I’m on the front page of the New York Times sports section!!

my Roman Empire is that in two weeks we’ll have a blood red moon eclipse on Ides of March Eve

I was so excited when I thought this was an app to protect libraries and books from censorship and burning 😭

I really need @lyft and @Uber to have an option to choose NO Teslas!! because I am going to vomit. The weird lurching motion of Teslas makes me so carsick

I’m at the 🦋🌥️ place @ Sabra Boyd

I’m about to sign a contract on the venue for my play!!

I can’t tell if Elon naming his government agency DOGE is a clever wink to medieval Venice’s doges and his deranged oligarchical ambitions, or if it’s just a coincidence

CEOs might feel a lot safer if they gave up their jobs and paychecks to AI like the rest of us

If America is the great experiment, it’s been P hacked to death and desperately needs a peer review

I wish a “jury of one’s peers” meant a jury entirely comprised of people with disabilities and bad spinal surgeries

What will Elon tweet if one of his many kids gets cancer that there’s no cure for no matter how rich you are all because he killed the bill that would have funded pediatric cancer research

a government shutdown is the perfect time for Biden to cancel student loan debt on his way out

Timothée Chalamet lookalike contest at the Metropolitan Detention Center

So many people I was homeless with as a teenager are now famous musicians and performers. It’s like the movie FAME except under a bridge with a chorus of rats

Laugh-crying with a friend about how being a journalist diagnosed with agoraphobia is hilarious because 85% of my job as a journalist requires meeting new people and going new places. I’m literally the Mr. Bean of journalism and relentlessly subject myself to exposure therapy

Become u̶n̶g̶o̶v̶e̶r̶n̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ungoogly-eyes-able

are you neurotypical or did you study Emily Post’s book and other 19th century etiquette guides to help you fit in at middle school

You know we’re in an age of oligarchy in the US because people say things like “We got married after Trump” or “I had surgery before Trump” or “We met during the Trump election”—We mark time now like we’re fully embracing America’s feudal age year Tickety-Two of the Trump Dynasty

When Mary on #RHOSLC ordered Pastrami Soup I was thrown into memories of my mom’s horrendous cooking because she used to make pastrami soup with sauerkraut. It was so bad. I became a vegan when I was 8 and taught myself to cook for the family so I didn’t have to eat my mom’s food

Has anyone figured out how to ask neurotypicals clarifying questions without them thinking we're debating them?

I used to be a kidney transplant + cadaver coordinator. When politicians ask me about organ trafficking my answer is 100x longer than expected and begins with the origins of oncology in ancient Egypt, plasma donor coercion, research ethics, politics of prison, eGFR medical racism