𝙎am
@Sam_Edwards81
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As if this Jill woman thinks I tried to run her over on the way to work this morning when I live the other side of the country 😂😂😂
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Where the fucks my free dress then
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What a fucking joke. Got a skin fade and my mums acting like I’ve just murdered someone 😂😂😂😂😂fuck this family
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I actually hate my life. My mum just found 10 pills in my room and she said wtf are these I said they’re mints she said take one now then and I just dropped a pill in front of her in my fucking room.
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Seems like a conversation bottom set maths would have in school 😂😂😂😂😂
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Wearing a face mask in shops etc is compulsory on the 24th of July but why didn’t they do this way back in coronas peak. And why are they starting it 10 days from now ??
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Can’t believe I’m wasting what’s meant to be some of the best years of my life to be grounded by Boris & a 10pm bedtime for another 6 months
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Very weird fucking behaviour
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Unpopular opinion but the pubs are actually going to be shit. Too many rules etc is just going to ruin the point of it
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Poor guy actually looks stressed with the amount of screaming 12 year olds in there 😂😂😂😂 bet his heads still ringing
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Dunno what age I’m gonna stop saluting magpies and refusing to walk over 3 drains
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Corona has made me realise how dirty touching stuff like cash machines and petrol pumps are. Think how many dirty gremlins have laid their hands on them 🤧
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Who the fuck has ever called it hippy crack you virgins
Tommy Fury filmed inhaling killer drug ‘hippy crack’ from balloon
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When you’ve lost your mate on a night out and you’re trying to text them to see where they are
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Don’t get these people who win like £25,000 on the radio and they’re just like ‘ yeah cheers Andy mate ‘ don’t sound excited or anything
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Still to this day can’t believe some bird ordered a bottle of wine at the Shard and she thought it was a £50 bottle but turns out it was £5,000 😭😂😂 she read it wrong and now has a direct debit going to pay it off. Imagine being that unlucky
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Throwback to when some people actually believed Big Ben was going to be renamed to ‘ massive Mohammed ‘ 😂😂😂😂😂
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Still don’t know how to this day that my mum found pills in my bag and my response was ‘ it’s a smint ‘ lool
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Dunno if I’m just getting older or something but Snapchat is getting boring
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In Australia you get fined $20 for not voting and $50 if you don’t vote for the second time. Think this needs to happen in the UK
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Is lockdown even still on ?? Swear everyone’s back outside like nothings happened 😭
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Sat behind some lad and he’s texting his girlfriend and after every message he’s putting ‘ 🙊🙊🙊❤️❤️❤️’ twat
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4:45am and I’ve just witnessed someone eating a rustlers burger and drinking a monster on their break at work. Demon
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Don’t worry I got u. If the NHS gets privatised I’ll be doing runs to the hospital in my car for £10
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Few paracetamols and it’ll be alive again what the fuck is this
if you eat your steak anything other than this then your an eejit
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On the plus side at least I haven’t heard ‘ pump it up ‘ being played in a few weeks
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5 months ago I was sat in my bedroom getting waved on house party, playing them shit quizzes & looking at the walls in my bedroom. Times gone fast
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Stormzy must be feeling so peak 😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Don’t understand them people that haven’t worked in months but can still go out and drink every weekend, run a car & do everything their mates can without a single day of graft lool
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Opening cards and pretending you haven’t seen the money in it is a sport
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My cat never goes near me and he just came in my room and threw up and then fucked off the fat twat
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Size of that hot tub fucking hell
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Probably the left mate seeming as the right one says fucking Leeds at the top
The old and new of northern transport. Guess which one goes to London
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Been working today with this guy and he’s been telling me in depth all the dirty shit he does with his wife. I don’t think he’s aware that I’m mates with his son 😭😂😂😭😭😭
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How did I used to be an estate agent? This couple were so excited to move in to their first ever house. They told me to go meet them at their new house with the keys. They weren’t there so I posted them through the letter box. Then they couldnt move in cus they had no keys lool
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NYE is on a Friday this year. Can’t wait to see this shit year off for the entire weekend
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What did you seize ?? A fucking arcade ? 😂😂😂
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The queue to get into slug and lettuce car park after quarantine is over for girls to take a Snapchat of their pink gins with the caption ‘ missed my girlies so much ❤️😭😈👄’
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Gonna be decent when lockdowns over but what are we even going to do lool. No clubs or pubs will be open so is everyone just going to be getting pissed on fields like the year 11 days again 😭
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20 year old Vauxhall Corsa drivers racing to pick the year 10 girls up from school to take them to McDonald’s on their lunch break
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Just went swimming and I brought a bath mat instead of a towel by accident. What a fucking embarrassment. Whacked it out on the side of the pool and everything
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Nahhh people who do this are the ones who used to bark and growl at people at school. Animals
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Girls post peng stuff like this after a breakup to piss you off, and it works ngl
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There’s no way the food from spoons is safe. They could bring a 10 course dinner out in 5 minutes
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Can’t believe Finn was speaking to this girl from London and they’d never met. She came on a 7 hour train to meet him and now she’s moved in with him after a week😂😂 they went back to London to get her shit and came back down and she just ditched her family wtf
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You know it’s bad when McDonald’s have cancelled monopoly
We have made the difficult decision to delay the Monopoly promotion until later in the year until we can be confident that you can win, claim and redeem the prizes available.
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Dunno why my mums asking what I’m doing today like I’m about to go to the pub for a couple of hours then to the gym and then to meet all my mates. Nah I’m just sitting in my bedroom staring at the wall
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Can’t believe my mum paid for me to go private school for 4 years and I’m nothing more than a smack head
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Swear down my family are tapped. Got asked if I wanted to come downstairs and join the ‘ Christmas dog party ‘ safe to say I’m leaving the house till further notice
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As you see we have our first triggered individual named Beth: we can confirm she does drive an Audi A1
The guys all liking this and tweeting this are A class and bmw 1 series twitter
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If corona virus ruins summer I’m gonna be pissed off. I don’t stay in the UK for rain and freezing conditions for 8 months for nothing
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How cruel can you be holding your 5 year old daughter whilst committing suicide 🤢
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Do you think fiat 500 twitter will evolve one day and turn into Audi A1 twitter
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Can’t be the only one who doesn’t think this looks like blood. ??
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Sad to say this but today is the day I’ve blocked the Middle Aged woman named Sarah from Wales. It’s gotten too much. Sorry Sarah
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Fiat 500 twitter racing to Aitch’s house to batter his new girlfriend
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Its simple to get on Love Island really, all you need is:
Veneers
A shit accent
To have previously spoken to someone famous
A body count of 50+
An IQ of 1
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