Make porn, not war.

Why would I want kids when I have absolutely no clue how to take care of them? I don't even know how often you're supposed to water them.

My co-worker was accused of flipping off the boss. I told HR that it couldn't have been him because he never lifts a finger to do anything.

Is a person diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder able to get a group rate from their therapist? Just asking for some friends.

"YOU DON'T KNOW DICK!" - Me to all of my co-workers as I introduce them to our new intern Richard.

My husband might not fuck me often, but when he does, he absolutely destroys my pussy.

Not sure I can watch any Academy Awards that doesn't recognize Ray Liotta for his role in CHANTIX.

If my looks won't get your attention, maybe my knife throwing skills will

Hey skanks; There are literally billions of fish in the sea. You think you can keep your hands off of somebody else’s husband? It’s really not that hard, you fucking home wrecking whores.

If Heaven is a place on Earth then I must be living on fucking Pluto.

Boobs are the superpower.

Dear men that love curvy women Keep that shit up

Get in loser, we’re about to jam out and cry it out to some music.

Post the goofiest, weirdest, funkiest, most random WTF gif in this thread and then retweet and let’s see what kind of a shit show we can all put together:

Stop bragging. It’s pretty easy to go balls deep when your dick is only 4 inches long, bro.

my ex won’t leave me alone and that’s why u don’t give lame dudes good pussy

People who follow to unfollow, I wish you have dry sex for the rest of your life. Assholes.