stan denshaw “parody”
@OptometristDan
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(parody)Probably crushing beers. Not affiliated with Dan Crenshaw. Forklift certified.
Phoenix, AZ
Joined June 2020
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Pinned Tweet
For all the Texans who’s power went out just remember the lights are never coming back on for Dan Crenshaw
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9 year old me when I found out the sun will explode in 5 billion years
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“How bout I’ll give ya 2k if it falls out Jack”
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Taylor Swift asking her neighbor for a cup of sugar
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NASA should design a beer that doesn’t spill when I’m going over speed bumps 30MPH
NASA's Coffee cup designed specifically not to spill in zero gravity
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If you think this is incredible you should see me switch to Indian guy voice after my 6th beer
The way he switches he's voice to the girl's voice is incredible
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Tonight in honor of OJ I will be drinking 2000 beers and cutting my wife’s head off
RIP OJ Simpson, most famously known for being the first
@NFL
Running Back to rush for over 2000 yards in a single season.
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Imagine how hard a pirate could rip the hard R
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POV you see me getting in my car and ask how many beers I’ve had
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How I be cheering my buddy on during his field sobriety test
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Taylor Swift going to ask her neighbor for a cup of sugar
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Walk a straight line? Shit check this out officer
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My uncle getting ready for his double shift at the slur factory (family thanksgiving)
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When you have only had 32 beers and you see cherries and berries in the rear view mirror
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Me inspecting my bro’s cock before he goes on a date
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This is how Midwest bachelorette parties march around Nashville
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“You can’t drink beer on your lunch break”
Me
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My gf watching me blow into a tube before driving us home
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8 year old me after my parents found “biggest boobs in the world” in my PSP search history
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During 9th grade Spanish I saw a dude get decapitated on my chrome book
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Divorced men when creed hits the touchtunes
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Watching my older cousin out drink my dad at family Easter
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Calculating how many drinks I’ve had (I’m driving either way)
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POV I offered you a beer and you said “waters fine”
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I’d think about possibly cutting down on my beer drinking for her
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When the cop says you blew two stop lights and reek of beer
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Every fish in Chicago’s river on St. Patty’s day
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Adopting an old police dog only so he/she can help me find cocaine
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The hottest girls of all time be eatin shit like this
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When the cop asks what’s in the Beer can sitting in your cup holder
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Women when they find out your driving home after 37 beers
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I wish beer drinkers had to drink out of unconventional objects… I’d bet a Busch light would rock out of a dog bowl
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If your ever too drunk to walk humans made a thing with 4 wheels and a motor to help
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Liberals would prolly say pronouns or a participation trophy. Not me brother, I’d say an ice cold beer and my wife. Cindy baby please come home
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Yeah I’ll take 20 on pump 3 and a triple Jack and Coke
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Woah woah woah buddy. Before you judge drive a mile at his blood alcohol level
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Podcast host Joe Rogan officially opened the doors to his anti-woke comedy club in Austin, Texas.
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Set of car keys
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Bartender: “you gotta ride pal?”
Me: *feeling keys in my pocket*
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This is wild but I’d like to see a woman drink 48 light beers then get up at 5 AM and build the Golden Gate Bridge
Women are really strong, men will never understand the pain we go through everyday😭.
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If jesus woulda turned water to ice cold beer instead of wine he wouldn’t have died a virgin I can tell you that much
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Gonna shit in this thing and shut the entire block down
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Me if drinking 30 beers a day was bad for your health
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When the passenger princess won’t hand you another ice cold beer
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Me watching my shitty paper straw dissolve to pulp while Elon Musk Takes another private jet ride releasing 40 tons of carbon into the atmosphere
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@deadnameadam
@tinywienerbabe
If a couple million people creampie ballot boxes, something will change
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They have found classified documents (148 empty beers) in the backseat of my car.
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Liquor store ran out of the one light beer I have an unhealthy attachment too
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Making my wife a traditional Irish dish for St. Patrick’s day this year
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Happy Veterans Day! Don’t forget to ask a veteran if they have ever killed anyone
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Me attempting to tell the bartender I’m good to drive
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A nurse and her husband who calls her a bitch at the bar❤️
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I wish Elon would have bought the police. That way I could have free speech on the road (drive drunk)
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Behind the wheel
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How I feel when I turn to my friend and say “im expecting rain down south” and piss myself
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My car looks like this so my planet can look like this
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PSA if Santa asks for a beer say no! Dawgs been at my house for over 24 hours now
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This is how I drive my friend group home from the bar❤️
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*talking to wife on the verge of crying*
Yeah the ah dick sucking factory called they said you haven’t clocked in for 15 years
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When your “friend” has Taylor Swift on their Spotify wrapped
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You know they put him down like Lenny from Mice and Men
Mentally Challenged man wearing a Spider-Man Costume leaves his seat and attacks wrestlers at an indie show😳
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Speak for yourself
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My horny ass could never be around a 24 pack of ice cold beer and a semi functional car
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I’m just like Jesus except my blood is beer and the 9-5 is my cross
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If avatar was real I’d drink 12 beers and drive a whale
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