Said A. Haschemi
@SaidHaschemi
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Investment Team & Memes @HV_Capital Big believer in🇪🇺🦄 dms are open #venturecapital #startups
Berlin - Munich - Frankfurt
Joined December 2019
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
One thing I learned as a VC🧐:
If a startup confesses that they signed another TS, I know the temptation is to ask, “with who?“
But that's inappropriate. Avoid it.🙅🏾♂️
Instead ask, “with whom? “ It is important to speak good English.
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*At closing dinner*
VC: Now that we are on the same side, please tell us who did we win against?
Founder: Do we really need to do this?
VC: Sequoia?😉
Founder: ..
VC: 🐯?!
Founder: We only got one term sheet
VC:
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And is this ‘VC dry powder’ in the room with us now?
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If your CEO is not sweating like Ballmer during launch day, you are not going to make it
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German notary after billing a seed startup for a few snacks and reading out loud non-stop for 5 hours
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The hardest part about breaking into VC:
Learning to ski
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POV: VC analyst with 0 industry knowledge challenging a founder on his GTM
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How to get free lunch in Berlin for two months:
1. Add “Associate at BCG/Bain/McKinsey 2020-2022” to your LinkedIn (don’t worry, nobody checks)
2. Change job to “Founder at stealth”
3. Wait for the VC requests
Follow me for more personal finance tips.
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Berlin tech bros will say they know a spot and take you to Soho House
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VC-Facts:
If you are not fundraising, and all of a sudden multiple VCs reach out asking to meet until Friday..
..There’s a 94% chance your competitor is fundraising.
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I'll never understand why people choose to live in Munich when this is Christmas in Berlin
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VCs: „we are so excited to chat with you, looking so much forward! 🚀“
Same VC in the call:
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Why does this outfit look like it’s about to raise a 30M Series A at 51x NTM Revenue in Berlin Mitte?
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****Pro tip for founders****
When sharing your screen during a VC call, always keep some tabs open with US VC websites…keeps everyone on their toes
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VCs: What do you want?
Founders: Value add
VCs: Have a breakfast with other founders on a Tuesday instead
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If this tweet gets more than 1000 likes, I will name and shame all German VCs flying first class to Slush from Berlin to Helsinki!
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VC Facts:
70% of all recommendations VCs are giving to startups is based on the last 3 podcast that they have listened to.
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VC is weird industry.. like half of us view it as finance and the other half thinks of it as drinking coffee
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Founder: „Did you had a chance to go through the deck that we sent!“
VC: „Of course, we always come in prepared“
Same VC 1 min before the meeting:
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I was 7 thinking by 2022 we will have flying cars. But here we are in Berlin with cash only restaurants..
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London VC Partners to their Juniors rn after reading that a16z is coming
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Founder: thanks for reaching out. We are not interested to chat at the moment as we are heads down working.
VCs:
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*zoom intro call*
VC Associate: Thanks for sharing your vision with us! What do you look for in a VC.. besides the funding 😉
Founder: Operational experience.
VC Associate:
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European VCs: „I'm here for one reason and one reason alone. I'm here to guess what the US VCs might invest in a week, a month, a year from now. That's it. Nothing more.“
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Why are startups expected to have a detailed breakdown of their budget for the next 5 years, when our governments cannot plan for 3 months ahead? 🤔
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„yes, I recently switched from consulting to venture capital in Berlin. How did you know?“
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VCs calling up startups after hearing that the founder got invited to a dinner by another VC
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Kind reminder: nobody wants your €1500 jan 1-15 sublet in Berlin Mitte
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If VCs blur the background in zoom calls in Q1, there is a 90% they are in Cape Town
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Shopify - a German success story in ecommerce
This morning I met with
@collision
, President of
@stripe
– a European success story in payments.
Great conversation about the international payments landscape, how we tackle cyber-risks and fraud, and the role of financial education.
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Founder: Hey, just wanted to give you a heads up, we will be signing with a lead from the US.
Every European VC on the map:
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Munich tech bros will move to Berlin and post a BeReal of six VCs on the seventh floor at Soho house and be like “i love this city’s energy”
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The biggest loser of the rumoured Getir and Gorillas merger: my wallet
Goodbye VC-funded discounts 🥲
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Founder: hey, we finally met the KPIs you told us we need before you would consider an investment. Let‘s discuss!🚀🤞
VC:
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The thing I love about living in Berlin is no matter how bad I look that day someone’s gonna look worse
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POV: you just quit your job at McKinsey in Munich to start your marketplace startup in Berlin Mitte.
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*VC at the airport*
TSA Agent: Do you carry any explosives?
VC: Just this 2021 vintage fund
TSA Agent:
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„No friends in the industry“, writes young VC Associate Aubrey D. Graham in his Substack draft after reading on TechCrunch that the founder who told him that they „are not raising before Q4“ closed it’s Seed round with his BFF‘s fund. 💔
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VC: „You are the first founder I have brought here“
Soho House bartender:
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*****Pro tip for junior VCs*****
If a Partner asks you: Did we miss this deal?
Just say: Felt like a 2021 deal
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It’s getting warmer, so time for VCs to switch from winter Patagonia vests to summer Patagonia vests
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„There has never been more VC money than today! But nobody is investing! Do you listen to the All-in podcast? The besties call it dry powder! Chamath says the best startups are built in times like this. Have you heard about ChatGPT? Crazy stuff!“
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How to add value as a VC:
1) Find a semi-related tweet on Twitter
2) Screenshot it
3) Send it to the founder with the caption “Interesting”
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VCs: “you need to get network effects to organically grow faster”
Founders:
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„Happy new year! hope this email finds you well and re-charged..“
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no Berliner has all three:
• a life
• an apartment in Mitte
• Entry to Berghain
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*After the first pitch*
VC: Thanks so much for the great pitch. Now it’s your turn to ask us some spicy questions 😉
Founder: What’s your process like from here on?
VC: We could literally wire the money now, if needed! Jokes aside, it’s super straightforward…
The process:
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When founders hit you with „We are heads down working on product and not taking any investor calls“
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VC interview question:
Company A and B offer the same SaaS solution.
A has proven a repeatable sales motion and has crossed 1M ARR.
B is pre-everything but connected on LI to two a16z Partners.
Which company do you invest in?
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With 8 VC breakfast/dinner/drinks invites in the inbox in one day, it’s official season opening:
EUROPEAN VC SUMMER IS HERE
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How can you read VC blogs and still have imposter syndrome?
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VC is for people who think they could skip grades in school but didn’t.
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“do one thing every day that scares you”
Today I took the U8 in Berlin
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Sun is out in Europe☀️ Time to go for another run this weekend🏃🏾♂️
Any banks you can recommend?
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Being a VC is lecturing startups about the importance of cutting unnecessary costs, then attending startup conference parties with David Guetta as DJ
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Being a European VC is telling yourself you can come up with own investment thesis and then ignoring that to invest in the European equivalent of Sequoia’s latest portfolio company anyway.
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The best thing about traveling when you live in Berlin Mitte is that you realise 5€ coffee is not normal anywhere else
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When you hear VCs are preparing for their ski trips after working in Cape Town
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Berlin ppl are like “subletting my apartment for Sept 1-7th, 9th, 23-25th, and 30th. Only €2k and you’ve to water my plants”
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My dear VC Juniors,
Stop asking SaaS founders: “what if google does it”🤔
Start asking: “what if a commercial open source startup does it” 👍
Shout out to
@peer_rich
for making Calendly run for their customers with
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„Unfortunately, we couldn’t get there for this round. But I will be cheering from the sidelines. Looping in my assistant, so we can catch up end of the year“
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90% of every VC Dinners is allocated to talking about “doing deals together” that will never happen
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It's actually only VC if it's from the Vecée region of France, otherwise it's just sparkling PE.
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At least someone got his money out in time from Silicon Valley Bank
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VCs at a networking event when they see a stealth founder in real life
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We did a think! 🙌🏾
Excited to work with the next generation of iconic startups 🚀
HV Capital is thrilled to announce the successful closing of its newest investment fund, HV Capital Fund IX, which raised a record €710m and reinforces HV Capital's 23-year track record of successful investments across all economic climates!
Read More:
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Hello 🦄🦄🦄!
@HV_Capital
’s new € 535M fund is waiting for you!
Super pumped to partner up with exceptional founders in building market leading digital companies!
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Me, looking at all the BeReals from VCs working this week in Lisbon.
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Shout out to all the VC Associates carrying the deal team all by their own through the data room this weekend! 🙏
#onefortheteam
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Founders in 2022 trying to follow all the different advices they get from VCs:
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Schrödinger's term sheet:
A term sheet from a tier 2 VC that you have and don’t have at the same time until you tell who is leading the round.
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90% of VC value add is asking how many months of runway are left
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Mom: You look so happy, what happened?
Me, a VC Junior: .. nothing, life is just wonderful.
#smallstepsbigdreams
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VCs checking on their LPs for a vibe check before summer break
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If as a VC your top emoji aren’t 🚀or🔥 then you might wanna consider supporting your portfolio companies better
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Uber has no cars.
Airbnb has no real estate.
VCs have no capital for ventures.
This is the new economy.
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When it’s been one quarter without a new unicorn in France 🇫🇷
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I might have to stop going to the soho house gym. Too many VCs. I came here to get physical and meet c-list celebrities, instead I am being subjected to a discussion on the latest Harry Stebbins podcast. Smh
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The best VCs are moving quick and adapting to new conditions:
Board Meetings in London
Websummit in Lisbon
Dinners in Berlin
Slush in Helsink
All with one suite case.
Brutal.
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Yo man, it’s true - they will get TS by Monday from US funds. Growing 3x YoY, massive whitespace, fucking 120% NDR. They’ve even got a burn multiple of lower than 2 for Q3…. Yes, massive network effects. Fuck it man, let’s offer them 50x revenue run rate
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men will literally chat with a bot and post screenshots of the conversation instead of going to therapy
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French investor after his first 8 hour notary appointment in Munich
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Tell me a scary startup story in German with just one word. I’ll go first.
Liquiditionspräferenz.
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