I’m so passive aggressive that I argue back to my husband mostly through my act. One day he’ll watch it and he’ll find out the truth of what’s going on.

I went to my home town of Calgary and had to wedge in a show!

I love it when audience members sit in the front and during our interaction admit the truth! Like this guy who tried to frame his situation as “complicated” but it was not, it was just cheating!

This is a joke I started working on a while ago, with the hope it would feel irrelevant to tell, but instead, I think I should do a rewrite to make it HARSHER.

Like to call my July comedy tour - ISLANDS ONLY!

Sexism even bled into my cocktail, or rather lack of a cocktail. I like it neat because I want to make things messy.

Thinking back before I had a kid and wondering why I waited so long… or yes! I do remember!.Also anyone childless that says they hate kids, I believe them but also isn’t that a little theoretical? You gotta have ‘em to know what it is to hate ‘em.

I was lucky enough to do 2 Nantucket trips this summer - both for fun festivals - this from @nantucketcomedy - 3 nights of great shows!

Moms on mushrooms? Trending. Meth moms? Not so much. Just another wholesome moment at your toddler’s music class.

I will stand by that the most annoying quality in a very good looking person is that they know they are good looking. Insecure and Attractive? That is Magic!

Let the Music Play, my friends!. #affirmationdecor #ophirasaysfu

Is the key to a good relationship never going to bed angry? NOPE. The key is having the same unresolved argument over and over and over again. Once a winner is declared - you get a divorce.

The broken foot has made me a lot more empathetic towards anyone hobbling around NY and I also found out who I am in a wheelchair, and I’m an as**ole. Now I get it.

The best part of my June was seeing films and hosting some amazing shows and panels at @NantucketFilmF…

Just out here trying to advocate for affordable childcare and structures set up to help parents. Otherwise, we will just need to do whatever we can to stay sane.

Funny how everyone wants the friend they used to call boring. Oh, now you want to know where the Tim Horton’s is? Get ready to say “sorry.”

One of the most amazing open air theaters I’ve seen, let alone performed in, @colo_chautauqua - it was huge yet wildly intimate. The architecture is one of a kind, and so was the show within it. I had the honor of hosting @TheMoth there!

In the subway food chain, I’m below the guy with a pet raccoon and the woman singing opera to her pigeon. Therefore, no seat for me.

To doctors, it seems the scariest woman on the planet to treat is one with pink eye, a broken foot, and a missed period! I hope they ask me well into my 70s.

A day of 3 Notes…