Sal Vulcano
@SalVulcano
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12,776
For tour dates & tickets, podcasts & merch, click the link below...
New York, NY
Joined June 2009
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You guys are gonna love the new episodes. This Saturday April 2nd right after the Final Four games.
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GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE LOWE'S IS SLASHING PRICES GOD BLESS
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For as long as I can remember on Christmas Eve,
@joe_gatto
shows up at my home unannounced & in pajamas. He lets himself in, does a go-round on all available food, then all available desserts. Then he hugs my family and exits into the night. It's my favorite holiday tradition.
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How is it that EVERY single time I place the scissors or the tape or the pen down while wrapping I misplace them all every single time and they're within a two foot radius of me and nowhere to be found at the exact same time merry christmas god bless
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I'm a germaphobe and this is a pandemic. I don't give a shit. No matter who you are. You see me on the street and need a hug, I'm giving you a fucking hug. That goes for the peaceful protester and the well intentioned officer. We need to heal. I will fucking hug you. JOIN FORCES.
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Be GO FUCK YOURSELF
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Impractical Jokers is coming back for Season 7. I take none of it for granted. Thank you to all that watch and support it. Forever grateful.
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PLEASE SEND HELP TO MALL CHILD NEGLECTED IN CAR TURNING GREEN
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Sorry to be so blunt but Netflix's Christmas selection is an abomination. What's a guy gotta do to find a holiday classic over here?!?!?!
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Holiday pro-tip to all my younger followers out there. When mom yells "dinner's ready!", don't make her wait. She worked hard and wants you to eat hot food. Put down your phone or your controller and look forward to a meal with your loved ones. It's so much more important.
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Reality check. This tweet is way more damaging to your reputation as a role model to your own children than Joe playfully eating a donut could ever be. You're a parent spending your time online insulting people for no reason. We all think you can do and be better. Good luck.
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Thinking of all the folks who may have lost a mom or didn't exactly have one, for one reason or another. I care about you. Stay strong, you are loved.
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It feels like we're in an international escape room and no one's working together.
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I made it my job to laugh. And I laugh a lot. Thing is, laughing takes up most of my valuable time and I wouldn't have it any other way. Laugh in the face of things. Laugh despite things. Laugh when you feel you shouldn't. Laugh and watch what happens. JUST. FUCKING. LAUGH.
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Hi
@shakira
, would you go out with me? I'm just in a place lately where I've been dating so many Iying hips and I'm kinda over it.
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Has anyone ever turned down a mozzarella stick and if so how did you turn down a mozzarella stick?
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Twitter Sal is very different than Instagram Sal. Proceed with caution.
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I’ve said this before and I’m always happy to be reminded: DON'T STOP LETTING PEOPLE NOT HELP.
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Don't you give me no gift bag. You wrap that shit. WRAP. THAT. SHIT.
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The second I light a candle I can't even enjoy it because I feel pressure to blow it out relatively quickly as to not waste it so I have it for next time when I light it and feel the same way so basically I can't enjoy candles or anything else I have problems God bless
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Hey now, would you take a look at this...
‘Impractical Jokers’ Picked Up For Ninth Season By truTV
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I just asked Murr what he was wearing to an event we're both attending and he texted me "a sensible polo".
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I've never looked at a picture I've taken from a plane a second time.
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I don't have a man crush on you I don't have a man crush on you I don't have a man crush on you
Check out my special guest
@SalVulcano
from
@truTVJokers
on Straight Up Steve Austin this Monday night after
@WWE
Raw on
@USA_Network
.
Damn what a day!!
Set your DVR’s.
#StraightUpSteveAustin
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You ever try to type a word on your phone so many fucking times over and over and you can't understand how it keeps getting "corrected" to something else and you just can't take it anymore and you actively want to commit a terrible crime? Me neither.
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The answer is Joe.
I just met the impractical jokers on the street in NYC and I don't know who's fangirling harder, me or my mom.
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My phone autocorrected "Christmas" to "cherries" and I just wished my friends a Merry Cherries and I'm fine with it and I think I just invented Merry Cherries. Merry Cherries, everone! 🎄🍒
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OH SNAP! MARIJUANA LEGAL IN CALI. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS...
I'm home in Staten and going to watch some wrestling now. Maybe have soup.
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I'm not sure who's supposed to see this but ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING RAIN ALREADY.
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I am so overwhelmed by the responses to this tweet. Truly overwhelmed. Thank you all for giving me this feeling. I'm so lucky.
Listen - If you had a bad day, Impractical Jokers. All you need.
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If I was left alone with unlimited toast and butter I would eat it all until I pass out and possibly cause irreparable harm to myself bc I can't be trusted with toast and butter. Am I alone here?
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I'll never understand these takes. I see them quite often. Hard to make sense of it.
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Jan 1995. 25 yrs ago.
He said "Sal in 25 years you will tour the world w your stand-up act the way I do w mine"
I said "Prove it, handsome"
He said "It'll be called AMERICA'S SWEETHEART TOUR & be on sale at "
I've been waiting 25 yrs to announce this!!
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Mom just gave me bag LABELED Hairdryer she took from my hotel/thought was mine.She stole a hairdryer.Thinks I travel w bag labeled hairdryer
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My promise to you. If you're out to eat and you're sitting at a wobbly table hit me up and I'll come and fight it to the death. I have zero tolerance.
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You could punch me in the mouth and then give me garlic bread and I'd be like "Don't worry about that whole mouth thing."
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I've lied every time I've looked at someone's sonogram photo. I've never seen or deciphered anything ever and they all look the same. Thanks for listening.
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My uber driver, who is wearing one of those healing energy bracelets and has a huge dream catcher hanging off his gear shift, just close-fist punched the dashboard and cursed when he found out I was headed to Brooklyn.
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I'd rather castrate myself and eat my own testicles on a bagel with lox before I did this for a million dollars. And I hate lox.
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Some cool news to share! Renewed for Season 8, Impractical Jokers movie and our third annual cruise. Never in my wildest! "Thank you" falls far short of my gratitude for all that helped make these things happen.
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9 out of 10 people do not know how to drive. Not even close. This is a fact.
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I just went up and down the block and put huge red bows on a bunch of cars. Now...I wait.
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Today is
@ericandre
and my mom's birthday. Eric, wow, 68 years young. Mom, congrats on your voice over role in the new Lion King movie.
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My grandma just called Kevin McCallister's mom a bitch for forgetting him and said she's lucky she wasn't there or stuff woulda went down. Then went DIRECTLY to bed. Some real OG shit.
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My mom just used the phrase "Deez Nutz" of her own accord at a family gathering.
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Same.
I have a secret. I vey much like the show Impractical Jokers. mom got me hooked.
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I gotta tell ya, with this at-home lifestyle the weight is just melting right on my body.
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I can't be absolutely certain but according to my Instagram feed every single child ever born since the beginning of time went back to school this week.
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My entire life I've turned the little lock on the bathroom door when I shower specifically to avoid murderers so yeah I guess you could say I'm serious about safety.
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I wore long johns today because it was 14 degrees but forgot I wasn't going to be outside so now I'm just a guy wearing long johns under his clothes indoors god bless
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Ahhh nothing like making a nice cup of tea, settling into the couch with a blanket, watching 25-45 Netflix auto-play trailers, seethe with frustration at my indecisiveness and then fall asleep angry as a son-of-a-bitch.
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I called to order a pizza and the lady on the line called me darling a few times in passing and I immediately was like should I date this woman?
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FROM JUNE TO SEPTEMBER I'M BASICALLY ONE BIG MOSQUITO BITE GOD BLESS
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From this point forward please refer to me as "22 Across".
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OK my cousin just texted me a picture of all the brooms in her home standing on their own because the earth's axis. I thought she was messing with me. I just tried it myself and I’m freaking out.
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A lot of folks think Hitler was the worst human being in history but I'm here to tell you YOU HAVE NOT MET THE WOMAN SITTING NEXT TO ME ON THIS PLANE.
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Zero sarcasm. I'm loving all of your Halloween pics with your kids. Children are the best. Holidays are the best. Makes me so happy and we all need more of that.
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That's a wrap. Hope you all like it. It currently has zero negative reviews. (Also zero reviews).
Please check it out next year. I think it'll be a great date night, family night, friends night, stoners night out.
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Crunched some numbers and so help me the onslaught of celebrity deaths started when the Verizon guy defected to Sprint.
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If it's neither here nor there, then where the fuck is it?
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A lot of people say to me, "Sal, did you just sleep until 12:27pm?"
And to them I say, Happy Independence Day.
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Lavender is a scent NOT a flavor KNOW YOUR ROLL LAVENDER GOD BLESS
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If "moist" isn't referring to a sponge cake or a towelette it can take a walk.
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"Deez Nutz" is about to significantly enter back into my vocab rolodex. Just fyi.
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I'm at a Christening I can't.
Somebody please inform Jay-Z that because of my policies, Black Unemployment has just been reported to be at the LOWEST RATE EVER RECORDED!
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Let's all agree the first child born via conception due to the Coronavirus lock down be named Quarantina.
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Today marks the 20 yr anniversary of my first show w the guys. NYC 3/4/2000. I'm so thankful. I have so much love, support, inspiration & talent around me at all times. I'm indebted to all of my friends, family, colleagues & supporters. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.
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Guys! I've been waiting SO long to announce this!
#ImpracticalJokers
: THE MOVIE is coming to select theatres ON FEBRUARY 21st!!!
If you're a fan, friend or have a pulse, please retweet this! And come see it OPENING NIGHT! DON'T RISK THE SPOILERS!
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