Ralph Jones
@OhHiRalphJones
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Comedy, journalism and books - sometimes all at once. Writing a book about the microphone. Oh, also @The_Awkward_S and @criminalimprov .
Oxford
Joined December 2011
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📢NEWS 📢
Worked for years with
@The_Awkward_S
(and
@ruthbratt
,
@SueHarrison123
,
@AdamLavis
,
@RobertoHats
and
@edshots
) on a series about an enigmatic trillionaire called Tony Milch. THE WHOLE THING IS ONLINE NOW.
0
1
7
I'm not slagging off Press Gazette in particular but, five months after I published this piece about whether freelance journalism is becoming unviable, I haven't been paid the £250 commission fee.
27
444
3K
Katy Perry's 'Never Really Over' is a testament to the incredible flexibility of the English language. The word 'over' is used to mean four different things. Send tweet.
11
262
888
Oh MY. I had the pleasure of interviewing
@BenSPLATT
, the lead in new Netflix show The Politician. Run a bath and read it.
2
40
687
This week's
@ShortList
: I spoke to THE Mads Mikkelsen about killing people with his bare hands & whether or not Benedict Cumberbatch stinks.
15
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399
What's the word for someone who loves Harry Styles? A Stylee? Anyway I am now a Stylee.
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292
@darrenrichman
@WelshSocialism
Incredibly strong Peter Cook undertones here. Remarkable scenes.
5
0
273
Editors: pitches should be exclusive to us, mention pieces of ours you've enjoyed, tell the story but not spoil the story, ask questions but have the answers (though not too many answers), and be 100-150 words long. No, we're not going to REPLY! But that's how they should look.
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271
@samparkercouk
Exactly; the perfect detail that elevates it (sorry) from your typical show, which would let him have a luxurious dramatic space to contemplate it all.
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Aspiring freelancers, in case you're wondering (and the above hasn't put you off completely): some of the places that pay wonderfully promptly are The Guardian, The Telegraph, NME, The Sunday Times, Vera, Inverse.
7
9
211
Can't tell you how affected I've been by the idea that
@TheRock
might not write his own tweets.
Ha entertaining read. This is WEEK 2 of what’s supposed to be a 52 WEEK weekly review of my life. You sure you wanna do this my friends at
@ShortList
? I’m a busy, loving, laughing, happy, intense and complicated bunny. Not sure that’s newsworthy 🤷🏾♂️🐰
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1K
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5
188
My wife and I are having a baby girl, due in July. So that's nice, isn't it!
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169
HMRC's Loan Charge policy is a controversial mess that has driven people to suicide. I spoke to people affected about its catastrophic impact.
#LoanChargeSuicides
#LoanChargeScandal
#LoanCharge
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148
Incidentally, in my experience, if you share this stuff publicly, you do get paid more promptly. I've done it before with one publication. Have I written for them again? No-o-o. Great stuff!
3
3
132
Now that America's woken up - hi America - here's my
@ShortList
interview with
@SarahKSilverman
about endings and new beginnings.
9
16
110
I think - I can't be certain - but I think that Rupert Myers has artificially enlarged his eyes in his Twitter photo to look less bizarre.
9
16
106
Oh HELLO. The Guardian sent me to Sweden to report on the GeoGuessr World Cup, where people can identify locations to within three metres based on a single Google Street View photo.
3
23
121
I could have written 50,000 words on this. For this weekend's
@guardian
I went to the World Stone Skimming Championships on a tiny island off the west coast of Scotland. I found rivalries, tensions, and legends. An absolute dream.
3
17
113
For the past month I've included the words "I love you" in every single reply to a PR email.
http://t.co/msTJwxQNZW
http://t.co/JQiK8LBAmU
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108
Completely in love with my newborn daughter, TO BE QUITE HONEST WITH YOU!
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111
I don't think writers should be ashamed to publicly call out publications when they don't pay them. So hi
@thegentsjournal
; you haven't paid me £270 for this piece that I wrote JUNE. Stop messing me and other writers around.
5
5
89
The two-minute train chase at the end of The Wrong Trousers is the greatest chase sequence in cinema. For
@inversedotcom
I spoke to the brilliant minds behind it.
4
30
90
Magical piece by
@GaryLineker
about Leicester City's surreal & improbable ascent to the top of the League.
Nothing compares to this truly magical title charge by my Leicester City | Gary Lineker via
@guardian_sport
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468
2
30
84
I'm proud to say that my final
@ShortList
cover is an interview with
@joelycett
. The piece includes the phrase 'lovely succulent moist turkey'. Out tonight. (Reindeer head wrapped with exquisite skill by
@AliceMarion_
.) 📸 -
@jaybrooksphoto
3
1
78
For three years of my life, ShortList has been the most exhilarating place to work. It's been an honour to have had the opportunity to do so many wonderful things with so many brilliant, brilliant people.
13
3
75
Not going to lie: this...was...fun.
I fell under the spell of
@munyachawawa
and profiled him for this week's cover of Time Out.
Well I’ll be damned, the cover of Time Out magazine. 🚀🤯
Deffo flashing this at the bus driver when my Oyster declines today.
Thank you
@TimeOutLondon
&
@OhHiRalphJones
for the lovely piece 🙏🏽❤️
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1
8
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This Catholic homophobe can feel her worldview gradually becoming obsolete and, in her fury, says that celebrating homosexual penguin behaviour is like celebrating emus being Catholic. Sort of funny, sort of embarrassing.
3
5
62
Big Brother changed the world. 20 years after its debut, I spoke to producers, winners & academics for this
@EsquireUK
longread about how it rose and fell.
@katelawler
@briandofficial
@marcusBBbentley
@ErnestMathijs
@craigbigbro1
@marktjames19
#longread
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My chat with Mads Mikkelsen is now on the cyber web. We spoke about murder and Benedict Cumberbatch's aroma.
1
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A while ago, I interviewed a bunch of people who spend a lot of time drawing Benedict Cumberbatch. For no reason at all, let's revisit it.
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"We want to leave the Labour Party because it is institutionally racist."
"How would you describe people in non-white communities?"
"I think I'd say, 'Black or a funny tinge'."
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This guy's name is Phileo Huff. Stay well away from him.
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Hello. This is by far the most personal thing I have ever written.
5
9
59
In my first article for
@Mic
I spoke to everyone who worked on Chicken Run, a preposterous work of collective genius.
#ChickenRun
0
8
51
Being part of
@richardpbacon
's phenomenally engrossing show This Is My House was the highlight of my year. You can watch me here, on BBC 1, improvising my socks off and saying things like 'Breathless Pistachio'.
#thisismyhouse
#breathlesspistachio
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@KingoLiberty
@darrenrichman
@WelshSocialism
Staged but very good acting. A wonderful kind of realism.
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Because I love him, I've written 'The 15 stages of sex, as told by Mr Benedict Cumberbatch.'
http://t.co/xFrhEt5udc
http://t.co/IlewkwVSpk
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FREELANCERS! I'm writing a piece about how employers can better treat us - what they do wrong, what they overlook, what drives us mad. Please contribute and share this so that other freelancers can get involved &, ideally, improve things. My ears are open.
#freelance
#freelancers
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Freelance journalists, this bears repeating: do not for a second worry about pitching to multiple places at the same time. Any editor that expects you to pitch exclusively to them is being unnnnnNnnnrealistic.
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Yes, absolutely correct. Let me interview Mads Mikkelsen at least twice a week.
Let this guy interview Mads more often, please. Insightful and funny content, exactly like the man 💖
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47
While the blonde berk is in the news, here's a reminder that recently I asked
@Aiannucci
what a Boris Johnson dictatorship would look like.
3
17
48
In solidarity with
@iainlee
I wrote for The Telegraph about my favourite subject - good old Christian bigots.
8
47
47
For
@inversedotcom
I spoke to Joseph Quinn, who's brilliant in the new Stranger Things. Charlie Heaton called him half-way through.
1
6
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To lift the lid on something for a second: before it was published, this pitch was rejected or ignored by the New Yorker, the New York Times, GQ, The Atlantic, Wired US, The Atlantic, Jezebel, The Guardian, New York Magazine, and Vice. Keep going, is my point.
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I also had a wag of the chins with
@russelltovey
, who prescribed various dog breeds for various dog needs.
1
3
45
Oh no. Not him!!!
11
0
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Excited to report I will henceforth be living life as a liquid, for I have melted.
4
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Soon I'm publishing a piece about the people who draw Benedict Cumberbatch works of art and fuck me they're incredibly talented.
8
17
42
"John, you can't have pigeons in the scene."
A JOY to work on this
@inversedotcom
oral history of Face/Off, a truly unhinged and unbeatable film.
0
7
41
Copies of How To Skim A Stone, MY FIRST BOOK, have just arrived. O.M., and I cannot stress this enough, G. I am 500 feet over the moon. Here I demonstrate how to skim the book - ha ha! Just a bit of fun.
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It's not Kate Middleton photo levels of exciting but - signed an option for a TV sketch show the other day with
@The_Awkward_S
. Pretty goddamn chuffed.
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41
@edcumming
"in particular". They're not doing anything very different to plenty of other places.
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Have you been affected HMRC's Loan Charge? Talk to me for a piece. DMs open.
#LoanCharge
#LoanChargeReview
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The demise of sub-editors is such a sad and silent loss to journalism. I know how to write. When I file pieces, however, editors often introduce linguistic errors all by themselves (and don't send copy back - just publish). Both the publication and the writer look crap. Great!
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1
38
This week's
@ShortList
boasts a feature I'm dead proud of. I asked
@ameliargh
,
@tristandross
,
@chris_mandle
,
@thebobpalmer
,
@DanMasoliver
and
@alextchristian
(a) what their worst nightmare was, then (b) to speak to people who have survived it.
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I went deep on The Great Pasta Hut Mystery.
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I am 31 today, boys and girls. Look on my tower of doughnuts, ye Twitter, and despair.
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For ShortList I flew to LA to report on Amazon's charmingly old-school cop show 'Bosch'. Now take my badge. I QUIT.
0
9
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10 years ago I struggled to look at myself in the mirror. This week, I feel very lucky to have been able to write the
@ShortList
cover story, speaking to men with similar problems. You don't know what's going on in other people's heads until they tell you.
2
8
32
Ah yes. Remember when I convinced
@joeldommett
,
@rachelparris
and
@andrewhunterm
each to put a terrible joke into their Edinburgh preview?
1
2
34
"People aren’t honest about this sort of thing often enough." Fucking shining
@cox_tom
piece on writing & journalism.
http://t.co/9D3a0nKFpo
0
9
30
Dead chuffed to have been asked to profile Charlie Heaton for
@BritishGQ
's Hype cover. We threw pottery together. Doesn't matter who was 'better'. I spoke to him about Stranger Things, fitting in, and knees.
2
5
32
Everyone...say hello to Dali, a true - and I cannot stress this enough - legend.
3
2
33
"The fungus was a whole other character in itself."
"The idea was that I would take the snake home, have it on my vast bed."
"What came out was odd."
Just SOME of the quotes from my new
@inversedotcom
oral history of 1993's Super Mario Bros. Enjoy!
0
9
31
🤟A huge one for me. For Notting Hill's 20th anniversary I interviewed the stars, the director, and the editor of Horse & Hound about how the film came together. 🤟
0
3
32
My first piece for
@WiredUK
is about how hard it is to date as a flat Earther. I'd love you to read it.
2
5
32
Huge if it's true: a second baby has crashed its beautiful (if slightly stressful) way into our world.
5
0
29
OK, today is my first day post-
@ShortList
and I'm looking to go freelance. If you've enjoyed my work over the years - maybe consider commissioning me. I write journalism, I write comedy, and I am best friends with
@TheRock
. Here's some of my work:
0
12
29
Oh dear Lord, the thrill of seeing a magazine turn your feature into something beautiful. I am beaming at how gorgeous this looks.
You likely don’t know 'Bug Man' Steven Kutcher – but you’ve almost certainly seen his creepy crawlies. Empire meets the man responsible for furnishing films with freaky creatures for decades. Words
@OhHiRalphJones
. Photos
@ShayanAsgharnia
.
ORDER A COPY:
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Speaking to Jason Isaacs (
@jasonsfolly
) is always a delight. Here he tells me and
@BritishGQ
about drugs, playing tennis till your knees pop, and trying to look beautiful.
1
3
30
PR to me: Would you like to interview this celebrity?
Me to PR: I'd love to.
Me to editor: Would you like to run an interview with this celebrity?
Editor to me: We'd love to.
Me to PR: They'd love to.
PR to me: They're not available.
Me: Great stuff.
0
0
30
Thought the Hare Krishnas were just happy orange monks? You might want to think again. My
@ShortList
investigation:
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16
30
The other thing I'm excited to tell you all today is that I'm writing a book! Called 'How To Skim A Stone', it will be a loving look at the meditative, competitive art of stone skimming - published this autumn by
@QuercusBooks
.
9
1
30
In month 1 of freelancing I've written dialogue for Liam Neeson in collaboration with StudioCanal; reported on chemsex, smoking lobby groups & Jordan Peterson; & spoken to people in a cult-like Facebook group for people who drink their own piss.
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Damian Lewis always looks like someone who's just accepted the challenge to track down a mischievous gnome.
1
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Oh...oh hello. Tomorrow I'm doing my first day as a commissioned comedy writer on a Radio 4 show.
3
0
28
Well, if it isn't my first story for
@WiredUK
. In 2019 I discovered a website called Flat Earth Singles. It got me thinking: when you believe the world is flat, how on Earth do you find love?
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"We believe in the truths of holy books that are stupid and so fabricated that a child can see through them." - Christopher Hitchens
0
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My first
@VICEUK
piece in a long time: I spent a month in a Facebook group for people who drink their own piss.
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@sunny_hundal
Pretty definitely not meant to be taken as face value, given the magazine's history and views.
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