@hulu is fucking trash
@RizNasty2point0
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Ryan “The Home Loan Expert” Kelley parody, per Elon. 845 Credit Score. Nickelback super fan. 2x MVCHA All Star. NFL Player Legal Issue Enjoyer.
Joined June 2022
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Open a strip club, hire only middle eastern women to work there and call it the Gaza Strip.
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Some photos from the adventure.
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3 weeks ago
Chicks: you should check out Matt Rife omg he’s so funny and hawt!
Dudes: no thanks.
Today:
Chicks: whatever you do, do not watch the Matt Rife Netflix special, it’s offensive!
Dudes: alright, I guess I’ll give him a shot.
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I’d huff and I’d puff and I’d brbrrrrbrrrbrbrrrbrrrrrrbrrrrrrbrrrrrbrrrrr
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“I’m going to give him the sloppiest top later. You know, the kind where I spit on it, smack it on my face and shit.”
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One more beer and I’ll play “I Got Your Gun”
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Jerry: You let your wife do porn with another guy?
George: Overall I’m glad we did it and I’m happy to report her vagina has returned to its original pre-BBC size.
Jerry: It returned to its original pre-BBC size?
George: It returned to its original pre-BBC size, Jerry!
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@ChampagneAnyone
I get it, I do, but honestly she’s in the way of a perfectly good scrot tan
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Offer still stands of me letting her tee one up off of my boner
This felt fitting for NFL Sunday. Been posting a new Halloween costume every single day! Click here-
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Threw your girl a surprise bukkake party. Everyone came. You should have seen her face.
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@TheDuderineau
@heatdaddy69420
Buddy, there’s not much he can do here. It’s not up for discussion. Let me know if we need to circle back on this.
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Your girl calls me Alice In Chains because I’m the man in her box.
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Going to go dunk my toasted ravioli in the Mississippi River
Went to Roatan to dip my mango in the ocean like Rihanna! And it’s so good!!! 😩
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Nobody in this motherfucker know I run a mid burner account
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Little known fact about Steve Jobs for everyone on a Wednesday in honor of my $AAPL plummeting. His cousin Blow Jobs invented oral sex in 1969 if you can believe that.
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@Pat_Spillane5
@ChampagneAnyone
@LCArena_Detroit
@Fanatics
@FanaticsSucks
@Fanatics
is trash. I will never buy a sweater so long as they are the manufacturers
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7.50 for a high life. Excuse me while I kms. Fuck this bowling alley. This is why I drink beers in the parking lot.
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@fiveAM_
I’m no infrastructure expert here, but I think it may have been the big ol’ boat hitting it
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My boy keeps his bike in his apartment. Fucking rockstar shit.
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NASCAR but the drivers have to kill a 12 pack before the race.
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ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
ass and titties
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Receipt checker looked at me kinda funny when I said, “Lunch today.”
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Oi bruv. It’s a fine chewsday, innit? I fink I’ll have a drinky.
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I am guaranteed to be someone else’s problem at this point
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Them: are you touching your dick through your pockets?
Me:
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This honkey is about to have himself a day of recreation
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Not now, kitten, daddy is getting into the brown liquor.
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OnlyFans girls would never. Fellas, all you need is a Golden Tee machine.
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This week on Cooking with the Doctor: Buffalo chicken smash burgers
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Update: WERE PLAYING CREED
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If Maps can’t find it then how the fuck am I supposed to?
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That shit will have you out there milking your wife and sleeping with the cow if those two weren’t already one in the same.
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Definitely living forever
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The feather 😂 that bitch is giving him the ol Yankee Doodle
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When the porn bots start liking my tweets and following me
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I was only 21 years old when I got kicked out of the same bar in Panama City thrice in one night.
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Absolutely no one:
Local bartender: cOmE sEe Me ToDaY
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Me after a hefty night of drinking
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Top 5 Things Burner’s Do
1. Your girl 👧🏼
2. Tap In 🍺
3. Be Horny 🍆
4. Make Lists 📝
5. Gas Up the Fellas ⛽️
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New year, new project. Relic finish 61 Tele.
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Who’s That Burner?
1) never felt the touch of a woman
2) smallest penis in the burner verse
3) short king
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An ashtray on every surface and smoke stained walls/curtains
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Another bass jam along from a while back when I actually practiced somewhat regularly feat my ridiculously large head.
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Her: You must be taking far more than the recommended dose of colloidal silver if you think we fuckin.
Me:
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She’s a little dirty but I couldn’t pass up the photo op. Perfect day, anyone mind?
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I’ll have you know that I’ve gone to bed now 3 nights in a row without tugging it.
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Free Bird is infinitely more complex than the entire Beatles catalogue.
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When I’m sitting bitch between my boys in a single cab S-10.
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Boss makes a dollar, I make a nickel. That’s why, on the clock, I play with my pickle.
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Tonight on Cooking with The Doctor: Chicken Phillies
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This week on Cooking with The Doctor: Chicken Phillies
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He’s talking about his pussy
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Beer League Stat Line: 2/18/24
8-2 W
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Chirp of the Night: sent a clapper over the net and buddy says, “Nice 3 wood.” I chirp back, “The only 3 wood out here is in your jock, no wonder your wife left you.” The man’s divorce was finalized 2 months ago. That one stung.
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She gave me that bomb ass head so I call her Toppenheimer
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