dwell on “failed” interactions is key.
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There are 7 billion people in the world so don't over-analyze yourself while trying to impress one person.
If you fail at conversing with one person, don't worry because there are 7 billion other people to start over with.
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Some people just want to fight.
The simplest way to handle them is to refuse to fight with them.
Let them act out and fume and then look silly.
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Be confident in everything.
Not actually confident? Fake it.
Fake confidence is still confidence from the standpoint of everyone else involved.
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Relax.
Your body language says soooo much about your internal state and people will unconsciously pick up on those signals.
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Social skills are learned outside... so go outside, the internet will unfortunately never be able to improve your social skills.
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If you want to improve your eye contact, look into one eye.
Don't try to look into both eyes, it's much harder to do.
Don't look at their forehead, they can tell and it gives you a weird vibe.
Just look at one eye at a time, and switch eyes every few minutes.
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If somebody is rude to you, ask them to repeat themselves.
"sorry?" or "can you please repeat what you said?" in a calm confused tone.
Most people feel the guilt and are likely to either rephrase what they said or say it in a nicer way.
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The key to communicating with people is to talk about their interests.
Indulge them.
Be interested.
People love talking about themselves.
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When in social gatherings - go out of your way to introduce yourself.
This will undoubtedly help you make more friends.
It will help you with how others perceive you - I.e. you will be much friendlier seeming and respectable.
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Don't focus on meeting people and making friends.
Rather, pretend everyone is your friend.
Give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they're human and have a need to socialize as well.
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If you haven't done anything to hurt them, thank instead of apologizing.
Say "thank you for waiting for me" instead of "sorry for taking so long" and "thank you for listening to me" instead of "sorry I talk so much".
You'll feel better, the other person will feel appreciated.
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PEOPLE ARE PRIMARILY INTERESTED IN THEMSELVES, NOT IN YOU!
Putting this same thought another way – the other person is 10,000 times more interested in themselves than in you.
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Avoid criticism like a plague.
Tell a person they're wrong and they will resent you. No one likes to be judged or criticized. Not with words or gestures.
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High social skills come with practice, trial/error and failures.
Very, very few people are born into the ability to read a group and become someone worth listening to.
Many people had to learn the hard way.
You are not cursed.
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No matter how intimidating you find someone - remind yourself that they too are just another ridiculous human being who wants the same things out of life that you do.
We all have a lot more in common than we think we do.
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Think before you speak.
Practice it.
Pause a second before opening your mouth.
This is a practiced trait that will prevent you from staying weird things without context.
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General rule: If you can't say anything good, say nothing.
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You control people's opinions of you.
You are a stranger to everyone you meet and they form their opinion of you based on how you conduct yourself.
So conduct yourself in a way that brings respect and has a positive effect on other people.
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What are the basic social skills?
Simple:
1) Smile.
2) Maintain eye contact.
3) Laugh when you can.
4) Be interested in the person you're talking to.
5) Be friendly, curious and overall welcoming.
6) Be polite and abide by the manners.
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Stop saying you're ''terrible at meeting new people'' or ''extremely awkward'' since that just psychologically affects your self-image.
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You Can’t Win an Argument
There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument ~and that is to avoid it.
Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.
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Make eye contact when talking.
It may be difficult at first but the more you get used to it the more confidence you get.
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Make people feel important.
People have a natural desire to be recognized, and the more you can supply that feeling, the more they will respond to you.
Everybody wants to be treated like they are a somebody.
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Understanding people and human nature simply involves recognizing people for what they are; not what you think they are, nor what you want them to be.
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Knowledge and Courage are the elements of Greatness.
As they are immortal, they immortalize,
One is as much as he knows; the wise can do anything.
A man without knowledge is like a world without light. Wisdom and strength, eyes and hands.
Knowledge without courage is sterile.
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Confidence.
Fake it 'til you make it.
It's that simple.
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People tend to overthink and fret.
Too many WhatIfs.
That thing you're worried about?
Nobody gives a fuck.
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Make a daily commitment to practice all the social skills you're looking to pick up.
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Dress to impress.
It'll give you a boost in self confidence and people are more receptive when in social settings.
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When persuading someone, ask "yes" questions.
For example, "You want the most value for your money, don't you?" (Of course, who doesn't?!)
This gets them in the right frame of mind to say yes to you.
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If you are at all attractive or notably talented,
people will likely assume you are arrogant before they think of you as shy or reserved,
do your best to head off those assumptions as quickly as you can by showing your friendliness and willingness to listen.
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General rule: Let the other person do the bulk of the talking.
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"How to fix a downtrodden loser vibe?"
Fake it till you make it.
If tell yourself over and over that you're someone special, someone important, more than what you think you are, you'll eventually believe it and it will show.
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As a general rule, it helps to mimic the behavior of others in a social context.
If everyone else is speaking softly and you're speaking loudly, adjust your volume.
If everyone else is drinking in moderation or not at all, don't overdo it
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People are not judging you all the time.
They’re mostly judging themselves.
A moment you agonize over is probably something they didn’t even notice.
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"If you want to be interesting, first be interested."
Stop thinking about what you are going to say next and just listen.
It will make you engage more and your responses will be more genuine.
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Read their body language.
If someone's literally edging towards a door, shut the fuck up and let them go.
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Build yourself up on your own merits, not by trying to run other people down.
You will not make yourself look very good by trying to make others look bad for long.
Keep the focus on yourself.
Your own effort and ability determine determine your real progress.
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- Stop trying to control how people think of you
- Think of yourself less
- Become truly interested in other people
- Be honest as acceptably possible in the way that you present yourself to other people
- Err on the side of *more* social interaction than what you're used to
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Rather than asking a yes or no question, ask a yes or yes question.
Yes and no question: Would you like a drink?
Yes and yes question: Would you like a coke or would you have a coffee?
Let people chose between two yeses, and they're more likely to pick yes.
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Take the hint.
Is the person avoiding eye contact, giving short answers, looking around the room?
NEXT and find someone else.
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When someone is looking away a lot, doesn't make eye contact, is giving one or two word answers, and isn't having a whole lot of back and forth conversation with you,
it usually means they don't want to talk.
Way to many miss or ignore these social cues.
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Pay attention to what someone means to say and not what they actually say.
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Criticize the act, not the person.
This reduces the chances that the criticism will be taken personally.
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Looking people in the eyes in most situations shows a deeper interest on the listeners part.
Additionally it's easier to detect emotions by doing that.
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Learn to do small talk.
Weather, recent events, "What are your plans for Christmas/the weekend?" and so on.
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Many socially awkward people don't pick up on context clues, not because they are unable to see them, but because they aren't actively paying attention to the conversation.
They tend to focus on themselves (worrying about making mistakes) instead of listening to the other person
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Approach and practice small talk with strangers.
This way, even if you fumble and go wrong, there are no long term consequences.
You will not be seeing them again, nothing to lose - no social consequences.
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Social skills mistake:
Trying to impress the other person, either by bragging or trying to show off how much knowledge you have.
If you’re actually impressive, they’ll notice. But if you’re an obnoxious show-off, they’ll notice that much more.
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Thank people by their name.
"Thank you Mr. Strongman", instead of just a "Thank you"
This shows sincerity and appreciation, rather than just a formality.
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When you're talking to people, talk about the most interesting subject to them in the entire world.
And what is that subject?
THEMSELVES.
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The way to develop self-confidence, is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you.
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Learn how to say "Hello!" with some emotion, like being excited to meet someone, use inflection, smiling and saying it loudly.
It's all about how you start a conversation, makes people feel appreciated if you do it right and it's really not hard.
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How to start a conversation with a stranger:
1) Ask a simple contextual question
2) Make light, positive remark
3) Ask them their name, what's up - Get them talking
And take it from there.
Don't work always (some people don't want to talk to anyone), but works often enough.
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Get a job, interact with people because you have to.
Force yourself into uncomfortable situations because that will make you learn something new every time, even if you don’t realize it.
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Being able to function socially has a lot to do with knowing what *not* to say.
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You can have multiple versions of yourself i.e, professional you, being with friends you, talking with strangers you, etc.
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Just strike up conversations with anyone.
Some people will respond and some won't, but it'll get easier.
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Pause before you answer them.
This sends the message that you have considered and thought over what they have said - it makes them feel like their words were worthy of thought.
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Say good morning to a few people.
When ordering morning coffee if that’s your thing, tell the cashier good morning and possibly make small talk.
Basically set a goal to make entering conversation feel more natural to you before you begin working on the other aspects of it.
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If you must criticize, do it in complete privacy without raising your voice, behind closed doors and nobody listening.
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Imagine the people you would like to become friends with are already your friend.
Talk to anybody as if you've known them long enough to have a conversation about anything.
Then you should notice making friends/being in social situations are a piece of cake.
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Stop trying to get your message across, or sending out your opinion on everything.
When you meet people, focus on them.
Treat it like a project that you want to find out as much as possible about them.
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How can you make the other person 'feel good' by interacting with you?
Make that the goal and everything will make more sense.
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Social skills mistake:
Assuming other people care about getting the facts right than about connecting and being heard.
A lot of engineering types will dwell on details or keep pressing for an explanation when someone is just trying to tell a story.
People just want to be heard
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How to talk:
Ask (non offensive/ relevant) open ended question, listen to them, share person anecdote, repeat.
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