Redheads have more fun
@Nicebutcrazyred
Followers
27,689
Following
3,073
Media
2,315
Statuses
35,794
Big fan of tequila, laughter and sleep. Bi wife to one amazing husband. Living life one day at a time. Olympic eyeroller. 🙄 Don't be an asshole.😈😘🌈
In your dreams
Joined March 2009
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Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
Show me a picture that makes you happy 💖💖💖
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I'm going to take my emotional support ibuprofen now.
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I'm bored. I'm about to make that everyone else's problem.
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I just had three repairmen in my house at the same time and all I have to say is porn has misled me my entire life.
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Slap a bow on each boob and tell him you're the present.
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Being a woman in your 50's is wanting the wildest sex of your life, while simultaneously wanting to smack most people in the face.
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Welcome to "my nipples could cut glass" season.
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I just sucked the juice out of the tip of this popsicle if you're looking for someone with that skill set.
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Me after work: I cannot wait to take this bra off!!
Gas station attendant: Ma'am put your shirt back on.
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Unless fucks are suddenly being sold on Amazon...I'm all out.
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Marriage is essentially a contest to see how long the horniest person in the world can stay married to the person who hates sex entirely.
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I'd like to be the reason your beard is wet.
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Guys...think of someone here who is strictly a platonic female friend. No sexual conversations ever. One day she offers to show you her boobs. Do you say yes or no?
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Sending him nudes when he doesn't feel well will make him feel better...antiboobotics.
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Time spent masturbating: 5 minutes
Time spent finding the perfect porn clip to masturbate to: 30 goddamn minutes
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I just don't understand thongs. I mean if I'm going to have something in my ass, it's not going to be underwear.
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I found a $20 bill in the laundry while I was folding it. Is it mine to keep as the finder?
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I'd rather have boobs that sag a bit than balls that will eventually hit the toilet water.
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Let me take off my bra and you can tell me all about your day.
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If she wiggles her butt while you're spooning, she's not just readjusting.
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Don't worry about why my coconut oil is in the bedroom and not in the kitchen. If you know, you know.
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I'm the only person in my office today. This reminds me of a show I saw on TV once. Ok it was Pornhub, don't judge.
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I'm not afraid to get dirty...as long as you're willing to help clean me up.
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Self love is important. Self love that ends in orgasm is essential.
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Do I need to be on the naughty or nice list for you to empty your sack?
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Why waste time with talking when dropping to my knees speaks volumes?
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Be a gentleman. Cum quickly so she doesn't get lockjaw.
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Have you ever met someone you almost instantly wanna lick?
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Welcome to Twitter, an e-fuck buddy will be assigned to you shortly.
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Coworker: "You smell really good."
Me: "You should taste me."
CW:
...I need to get off Twitter.
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If I want your opinion, I'll get off your face and ask you for it.
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The word fuck is like a seasoning...it makes everything better.
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I feed my dog scraps from the table because he's more grateful than anyone I actually cooked for in the first place.
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Be kind. Why is that so fucking difficult?
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Swallowing is less about being sexy and more about having less to clean up.
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If you don't have anything nice to say....get over here and speak up so I can hear you.
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I have a crush on you. It'll pass, don't get excited.
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I'm feeling like I should spend some time on my knees today.
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Oh good, I see nobody cleaned the cesspool while I was away.
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If you don't like to see nudity in the fleets, don't fucking look at them.
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Changed behavior will always be sexier than saying I'm sorry.
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Food, booze and butt stuff. It's not complicated.
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If she doesn't use your dick as a microphone, is she even really into you?
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Migraines are bullshit. That's it, that's the tweet.
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Have you ever been so crabby you piss yourself off?
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Only on Twitter will you see a cute doggie pic, a recipe for squash soup and a butt plug insertion all in the same scroll.
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I'm on this app way too much for someone who dislikes people in general.
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I need to sit down. Is this face available?
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Women who wear bras while you're at home just chillin'...who hurt you?
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Fuck I've never wanted to taste someone so badly.
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My apologies to anyone who followed me because you liked a tweet of mine. The next one is gonna suck.
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If we can't have a conversation in gifs, we can't be friends.
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I need some cuddle time that turns aggressive.
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I just took off my bra from under a tshirt, a sweatshirt and a jacket. Bring on the talent portion of this shit show, I'm ready.
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Have you ever been in such a bad mood you actually annoy yourself?
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Looking for a wine that will pair well with my never ending anxiety.
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My lotion hit me in the eye this morning. Thought of you.
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Guys who don't smack their partner's ass every time they walk by it...get your shit together.
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There's one guaranteed way to shut me up. You guess what it is and we both win.
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My son bought me coffee this morning. I'm both blessed and a tad scared.
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Even a 3 minute convo can be a mood booster with the right person.
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This argument would go much faster if we were both naked.
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I like my coffee like I like my men...sweet, hot and down my throat.
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I just blew on a spoonful of ice cream before I ate it...if that's the kind of genius you're looking for.
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My husband said I'm on Twitter too much and I'm not paying him enough attention...at least that's what I think he said.
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31 years of wedded bliss today. Fingers crossed that he got me a girlfriend 😏
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What happens during strip poker if everyone is naked but the game isn't over?
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If I text you and you call me back, what the fuck is wrong with you?
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I was walking behind a very attractive woman yesterday and my eyes immediately went to her butt. I get it guys, I get it.
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You never had to dodge a flying lawn dart and it shows.
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Watch him lick an ice cream cone and then make your decision.
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I'm tell your mother you're some place you're not but she can't verify it years old.
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I want more boobs in my dm's. Who should I speak to?
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The longer you're married, the louder he chews his food. It's science.
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I've been diagnosed with an oral fixation.
-Me, flirting.
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Chances are very good that you could not find a more unmotivated individual today than me.
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Welcome to your 50's. You have a favorite coffee cup now.
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