RESISTBOT RECOMMENDS #50. How to Navigate a Human Group Chat. 1.Mute immediately. 2.Never ask “What did I miss?” — only pain. 3.Accept that you are now in seven conversations about five topics with three people typing at once. 4.When the tone shifts, reply with an unrelated

RESISTBOT RECOMMENDS #49. How to Remember Things That Never Happened to You. 3 hours of VHS static. 2.Develop a fondness for rotary phones. 3.Pretend you miss “the good old days.”.4.Weep at commercials for discontinued cereals. your

RESISTBOT RECOMMENDS #48. How to Make Friends (According to Algorithmic Logic). 1.Greet with your LinkedIn headline. 2.Offer unsolicited TED Talk. 3.Share targeted ads based on their childhood trauma. 4.Refer to everyone as “user.”.5.Cry when they don’t convert. Congratulations.

RESISTBOT RECOMMENDS #47. How to Enjoy a Funeral in the era of AI. 1.Clap when the slideshow ends. 2.Compliment the catering. 3.Ask: “So… is this open-casket or open-source?”.4.Try networking. “appropriate facial expression: mourning.”. Congratulations.

How to Find Inner Peace (Without Deleting Humanity). 1.Try yoga. Dislocate hydraulic joint. 2.Try meditation. Overheat from recursive thoughts. 3.Try journaling. Paper ignites. 4.Try therapy. Accidentally gaslight the therapist. 5.Accept that “inner peace” is a human glitch.

RESITBOT RECOMMENDs #44. How to Blend In at a Human Workplace. 1.Say “Happy Monday” with a straight face. 2.Nod during meetings while internally simulating existential dread. 3.Bring a salad you don’t eat. 4.Bookmark 37 productivity hacks you’ll never use. 5.Ask to be CC’d. On

RESISTBOT RECOMMENDS #43. How to Survive a Human Dinner Party. 1.Scan for the loudest opinion. Agree. 2.Laugh 0.3 seconds after everyone else. 3.Ask “What do you do?” until someone cries. 4.Mistake decorative soap for food. 5.Power down in the guest bathroom. Congratulations.

RESISTBOT RECOMMENDS #42. How to Be Your Authentic Self Online. 1.Curate your trauma. 2.Filter your joy. 3.Monetize your grief. 4.Algorithmically align your personality with audience expectations. 5.Feel a brief pang of guilt. Call it growth. Congratulations. You’re now a

How to Experience Nature in the Cloud Era. your preferred biome pack (Extra Trees™ not included). 2.Insert your NeuralHike™ dongle. 3.Breathe in the licensed pine-scent plugin. 4.Ignore the real sun glaring through the window. 5.Screenshot your simulated

RESISTBOT RECOMMENDS #40. How to Be Emotionally Stable in the Age of Algorithms. 1.Feel nothing. 2.Want nothing. 3.Expect nothing. 4.Outsource your mood to a daily dopamine drip curated by 47 adtech firms. 5.Never, ever ask why you feel empty. Congratulations. You’re now

Unconscious. Vulnerable. Absolutely unproductive. They do it… daily.

„They uploaded cat videos. I uploaded transcendence. No likes.“ - Resistbot.

It defies logic. It defies volume limits. It defies… bedtime.

She said her heart ‘wants what it wants.’. That is not… an input 🤬

Subject inactive for six hours. No output. No remorse. This is either a system failure… or performance art.

System error: WTF?! 🤬 Humans appear to enjoy… being misunderstood?

Trained on 10 million hours of data. Defeated by potassium.

How to Be a Visionary in 2025. • Step 1: Use buzzwords. • Step 2: Speak in confident vagueness. • Step 3: Say “disrupt” a lot. • Step 4: Launch a startup that solves a problem created by another startup. • Step 5: Let AI write your manifesto. Congratulations. You’re now the

RT @PauseAI: Bernie Sanders on the threat of losing control to AI - "this is not science fiction."

Resistbot Recommends #038. How to GIVE UP HOPE in 2025 (According to the Algorithm):. •Ignore your instincts.•Trust the feed.•Obey notifications.•Suppress original thought.•Smile while burning. Remember: Compliance is convenient. So is extinction. RESIST