Rudy JUULiani
@RudyJUULianiV2
Followers
3,822
Following
303
Media
1,111
Statuses
6,828
full time retard, part time tweeter. proud owner of a 2007 Henrik Lundqvist bobblehead. 757 credit score
Hell
Joined July 2022
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Pinned Tweet
Me showing the Indian 7/11 employee which zyn flavor I want (he doesn’t speak English)
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Well my ex canceled the Spotify premium I was using which unfortunately means I am revoking her Dads access to my Disney +. Good guy. Hate to see him caught in the crossfire
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Why did no one tell me there are 2 paths in life.
1. Stare at an excel sheet until your eyes bleed
2. Work yourself to death in the trades
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Oh so all of a sudden 30 seconds of 4.8 is enough to rock your world?
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Don’t hate me if: “I’m a bad texter”
The key to my heart is: “Food”
I know the best spot for: “Espresso Martinis”
Change my mind about: “Men 🤢”
Biggest mistake: “downloading this app”
Typical Sunday: “hungover 🤒”
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How I look trying to get the bartenders attention at 4:79am black out drunk
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Hinge is always like “Hey Rudy, we think you and ____ are a great match!” And it’s just a massive girl
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Doing lines in the handicap stall and yelling racial slurs at the outfielders
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Google now admits it tracks you in Chrome's incognito mode following $5B settlement
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all men have a favorite YouTube video that they love to talk about at least once a week
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Blue Mountain State being put back on Netflix just in time for White Boy Summer. Some things are just meant to be
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Me and the fellas pulling up to the Capitol tomorrow
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Sitting at the bar throwing third base coach signs at the bartender when I want another beer
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Would be a shame if the NCAA investigated Zach Edey at halftime
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Sitting in offices you’ve never been in using Zyn flavors you’ve never heard of
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Pretty shitty out right now. Might fuck around and make a minority deliver food to my front door
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Me in my bedroom shadowboxing the hat man after taking 35 Benadryl
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Sisters college graduation is 3pm on PGA Championship Sunday. Did they hire a team of retards to coordinate this?
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Messaging ugly girls on hinge like I’m Ohtani on a rehab assignment in Triple-A
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Potentially an old head take here but holy fuck this has gotta be one of the worst fashion trends recently. Take off the fuckin SB Dunks
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My uncle took my virginity at the 2008 Lexus December to Remember Sales Event
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Me and the fellas when the bar says they don’t have TouchTunes
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I must be housing Osama Bin Laden the way I tally these bands
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Standing at the bar after fumbling a dime piece 10 minutes earlier
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This hangover has a “I’m gonna beat my shit 13 times today” kinda feel to it rn
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It has come to my attention that this woman is 24 and has children.
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2 interviews tomorrow, date Friday. White Boy Summer is in full effect
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Well my ex canceled the best feature Apple ever added that I was using which unfortunately means I am revoking her Dads access to the 97 year-old diner in NYC that serves their coke the old fashioned way. Good guy. Hate to see him caught in the crossfire.
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When your parents ask what you want for Christmas as a kid
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This is what it looks like when my girl gives me a handy
Victor Wembanyama holding a baseball is a truly ridiculous sight
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There is no way 65% of straight women cum (based on my experience)
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Children playing football ❌
Children chemically castrating themselves ✅
California lawmakers will debate on Wednesday whether to ban tackle football for children under 12.
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This is literally Jeff Dye’s “women always say lizzo’s beautiful til you tell one they look like her” joke happening in real time
Ole Miss bros chant “Lizzo” at large anti-Israel protestor.
It’s funny how everyone knows this is an insult, because Lizzo is a kind of affirmative action celebrity. If they chanted “Rhianna” at a girl who resembled her it wouldn’t make sense as an insult.
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Seeing all the girls posting instagram stories without a man today
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Doing this to the officer at the DUI checkpoint when he asks if I’ve been drinking tonight
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Hinge is always like “we think you and Amanda would get along” and Amanda is just a 300 pound ogre
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Took a bite after my gym crush was on the bike and got kicked out. I’m sorry, I thought this was America???
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I live a simple life.
Sunday: Football
Monday: MNF and Trivia
Tuesday: fifa with the lads
Wednesday: fifa with the lads
Thursday: TNF
Friday: fifa with the lads then drinking
Saturday: CFB and drinking
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Surely the 13 beers I drank last night won’t affect my performance on the hardest course on Long Island
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Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow today, which means he’s now predicting an early spring.
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Friends are getting angry with my about my take on Guinness again. So, I’d like to clear the air a bit.
Guinness is garbage. Guinness is overrated. It tastes like liquid turf.
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“You’d be retarded to leave DJ Moore on your bench this week”
Me:
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6mg Zyns
7-12 beers after work on a Friday
Liverpool Football Club
Jorking my peanitz
The Burnerverse
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@HighDef_TV
There’s a bunch missing “time and date” “need my dogs approval” “make me laugh” etc
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I’m quickly back to $100
Turned $100 to $400 in like 5 mins on fanduel blackjack. I fear I’m in love with this
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Ran into World of T Shirts on the train this dude is so autistic it makes me seem normal
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This is absolutely fucking insane
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When the officer asks me to describe the perpetrator
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Bouncer: dude did you just throw up all over the bathroom?
My blacked out ass:
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I have absolutely 0 ties to Ole Miss or this Devin Masson kid. How is every other tweet on my timeline about him
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Does Stevie Wonder piss on his shoes?
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“You gotta be a 97-year-old NYC diner that still serves their Coke the old fashioned way if you think we fuckin”
My dumbass:
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Miller and Michelob trash tier is asinine
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Leg kicks like this should be the first sign you should NOT be fighting this dude
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Trying to rent a place with a few buddies and one said he doesn’t wanna move unless it’s “by the water.” Brother we are 23 year old retards we don’t have “by the water” money
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Women calling Lizzo Telling women
beautiful they look like Lizzo
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How I feel after 6 tequila soda limes and a couple of Marlboros finest cigarettes
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Just saw a “drive like your kid lives here sign. Don’t mind if I do!
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Hate to break it to you buddy, but that $100 is going towards cocaine
Quality conversation with my college son tonight… Why is it always $100
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