Onion My Life
@OnionMyLife
Followers
3
Following
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Media
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Statuses
39
Local humans who just can't even. We are not associated with The Onion.
Joined April 2016
Woman Vows to Consume Favorite Snack For The Rest Of Life, Made Same Vow About Different Snack Last Month
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Local Man's Opinions About Lifting Gloves Turn Darker and More Menacing Than Ever Before.
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Woman Carefully Chooses Hairstyle to Match Lifestyle, Opts for Total Clusterfuck
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Jane, 37, immediately apologizes for saying “cool phone” when shown picture of friend’s toddler.
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Area teen forgets to disable caps lock, in jeopardy of grounding for perceived yelling at mother via iMessage. *Stay tuned for updates*
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Ex-yogi chooses to no longer live a #vegetarian lifestyle for ethical reasons.
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Area Seattleite finds stress in implied obligation to be out in the sun.
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After twenty-something years, man finally embraces germaphobic tendencies while riding #seattlemetro's E-Line
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"Bartenders Definitely Pour Bigger Shots Than They Used To” Contends Local Woman Rapidly Leaving Early 20’s Behind
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No Point In Visiting Doctor for 5th Concussion, Or Is This One the 6th?
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"Molly Not Even That Bad For You,” Argues Your Brain On Drugs
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Local designer throws in towel, lifts personal vendetta against businesses that use papyrus.
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Area Introvert Feeling Less Outgoing Than Usual, Considers 11:30am Beer
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Local Woman Convinced New Sunglasses are Key to Man’s Heart, Not Personality or Having Things in Common
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Update: Pee Incident Referenced Several Times During High School Graduation Speech
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Local 2nd Grader Pees His Pants During Recess, Classmates Will Never Forget
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Local Design Team Gleefully Dreams of Switching up Personal Project Color Scheme on Daily Basis
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Subaru Connoisseur Convinced 3rd Hillary Bumper Sticker Will Be Thing That Propels Her to the Top Once & For All
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