Chet
@NoCapCapitalLLC
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I still hold two league hockey records: most time spent in the penalty box, and I was the only guy to ever take off his skates and try to stab somebody
Joined June 2020
Just learned about how Chicago sold the rights to all of its parking meter revenue to the UAE for $1.1B in 2008. The city is currently collecting ~$150M/yr (and growing) in parking meter fees and then sends it straight to Dubai. Until 2083. What the fuck.
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Just found out California spends $30B a year on benefits for illegal immigrants and just $3B a year on fire prevention. Lmao.
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When you add nothing but “thank you” to the end of an hour long call
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This guy at the bar last night told me he works at Goldman Sachs and when I told him I’ve never heard of it he started acting like I just pushed his grandma down the stairs.
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When she asks “what’s my name?” after a few drinks and the moment is too big for you
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Instagram has made it way more common for older men to turn younger girls who are easily impressed by money into escorts. Extremely common phenomenon happening in New York right now. Ex used to get dms from older men like this all the time.
Guys out here doing all this for ran thru puss. Hoeflation is getting out of control
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If anyone is feeling sad, lonely, depressed or anything… I just want you to know I am feeling none of those things right now
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At this hotel bar convincing an older guy that Docusign has 300,000 employees that manually print and scan every single document due to federal regulations.
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Damn that’s crazy. Must have been the same guy I met last year
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At a hotel bar convincing this older couple that Docusign has 300,000 employees that manually print, sign, and scan every single document and this has all been secretly funded by USAID for years.
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Homeless people that scream at people in passing and live in squalor (mentally and physically) should be placed in mental institutions against their own will. I’m done pretending it’s normal and ethical to have these people wandering around. Back to the psych ward lil bro.
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They are arguing about their golf scores. White boy summer is so back.
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If anyone is feeling sad, lonely, or depressed, I just want you to know I am feeling none of those things right now
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One of the partners at my firm doesn’t have Powerpoint installed on his office computer
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A friend just told me he completely cut drinking out of his weekends. I asked him how he has been spending the additional free time… “Pickleball” he said. Buddy, get back to drinking.
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@And_Man_Ent @VillageWest14 She’s setting herself up to make a snap judgment with no room for the nuances that come with getting to know someone. There’s a good chance this mentality will bleed into other aspects of her life. Not good.
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Bulge bracket banking this, megafund that… My brother in Christ, Steam does $19M in revenue per employee, average salary is ~$1M, and it’s 6x more profitable than Citadel.
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“Did he just stay out until 3am and still kill his morning work calls?”
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100 hour work weeks are ridiculous. After 75-80 hours, you’re not working anymore… you’re just staring at a screen pretending to be functional. At that point your body is falling apart, your brain is fried, and real productivity left the building days ago. Completely absurd
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Imagine being an analyst on the Greenland deal. “Yeah man sorry I can’t make it this weekend I have to finish building a valuation model for Greenland”.
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How it feels working remote on the opposite coast when half the company is OOO
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No arguments about golf scores in this one… white boy summer is officially over.
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First date idea: I accidentally like one of your IG posts from 2016 10 minutes before we meet.
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Dming an egirl with under 100 followers is like buying nvidia in 2018.
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If anyone is feeling sad, lonely, or depressed, I just want you to know I’m feeling none of those things right now
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Bro definitely saw her dilated pupils and thought she was game
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So Luigi Mangione—a 26yo Penn grad, top of his class—wasn’t smart enough to ditch the evidence and consistently hide his face after committing a murder in broad daylight Manhattan?. A non target would never do this. Too busy keeping their head down grinding. Too much common sense.
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Ex gf reached out to let me know she’s hanging out with a Canadian on the 4th. A new low
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Valentines day will have girls you haven’t spoken to in 4 years hitting you up
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When people ask me what I like to do in my free time I just send them this pic
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It's 1pm on a Sunday in 2019 and you just woke up in 2 bed flexed to 4 in Murray Hill. Hungover, phone dead, you step outside. As you cross the street to the bodega to get a bacon egg and cheese, you take a deep breath and think "life doesn't get any better than this.”.
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People are ripping on this video like they haven’t at least once engaged in nonsensical business planning while absolutely sauced at 3am.
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“Bro it’s a Wednesday. You brought a bag to happy hour on a Wednesday?”. Bro:
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Pulled up to the fedex store asking the employees if they could package and ship my 49 inch curved monitor and they looked at me like I was holding a loaded gun
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Told this Penn girl I matched with on Hinge I want to commit mass genocide to her body. I was hoping she’d reply “it depends on the context” but she just unmatched immediately.
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Not a big crypto guy but if someone dropped Zyncoin I’d cave.
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Starting a new job in PE tomorrow. Anyone have good first day advice?.
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@stefanoscalia Cheap labor is good? riveting insight here. I actually don’t think putting downward pressure on rural labor markets via millions of illegal immigrants is a good thing economically.
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Uber execs watching people willingly pay $110 for an uber from jfk to manhattan
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Dudes who consistently heart react Teams messages should be released with the women and children in hostage situations.
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The guiding principle of comparative advantage in free trade was supposed to mean Portugal makes wine and England makes cloth… Not Nike hires 450,000 people in Vietnam because they’ll work for $1/hour.
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The outfit she wears when she says she’s spending a “girls weekend” in the Hamptons
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Drinking might be the most overrated activity to do on a consistent basis. It completely wrecks my sleep and I have noticeable hangxiety the next morning. I’m starting to appreciate sober weekends more. Am I getting old and lame?.
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My MD thinks I don’t work enough, my ex complained I never spent enough time with her, and my therapist thinks I need to take more time to focus on myself. Trifecta.
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Some of his old tweets belong in the Louvre.
The Coca Cola company is not happy with me--that's okay, I'll still keep drinking that garbage.
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The people who didn’t participate in ‘blackout wednesday’ waking up this morning
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When you sell your company for 9 figures and buy it all back for $0
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@MercuriusFilius You tell them you will shoot the first person who tries to escape. Certainty of death for the first escaper creates a non-zero possibility of surviving for the first person that tries, ensuring none of them will.
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Phoenix is hilarious. No pretentiousness. Everyone is just indifferent to their low IQ. I think it’s amazing:
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When you wake up next to hannah from marketing after the company holiday party
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My MBA associate reffed the model at the hamptons and now my MD got a table at the surf lodge to chew out my VP for using excel with a mouse 😂😂.
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Currently at the “I’m never drinking again” stage of the cycle.
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When you’re on a date and she asks for your opinion on the Israel Palestine conflict
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The Icahn mobster speak is electric “Big book, boom boom boom, I’m not gonna read the book. gave him a quarter a million,. screw it. I call joe he comes over. I fired the entire 12 floors. ”
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Politics aside, this photo is incredibly hard.
1987 with my boys. This Super Bowl Sunday, I hope you can take part in the age-old American traditions of eating great food, gathering with great friends, and watching a great game.
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When you add nothing but “thank you” to the end of an hour long call
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The people who didn’t drink on new years eve waking up this morning
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