Nick Buy My Book Mamatas 🤼♂️🏴🧭
@NMamatas
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When I was a kid, my teachers told me, "Don't become a writer, Nick. You won't make a dime!"
Well, I'm here to say, "OH YEAH?!"
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Marie Kondo was more heavily criticized after the debut of her Netflix show than Ted Bundy was after the debut of his.
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Man, that Dune trailer was so great I felt like I was the one walking through a desolate landscape, wearing a mask to stay alive, while political machinations that threaten the planet are at work in the background of my life.
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Former bookseller here who dealt with many local authors for both events and consignment. Do not start with "local author" because 90% of "local authors" are the worst kind of kook.
"I have a memoir out from The Ohio State University Press" is a much stronger opener.
I just went into a bookstore, bought a book, then asked “hey I’m a local author, would you be interested in carrying my book?” and the way she brushed me off SO QUICK, asked no questions, wouldn’t even make eye contact with me 😭😭
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There are two reasons the Parkland kids are receiving more positive regard than BLM. The first and most prominent is simple racism. The second is that BLM offers a direct critique of state monopoly on violence while Parkland appeals to the state to help stop private violence.
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You know, during the Cold War teachers would tell kids that the difference between the USA and the USSR is that in the USA you can badmouth the government and you wouldn't be dragged away in the night by the secret police.
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And that's the story of how Billy Bush saved the world from nuclear Armageddon.
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A lot of people who are neither copyright lawyers nor authors are talking about "fair use", so as a non-lawyer who has worked in publishing for twenty years, here is what fair use is:
You and the one you're arguing with go to the courthouse and spend all your money finding out.
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"Local authors" are often religious kooks, self-published authors with no idea how books should be discounted, with covers made by some relative who has never seen a book before, with trim sizes and prices dictated by holy angels instead of the marketplace etc etc.
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Morpheus, the Lord of Dreams, Sandman, standing on the precipice as the fires of hell roar from the depths of the chasm at his feet.
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Creator: here are some charcte--
Fans: MAKE THEM FUCK
Creator: Well, I'll
Fans: DO IT
Creator: I--
Fans: DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT
Creator: ...
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Hello, I'm a novelist in a movie. I'm wearing an ironed shirt and my agent is taking me to lunch so we can talk about my personal problems. Later, I'll throw a manuscript in a fire place. A printed-out one, not my whole hard drive or anything. I actually *have* a fireplace.
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People who are upset about the fellow who is cutting his books in half are really going to get hysterical when they find out what happens to books that don't sell in stores.
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The reason to be in favor of a student loan debt jubilee is that tens of millions of people will otherwise not buy houses or start families and the economy will stagnate and collapse.
If you don't want the economy to stagnate and then collapse, then support a jubilee.
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Other things "local authors" do:
reverse-shoplift by installing their book on the shelves
special order and then charge back on a non-returnable book
claim special political or religious oppression on social media
hang around outside the store trying to hand-sell to customers
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And then come in every week to ask why their book is on a shelf instead of right in front of the store, and shouldn't there be a big sign highlighting the book too?
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Then there are the "good ones" who get stocked and even an event who:
tell everyone who comes to review the book on Amazon
yell at the staff for poorly-attended event (regardless of attendance)
try to sign every unsold copy in the obsolete belief that they cannot be returned
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And whatever dumb idea you have in your head doesn't matter. "It's parody!" Is it? Let's spend six months asking twelve idiots what they think.
"It's only a small part!" Well, how small is small? A judge who only listens to music via his Victrola shall decide.
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To be utterly fair, there was NEVER a reason for NaNoWriMo to be built up into an NGO with moderators and sponsors and people making decisions. It's just an idea, like democracy or No Nut November.
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Just got a message from a trans friend asking, "Is he a good wrestler?" and I got to tell him, "He's the best wrestler."
I can’t wait to go on a blocking spree later to find all the people who disagree
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1 like = one bit of publishing advice you're not going to like
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@esthermirirose
@MinovskyArticle
DO YOU FIND CONTENT STIMULATING? WHAT CONTENT STIMULATES YOU, FELLOW HUMAN?
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The most successful people I've met:
1. Have well-connected parents
2. Who are also wealthy
3. And work in a related field
4. But have a different surname
5. Which allowed my successful acquaintances to "come out of nowhere"
6. Because that's a feature hook
7. Easily arranged
The most successful people I've met:
1. Read constantly
2. Workout daily
3. Are innately curious
4. Have laser focus
5. Believe in themselves
6. Build incredible teams
7. Admit they know very little
8. Constantly work to improve
9. Demand excellence in everything they do
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In eighteen months we'll hear "news" stories about how grasping public libraries made too many demands and destroyed Overdrive, followed by calls to defund public libraries.
One of the world's largest private equity firms just bought one of the world's largest library ebook companies
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I just think that when you win the Oscar for Adapted Screenplay, you should thank the original novelist in your speech.
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Look, a black James Bond would just shatter my suspension of disbelief in a story about a terrorist group building rockets in a dormant volcano to commit space hijackings, with a B-plot about a ninja training camp.
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Many many people are very happy that police across the US are heavily armed and don't want that to change, even if they have some abstract concern about racism or innocent people being shot.
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#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
Wealthy woman exploits proletarian for her own benefit, not stopping until he is dead.
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To be fair, "Will people create art under socialism?" and "Will people work together to make my giant piece of shit movie instead of doing whatever under socialism?" are two different questions.
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Remember the real goal isn't to write for a living, it's to write something with such a cult following that you drop out of sight and live anonymously in a cold bedsit in a mediocre neighborhood of a dying city and occasionally answer letters from fans by sending back a tooth.
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I used to tell a joke about the Delphic Oracle's prophecy—it was funny because it was true.
I used to tell a joke about Orpheus and Eurydice, but looking back, it was not a great idea
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Here's a crazy idea: let the migrants in. There's actually plenty of room.
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He gets to because his employees work 12-14 hour days.
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos likes going to bed early. Here's the strategic reason why
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20. The best way to find the last few copy errors in your manuscript is to sell the book, have it go through the publishing process, and when the box of finished author copies come to your house open it, retrieve a copy, and flip to a random page.
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The choice isn't between keeping schools closed, or opening them. The choice is between keeping schools closed, or closing them a second time about six weeks after they open.
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"How would you like it if it was your store, or your car?"
I don't have a store, or a car.
I got a neck though.
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The condition for debating Ben Shapiro should be that he wears a puppy shock collar that zaps him every time he makes a false claim, issues a gratuitous insult, or commits a logical fallacy.
We can unplug Arizona from the Hoover Dam for an hour to meet his electrical needs.
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PLEASE BUY OUR POPTARTS AND STOP BOYCOTTING US WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF MONEY TO BUY IMPORTED TILE FOR THE SWIMMING POOLS WE'VE INSTALLED ON OUR PRIVATE JETS
@_NevadaMan
Our data show that consumers routinely focus on the visual of the Pop-Tarts brand name, so we simplified the package design by removing "Kellogg's".
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Two thousand people have decided to have little idiot baby meltdowns over this perfectly straightforward tweet.
My spoiler-free review of DUNE:
That was the single most humorless movie I have ever seen. There is one joke, delivered by Jason Momoa, in the first ten minutes. Cherish it. There will not be another.
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Things I must explain to workshop students very often:
1. Those song lyrics may be very expensive to reproduce in your story, and ninety percent of readers won't hear the tune in their heads when they read.
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I'm just saying that whenever you go to a bookstore and don't walk out with an armload of books, you're enabling murder.
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Those who think there is no money for publishers in public domain titles have, never heard of Penguin Classics, or been to either a public school or college, or walked into a bookstore and seen a rack of Dover Thrift editions or a bunch of faux-fancy Barnes & Noble editions...
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People who think that limiting copyright to thirty years will make books cheaper because publishers will of course lower prices should check out the prices of blank books and journals.
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I use a website that connects writers—mostly people who wish to self-publish their work, rather than people who aspire to commercial publication—with editors.
I get many requests, then the offer I make is almost inevitably turned down, because my offer is to actually edit.
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"What am I supposed to do, get my own printing press?!"
Yeah, you fucking idiot, you are.
"And my own Internet?!"
Yes, like a BBS.
"But how am I supposed to get a million dollars for being punched out by an Antifa grad student that way?"
You're not.
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17. Most people in publishing are pretty terrible, but librarians are actually as nice and thoughtful as you imagine they are.
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@AnearJames
Pretty much! Most stores use an inventory system that makes it impossible to even ring up anything that isn't already listed. Plus, the books tend to stick out like a sore thumb, and are often in inconvenient places, e.g., visionary weirdo fiction in YA etc.
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Yes yes very surprising that Texas shooter Mauricio Garcia had a social media account full of Nazi garbage, how could such a thing be etc etc.
I mean, who has ever heard of a fascist with a Spanish-language name?
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Oh great, now Donald Trump gets to appoint the next James Bond three days before the election.
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For the love of god someone photoshop in a banana peel on the floor and little stars orbiting his head.
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Surely the ghost pirate from whom this firearm was seized will simply walk through the walls of the precinct house and reclaim it when the moon is next full.
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Let me once again promise the concerned people with neurodivergency out there: it is not only okay that *you* respond to someone's anecdote about their life with one of your own, it is the perfectly acceptable rhetorical practice of billions of neurotypical people.
Memes lie.
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Thank you for the RTs.
@ACLU
is going to sue to try to stop these horrific renditions. Consider supporting them with a donation.
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"If you get political, you'll alienate half your audience!"
If half my audience thinks gunning down Jewish people worshipping in their temple is either a hoax or a political irrelevancy, feel free to be alienated from me.
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I saw one of those Share With A Coke cans and thought it said Share With A TARDIGRADE, but on second glance it said Share With A TAILGATER and I was disappointed.
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@RandallHackwor1
@Freeyourmindkid
Could you refresh my memory on what the flag of Africa looks like?
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It's not difficult: of course great art can be created by awful people, because it's easier to learn how to be a great artist than it is to learn how to be a good person.
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"How can a guy who was a total naked weirdo fifteen years ago end up on the far right?" isn't the unanswerable question some think it is. Spiritualized environmentalism and suspicion of vaccines generally make a nice little garden path to the right. Anti-trans sentiment as well.
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This tweet blew up.
You all must be fans of human misery!
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New rule: anyone flipping out over the false claim that Marie Kondo wants you to own only thirty books has to post a photo of the last ten books they read, so that the internet can judge their taste.
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Apologists for H.P. Lovecraft can stop saying that he "was a man of his time" now, as he is qualified to work for the Trump White House.
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May a roar of disgust rise up against you.
Happy New Year.
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Congratulations to the hysterical right for making Jill Biden's dissertation the most widely read EdD thesis of the century. It's probably approaching the triple digits in downloads now.
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Not to be spoilery or anything, but ROGUE ONE is basically about the difficulty of checking a book out of a poorly organized library.
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I remember, after moving to the Bay, going to a bookstore to hear Kim Stanley Robinson and Terry Bisson read and the event person called them "two of the best San Francisco writers who have been writing uhm about San Francisco for decades" because "SF" was on the index card.
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So a lot of people on Twitter are dumb, I guess, or just quickly got used to thinking they could start their own TV network or newspaper with a click of a button.
The Internet may well be "the new Town Square", but you're not supposed to schedule your political murders in it.
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Last year, one of these people found a monkey's paw in a curiosity shop and wished upon it, "I want to be such a famous writer that I get a huge write-up in the New York Times Sunday magazine!"
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THEY ALL DID IT. ALL THE SUSPECTS ARE GUILTY. THIS IS THE MOST POPULAR NOVEL IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. NOBODY WILL BE GUESSING.
Experience the movie event that “will keep audiences guessing.”
#OrientExpressMovie
is now playing in theaters:
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"This is so Orwellian!" he says as I place the cage full of hungry rats over his head.
Finally, proper use of the term.
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Kanye isn't running for President, he's running for Most Talked about on Twitter, which he'll lose to the next KPop star to take a photo with an adorable kitten.
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Remember when James Cameron made a movie about people with blue skin but red blood, and who weren't placental mammals but the girls had titties anyway?
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@SarahPalinUSA
Spoken like a woman who married her husband because he crushed a beer can flat against his forehead with his palm on their first date.
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I was flipping through a used copy of THE BELL JAR and someone wrote on the margins of p. 42 "go to therapy dummy" with an arrow pointing to a certain passage, and this is why you should always read the last couple pages of a novel before deciding to make notes.
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Given the massive amount of college debt held by working class people, it's a great idea.
Guide for the perplexed: not every college is a tweedy liberal arts campus of small castles in some New England town.
Dems are starting to lose the working class vote and decide one of the first big policy pushes they should do is on college debt forgiveness?
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Science fiction and fantasy writers should just append the suffix -punk to their own names to describe their work. "I write Bobpunk." We're headed that way anyway, so I say step on the gas.
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So what is the difference between literary and genre fiction?
A thread.
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Being arrested for "resisting arrest" but no other charge.
Also "disorderly conduct" (i.e., annoying a cop).
What’s something that’s clearly a scam but Americans have been conditioned to believe it’s “normal”?
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30. There's nothing particularly melancholic about the creative writer's soul. If there is a link between writing and depression it's due to uneven cashflow, significant poverty, large amounts of negative public scrutiny, and a very unpredictable career path.
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Keith Lee looks like he would open the tight lid of a pickle jar 99% of the way, announce it was too much for even him, and then hand the jar to a child and say, "Why don't you try it, young friend?" and then shout "Well done!" when the kid opens the jar easily.
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You'll note that Trump isn't reported as saying, "Though this surely violates the Constitution and may put my Presidency in danger, I must ask you, Nazi Ukrainian friend, to help me Drain the Swamp. I'll pay you, illegally, via quid pro quo!"
So, you see, fake news!
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Here's $1000 worth of editorial advice in a tweet:
Select a POV in order to make every subsequent decision about which information to give the reader easier.
Give the reader the information they need the moment before they realize they need it.
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"no longer comfortable"—corporations have totally adopted the quasi-therapeutic language of contemporary personal interactions
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Any inchoate moral intuitions you might have about fairness are irrelevant. The economy is going to collapse.
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Writers often like to get attention by tweeting inspirational comments about getting out there and hustling or being a golden god of creativity and it's all inside you and such, so here's my attempt:
Why don't you take it easy and just type a little bit each day.
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Pretty odd to see a lot of people telling a small press publisher about the importance of content warnings when the overwhelming majority of publishing doesn't put content warnings on their books.
And I guarantee that despite concerns about trauma, warnings will harm books.
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"Pardon me, but Wakanda isn't real and it's stupidly impossible because Vibranium is imaginary."
"Also, ATLAS SHRUGGED explains the economy and human nature perfectly. See, with an electrostatic motor and Reardon metal..."
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