Will Ferrel™
@RealFerrellWill
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Joined February 2013
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Sometimes when I'm bored I lay on my kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb..
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Regret setting your phone on 'Silent' or 'Vibrate' once you misplaced it.
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Anyone who thinks having a child is the best day of their life clearly never had a vending machine give them 2 bags of Doritos by accident
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Hardest thing ever? Controlling your laughter at serious times.
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That awkward moment when you throw something at your friend but it hits someone else.
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Everybody talks about finding the one that makes their heart skip a beat. Personally, I'm not looking to develop a heart problem.
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"Pssst! Hey Patrick?" "What?" "I thought of something funnier than 24" "What?" "25" #spongebob
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My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal
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One man's trash is another man's treasure" -great saying, horrendous slogan for an adoption agency
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If zombies ever attack, go to Costco. It has concrete walls, years of supplies, and the zombies can't get in without a membership card.
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Found a mozzarella stick in my rental car glove compartment and ate it, no hesitation. That's gangster. Would a blood or crip do that? NOPE
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I dropped my laptop off a boat the other day. It's a Dell, rolling in the deep.
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You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google
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Those small rocks that get in your shoe for no fucking reason
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I hate when your mad at someone and they make you laugh
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Forget flooding and blackouts, i just saw a dude in downtown NYC eating a raw potato like an apple, biting right into it. IT'S WILD OUT HERE
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If a football player didn't have football pants would he go out in jeans and hope no one would notice
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