Don’t think I’ll ever fully leave Twitter (or stop calling it Twitter) but if you are and you’re still reading this, then I’m over here too: https://t.co/ySLyvpCw6X

LIFE HACK: Ask someone “can I ask you a question?” before asking your actual question so you’re sneakily getting two for the price of one.

MODERATOR: Are you willing to commit to NOT raise the sales tax? MIKIE SHERRILL: I'm not going to commit to anything right now. On Nov. 4, vote NO on Mikie Sherrill. ❌

Really struggling with this puzzle. If only I’d paid more attention to pop music in 2005.

BRUCE WAYNE: Ugh, if only there was a way to reduce crime in this city. ALFRED: Well, Master Bruce, as a billionaire if you paid your taxes fairly, it would help fund the services that fight crim- BRUCE WAYNE: Make me a Bat-themed car and weapons.

Who are you trying to kid, air freshener manufacturers? Nobody believes I drank two cans of Guinness, ate a full Sunday roast, and left my in-laws’ bathroom smelling like a Polynesian island. We need more realistic scents like ‘really mild fart’ or ‘slightly dehydrated urine’.

Tucker Carlson asked Ted Cruz if Jews under Netanyahu have any connection to the Jews of the Bible. I posed the question to Netanyahu himself.

Ozempic website asked if I accept cookies. Why else do you think I’m here?

Huge missed opportunity not to buy their own boat and call it Buoyancé.

The best part about being over 40 is how you need to exercise even more to stop gaining weight but also how exercising more makes your body feel like you’ve wrestled a particularly aggressive silverback gorilla.

BREAKING: White House releases conclusive proof that all is well from today’s golfing trip.

Hard to know what to choose at this camouflage shop.

Eleanor Rigby, Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been… Cheaper Indian cuisine

Waymo is designed to obey road rules & never drives under the influence. Learn why these advocates say it could save lives.

Always amazes me that these two are brothers.

I’ve learned all the rules about clown shoes, which is no small feat.

Nobody will remember: - Your salary - Your fancy job title - How ‘busy’ you were - How stressed you were - How many hours you worked People will remember: - The lyrics to the opening theme of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Took the kids to the battery zoo to see the li-ions.

Cumin, coriander, cardamom, and turmeric. - ingredients in an Oxford Korma

“I felt it leave… like a breath being let out of me.” One viewer’s moment of freedom while watching ElijahStreams.

Maurice Gibb’s ghost gives me the he be Bee Gees.

If only there were a snappy pop culture reference for a bust-up between a supposed illegal alien and a convicted sexual predator.

Inter have got a lot to do in the second leg.

What a way to find out you’re Mr. Brightside.

1/ $DFDV declares Shareholder Warrant Dividend The complete press release. 👇 https://t.co/sCkbJEygXG

https://t.co/g3G5NgMCRr