“What do you know about Bonsai trees?” “Very little.”

(Medical Pickup Line): “You must be a premature ventricular contraction because you make my heart skip a beat.”

I like to learn something new every day. A group of flamingos is called a "flamboyance."

One of Shakespeare’s descendants has made a name for himself investigating corporate hacks. As soon as he’s hired, he always starts with, “Once more unto the breach.”

Those who dislike loud orchestral music hate it when composers turn forte.

Many a zoo employee works under the gnu normal.

I don’t know where you got your opinion, but I hope you kept the receipt.

“I can pick the football snack today? Thanks for the popportunity.”

Don’t hold back — espresso self.

My brain has gone from “You probably should not type that” to “What the heck — let’s see what happens.”

I guessed the price of lettuce right on the head.

I’m not saying you’re wrong but you’re definitely not right.

I like to learn something new every day. Caterpillars have 12 eyes, also called Ocelli, located in two groups of 6 eyes on each side of their head.

What did the cake say to the pie? “Slice to meet you.”

What did the bowling ball say to the pins? “You’re right up my alley.”

(Charged atom teaching a tough class): “I’ve got my ion you!”

Some people are as useless as the “ueue” in “queue.”

Don’t go bacon someone’s heart today.

What did the browser say to the cookies? "Cache me if you can!"

I like to learn something new every day. A male ostrich can roar like a lion.

The next time someone says, “Follow your dreams” go back to bed.