Monica Hesse
@MonicaHesse
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Columnist: Washington Post. Writes about gender and society. Author: THE BRIGHTWOOD CODE, a historical mystery, due in May 2024: https://t.co/qKdvRF4RFV
Joined April 2009
My first hardcover copy of THE BRIGHTWOOD CODE arrived today! On sale May 14. Pre-order now, and then come see me on the 14th at Politics & Prose.
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I am in Target. I am trying to buy a photo album. I asked where they might be. Worker did not know what a photo album was. I said it was a place to keep pictures. He sent me to the tech aisle. He assumed I wanted memory to store more pictures on my phone. I am 1 billion years old.
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A profound generational divide is Boomers came of age when education and houses were cheap but homegoods were expensive, and they now don't get why their kids aren't grateful for the furniture and tchotchkes they keep trying to pass down, when kids are renting 600ft apartments.*.
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Since #TamponTim is trending I'll point out that in high school, any boy who casually was like "Oh you got ur period? I stashed a pad from the bathroom in my backpack in case one of my friends needed it" -- that boy would be king stud. That boy would be drowning in prom invites.
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Sen. Mike Lee, who tested positive for covid less than 14 days ago, is currently unmasked in an enclosed room giving a speech from the dais on how it's the government's job to protect life.
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If a photographer ever suggests “let’s move this to the floor,” do not listen to them.
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I cannot read another essay by someone who thought covid was a hoax until, whoops, they too got deathly ill. Somehow, they thought everyone else impacted by the virus was. lying? .An inability to believe suffering in others until it happens to you is its own disease.
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"Secretary Clinton and Dr. Biden, we also welcome your lovely husbands." -- Rosalynn Carter's grandson's eulogy offers vengeance on behalf of lovely wives everwhere.
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Watching Sotomayor administer the oath to Harris undid me. Do you know how rare it is to see women, and women alone, portrayed as patriots, as leaders, as shapers of America's history for as long as America existed. The Bechdel test of democracy and we finally effing passed.
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*A dissertation, based on reading five billion advice columns that boil down to "why doesn't my avocado-toast daughter want my heirloom end table" and "my mom won't stop trying to give me her shitty end table.".
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Overheard on the sledding hill near my house:.BOY: What did you do over Christmas break.GIRL: Coding camp.BOY: You’re such a -girl- all you ever do is talk about coding and math. y’all it’s working.
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@zettie_geez Good for you! But I promise you, my great-great-great-grandmother could have been Mary Todd Lincoln herself, and I would still have no room for her end table in my tiny house. It’s a space issue, not a cherishing issue.
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I’m taking my 11-month old to daycare today. We tried everything to wait til she was vaccinated: my leave, my husband’s, vacation time, a visit from my mom. We lived in a retirement community with my in-laws for two months. In the end, we just ran out of road. Parents, I see you.
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3/ If you are married to a writer and they tell you their creative process means they cannot contribute to your household, it might not be that they're a genius. It might be that they're a jerk.
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My dad is retiring today after nearly 50 years of teaching. I flew out to sit in on his last class. Take a minute to think something nice about your favorite professor. I promise, they think of you all the time.
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1/ I am willing to bet that a substantial percentage of Americans, blissfully oblivious, have no idea what "six weeks pregnant" means.
Breaking: Texas is banning abortions as early as six weeks, before many women know they are pregnant. It is one of nation’s strictest abortion measures. Gov. Greg Abbott signed the bill into law today. It takes effect in September.
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Some of these responses are really "tell me you've never had close female friends without telling me you've never had close female friends.".
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None of you youngins are going to believe this, but there was a time when we all thought Prince William was the hot, desirable prince and Harry was a screw-up.
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Some thoughts on Texas: .1/ Every story I’ve ever reported on abortion shares one common truth: “pro-life” people have abortions all the time. They have them themselves, they want them for their daughters.
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This morning I overheard a dad tell his daughter that her dinner would contain "evening blueberries" and he later whispered to me that because she'll eat all fruits but no veggies, "evening blueberries" is house code for "peas." Beatify him.
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2/ Y'all, I have published six books: five novels, two of them New York Times bestsellers. I have written hundreds of thousands of words in between unloading the dishwasher, cleaning up dog puke, calling the HVAC guy and, yes, running to the grocery store.
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Amber Heard gave such an insightful answer to why she stayed. She saw every punch and act of violence as an investment in the future: a coin she deposited to show Depp she was faithful and true. After a while she’d deposited so many coins, the piggybank was too heavy to move.
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Six months into parenting, I go to bed every night shocked that I made it through another day and astonished that I'm expected to get up and do it again; does this feeling ever end?.
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1/ Re: this column. I'm getting -so- much feedback along the lines of "You don't understaaaand. Writers need uninterrupted hours to never be disturbed; they can't interrupted to go buy parmesan."
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@cmclymer We have all been trained to identify "emotions" as "crying." Men who live in constant states of anger, grievance and fear are not even aware they are living in a constant state of emotion.
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5/ Call this bill whatever you want, but both sides should be honest about what it really is: a de facto ban on abortion.
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no reason to start being funny now dane.
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@LeighGeorge Yes, if it can’t go in the dishwasher—well, it turns out everything can go in the dishwasher at my house.
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"I do not need to hear that he was heartbroken over a woman who dumped him/rejected him/ignored him. It is not the responsibility of women to pay attention to men in order to make sure those men do not shoot other people."
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If you're reading this thread and saying, "Not me! I already told my kids that when I die they can throw out anything they don't want from the basement/attic/garage" -- NO. Don't make your kids do this! Sort through your own boxes! Throw away your own burned-out Christmas lights!.
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Every time a student tells me that a teacher told them they weren’t a good writer because their grammar and spelling are bad.I want to fight that teacher.
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The chilling calls of "Oh Nancy? Where are you Naaaancy?" It is a horror movie. It is a very specific horror movie and many women will know exactly the kind of fear it is designed to evoke.
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2/ They have them because they think they are exceptions experiencing unique circumstances. Their condom broke! Their boyfriend left! They are too young!.They refuse to acknowledge that their exceptional circumstances are literally everyone else’s, too.
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“ ‘Breastfeeding is great because it’s free’ is a statement that is true only if you believe women’s time and bodies are worth nothing.” <— Hello! I am back from maternity leave!
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If we question our Black colleagues' ability to report objectively on BLM, survivor colleagues' ability to report on MeToo, and LGBTQ colleagues' ability to report on civil rights, we imply that objectivity belongs only to straight white men. I don't think we want to imply that.
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@Mario_Presents You never thought to carry anything just because a buddy might need it, even if you didn't need it yourself? Huh.
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2/ It does not mean, "I have known I am pregnant for six weeks." It means, "The first date of my last menstrual period was six weeks ago.".
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"While other countries determined that investing in child care is an easy way to encourage motherhood, the US determined what’s easiest is simply berating families who can’t make it work, telling them they should have budgeted better or saved more."
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@DCf4L . I dunno, guy. Seems like, "Girls actually want to be around me because they can trust me to have their back" is a better place for a high school boy to be in than "Girl bodies are gross.".
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"'Oh Naaaaaaancy.' A woman who hears it thinks of a specific kind of danger, and a man who says it thinks of that danger, too. That’s why he says it. To make clear that he is the hunter, and guess what you are?"
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3/ The fight to end abortion has always, always been, “end it for people like -them,- not people like me.” Every draconian law is meant to impact other folks, not the abortion-getting “pro-life” folks.
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5/ The people who wanted it suddenly got what they’ve been begging for. And they’re going to hate it as much as everyone else has hated their bad laws for decades. Welcome, dudes, to the hell of your own creation.
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1/ Earlier this week I became a Pulitzer finalist in the field of Commentary. I had to leave the ceremony early because my toddler was sick and wanted her mom, and yes, it felt a bit on-the-nose to write about feminist issues and then bug out of the Pulitzers for that.
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4/ It means that if you want an abortion, you now have 1-2 weeks to find the money ($500-$1,000 or more), secure childcare and time off work, and find a clinic, which may be hundreds of miles away and offer appointments just one or two days a week.
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Rowling’s tweets are exhausting because they require constant vigilance. They are not screaming out obvious bigotry, rather, they are whispering plausible-deniability bigotry, the kind that purports to be just asking questions.
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Tonight’s the night it starts staying lighter a few minutes longer each evening. Please take this and apply it metaphorically to whatever part of your life needs it right now; I know I will.
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3/ It means that if you have a "normal" cycle of 28 days (many woman have longer cycles), you probably didn't even think to take a pregnancy test until the medical community already considered you 4-5 weeks pregnant.
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GOP lawmakers are attempting to define "woman" and it's going spectacularly badly.
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4/ Now comes Texas, in which suddenly everyone must live under a cruel, asinine, bogus, misogynistic, dumbass, shitshow of a clown show of the seventh ring of hell.
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I'll go ahead and pin this standard email response, because it is very applicable to my inbox today.
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Hi. Are you "doing your own research" to "uncover truths" about Covid-19? Are you calling yourself a "citizen journalist"? As a professional journalist, I have a checklist to help: (1/7).
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1/ Becoming a mother this year has done nothing but strengthen my commitment to abortion access.
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Responses to "why didn't your column address. " in increasing order of pertinence:.3) Because not all columns can be about all things. 2) Because I literally wrote about your topic one week ago. 1) My column did address this, in paragraphs 3-5, mother of God.
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I can't believe the glow-up of "vegan butter" and "vegan mayonnaise;" y'all when I was growing up they were margarine and miracle whip, and we weren't vegan we were just poor.
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Do not ever benevolently advise a new mom to “sleep when baby sleeps” unless you personally are volunteering to come over and fill bottles, wash onesies, sterilize breast pumps and provide dinner.
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To PR folks bombing my inbox with "how are you going to cover Women's Day?" pitches, the answer is, I am not. Because I already cover it like it should be covered. Which is every damn day. 💁♀️.
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3/ Hallmark, I'm available if you'd like to buy the rights to this story.
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5/ Bring your whole self to your job. Whatever that self looks like. Bring your complexities and complications and midnight urgent-care visits, and your earned experience and earned empathy. You might not see it yet, but your whole self makes your work better.
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When I get emails criticizing my appearance, the saddest aspect is the reader assumes that he’s hit me where it really must hurt. That a writer who’d happily wear the same sweats three days in a row if it meant crafting the perfect sentence will be undone by, “Your nose is big.”.
A word on this debate over whether conservative women are “hotter.” The answer is definitely yes, but not for the reason you think. It’s because conservative women VALUE our femininity and our immutable differences. We aren’t TRYING to be men. God made us WOMEN. Go us and go men!.
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@ama_campbell @cmclymer @Conservativeind When another woman, cis or trans, comes to stand next to me, I cannot wrap my brain around feeling “erased.” I cannot imagine feeling anything other than happy to have the company.
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@Mario_Presents Friend, you're missing the point. The point is that sanitary supplies left in boy's bathrooms don't necessarily have to be used by boys or trans kids. They can be passed out to sisters, classmates, female friends in a pinch. It just. doesn't have to be a big deal.
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"This is the magic trick of a lot of conservative worldviews. Men are the ones in charge of what happens, but the women are the ones to blame."
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Cool deference to your wife's autonomy, Justice Alito. Now substitute "flags" with "abortion"
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The Venn diagram of people insisting that AOC had no right to be scared because she was in the Cannon office building, and people insisting they need to open-carry at Starbucks because they might be attacked while ordering a latte—it’s a circle.
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3/5 of the way through the Prince Harry memoir the most shocking thing I've learned is that in England TJ Maxx is called TK Maxx.
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Yesterday I got into the passenger seat of a stranger's car (same model as mine, parked a row over) and the driver's response was to chuckle and say, "Guess you haven't had your caffeine yet." As a white lady I'm allowed mistakes that are deadly for others. "No solicitors" my ass.
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Dear electricians, HVAC repairers, plumbers etc: You have no idea how quickly you'll get my business when you address questions, eye contact, and technical jargon to me, the person who called you, instead of to my husband, the person who didn't. I keep lists and recommend widely.
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For anyone grousing about the student debt forgiveness news, I remind you that you get to choose what kind of person to be:.1) I had to go through it, so you should too. 2) I had to go through it, and I'll work to make sure you don't have to. The choice seems easy to me.
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1/ So I went to Wholefoods to pick up my pre-ordered Thanksgiving meal. I put the turkey on top of the car while I unlocked the trunk. I drove away. I got home and there was no turkey; the turkey now belonged to the road somewhere between Wholefoods and my house.
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"I don’t think Rogan does this in bad faith. I think it’s simpler than that: He’s just not up to the task he has created for himself. He doesn't seem fully aware that treating all guests exactly the same doesn’t make you fair-minded, it makes you a patsy.".
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Delightful reader email from an 84-year-old man lecturing me for referring to Dr. Rachel Levine as a "her." He was certain the nuns who taught him would insist the correct pronoun in that sentence was "she." I love when transphobia turns out to be just grammar zealotry.
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My dad is an English professor who was asked to draft an AI policy for his students. Strongly cosign all of this.
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Brown Jackson's placid facial expression: I would say she has the patience of a saint, but I'm guessing she just has the normal amount of patience required of Black women on a daily basis.
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I’m going to be thinking about that for a while, and every time I read about a battered spouse.
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2/ So I frantically drove back to Wholefoods to see if they'd let me buy another turkey. I got up to the tent. Before I could say anything the cashier said, "I was just about to call you! It turns out we accidentally prepared TWO turkeys for your order; do you want the other?".
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All of the people currently surprised by how tonight is looking have not experienced the daily inbox content of a standard female journalist.
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Just quietly noting that some of the people in my inbox saying that a 17-year-old could not possibly be mature enough to know whether they’re trans are the same people who have argued that pregnant 13-year-olds should be forced to give birth because consequences.
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"To identify with Ramona Quimby was to understand that the world didn’t fit you yet, but it might one day. To demand that space be made for you and for all the girls like you, who heard someone murmur, What are we going to do with you?”
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Please note how many times talking heads refer to Kamala Harris as bringing a "woman's perspective," and how Mike Pence is never described as bringing a "man's perspective." That is because men's perspective are already assumed to be the default.
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I will never in my life tire of seeing woman elected officials wear suffragette white.
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"Ocasio-Cortez lays all of this out in a tone that never veers beyond mild irritation. She never raises her voice or resorts to calling names. She is exactly as measured as women are always expected to be, and as men are always assumed to be."
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Follow up: 1) y’all are wonderful. 2) yep, we’re in the middle of sleep training. 3) she’s getting over a month of RSV 4) it’s a pandemic 5) we’re out of milk and this is ice cream in my coffee this morning. Courage, everyone.
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I want to write a column called "things I wish people had told me about parenting," except that everyone told me everything, I just thought they were exaggerating when really they were minimizing.
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I cannot count the number of CNN contributors I heard today speculate that maybe Kevin McCarthy is just “unlikeable,” and sir, welcome to being a woman.
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Sandra Lindsay, a critical care nurse in New York, became the first American to receive a covid vaccine this morning.
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I cannot believe how many times I have to keep writing versions of the same thread, but here we are:.1/ The medical community counts pregnancy from the first day of your last period.
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If we want to get technical about it, Dr. Biden -did- deliver a baby, out of her own whole uterus.
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Sometime I think about how the pandemic could have been over, at literally any point in the past 18 months, if everyone had just spent two weeks wearing masks and staying home, and I am overcome by rage.
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8/ If you are on this website saying that women should just get their acts together sooner, you are telling on yourself, and what you’re saying is that you’re a moron.
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“Of course they would prefer that the story was a fiction. Admitting that the story was true would require admitting that there are some cases in which abortion is not only a necessity, it is a mercy. It is not only acceptable, it can be moral.”
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4/ I would not trade my experiences. But I wanted my daughter. If a person does not want to be pregnant, deliver a baby or raise a child, those reasons alone are enough. They are more than enough.
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"I do not need to hear how he was churchgoing, unless that revelation comes with an acknowledgment that some faiths have taught such horrifying messages of misogyny that 'he went to church' is as much an explanation as an expression of dumbfoundedness."
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"It says a lot about the new far-right supermajority that the sphere of personal privacy travels with men wherever they go, from the locker room to the football field, whereas there is nowhere a women can hide from the state’s interest in regulating her."
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Seems like a good night to remember this.
Can you think of any laws that give the government the power to make decisions about the male body?.
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