Going to a tattoo parlor to get a tiny ankle swastika covered and leaving with entire face and body covered in black ink

Spotted Ricky Gervais at LAX and gave him a polite but assertive wave he in return spit in my face and beat me till I turned into putty I now have to stick my mangled body to the keyboard just to tell my story

Honey put on your nicest pair of jncos we are getting the meat sweats tonight

Cloning a small Ricky gervais to yell at fast food workers after I get sick off too many burgers

Asking the emt to inject me with narcan to stop the meat sweats

Asking the emts to inject me with narcan cause I overdosed on chill pills

Hitting on a leftist girl let me proletearit up

Soaking my Ricky gervais cardboard cutout in coffee like he’s tiramisu when I get nervous

Only speaking in peanuts trombone noises so the guy at the liquor store thinks you’re of age

Beef strokin off…? I sure hope it doesn’t

On my deathbed passing control of the family buisness to my children (one of the kiosks in the mall that sell ai generated rick and Morty weed shirts and lafufus)

An interracial porn site called Malcom sex

Taking steroids only because I want bacne

*paramedic injecting guy with narcan* Ok just tell me when

*walks out of the doctors office looking like I made it out safely until I clutch my hand and reveal my post blood test bandaged finger* they got me… you guys can leave me behind… I’ll be okay…

I was just introduced to this beautiful Chinese girl named hu ka she seems really into me wish me luck 🤞

Trans teacher named Miss Terr

They banned purple nurples because of woke

Haven’t heard the term purple nurple in a while

Can’t open Substack without feeling like Brian griffin