Eating my banana like it’s corn so I don’t get called to HR.

An old acquaintance handed me this hoodie about five years ago (his company logo is on the back), and said I’d be good advertising. His company grinds stumps, so I’m still not sure how to take that, but it was a free hoodie, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Boss just dropped off my new carbon fiber hard hat. They got them for each of us and they’re printed with the company logo. Swanky.

Forever teetering on the line between “Don’t tell me what to do,” and wanting to be your good girl.

Waiting on the guys to finish their Friday huddle, then I’ve got about 10 of them to get on the road. Pretty sure my brain is already shifting into low power mode with Christmas being next week. Whatever you’re doing today, just do your best.

https://t.co/Aycp08tj1W

i hate how physical touch as a love language gets reduced to sex and kissing when it's more like... handholding, laying your head on their shoulder, putting your legs over their lap, tracing their palm, tucking your feet under their thighs. just touching for touching's sake.

There was a lot of room left in this Christmas tin for more baked goods, if I’m being honest.

I can already hear the narrator of my life in five weeks: “They were NOT okay with the 4 1/8” rough opening depth.”

It would be great if “tired and generally disheveled” could become the next hot look. I’d be a supermodel.

How do we feel about socks in bed if that’s the only thing you’re wearing?

A coworker just told an elaborate story and the only detail I can focus on is that he had a coworker at a different job who used to stop for a $2 blowjob every morning on his way to work. A $2 blowjob. Me: I have so many questions.

Warehouse mode is sticky notes and a protein shake in my hand every morning while the guys do their morning gossiping and check the schedule, then come find me to get the plan for the day.

https://t.co/NnrhdgUNQu

Followed my workout with a nutella/ marshmallow fluff/ peanut butter sandwich. Balance and all that.

Overthinkers don’t want constant reassurance. They want consistent behavior so their brain can stop predicting danger.

Barely slept, but I’m thankful I’ve got some overtired energy. I need to boss hard this week. Whatever you need to do today, kick its ass, sea bass.

“I can fix you.” - me, whispering not to a man, but to the entire collection of dying plants on the discount rack at Lowe’s

My kid wants five guys, so I can’t push my workout like I was considering. Sigh. My ass and hammies already hurt Sunday morning.

https://t.co/L5EgpwZsoD

Bleeding every month is such an inconvenience. Unrelated, I’ve been really into broccoli lately. Even more unrelated, whenever I lick a sharp knife (which I do often), I worry that someone is going to walk up and shove my hand so I stab myself in the throat.