MAY IS LUPUS AWARENESS MONTH
@MistuRants
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Cannes Lion-Winning Copywriter | Marketing Comms Genius | Brand Storyteller | Rihanna’s Bestie | LUPUS Warrior | Building @mistyglamcorp
Rihanna’s Heart
Joined February 2012
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Last Seen Profiles
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Allow me to re-introduce myself. I am Misturah Abisola Owolabi, a Cannes Lion winning creative copywriter, creative innovations manager, tech marketing communications and content specialist, brand storyteller with experience working at Noah’s Ark Communications, RedWolf Digital,
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Being a witch in Lagos must be hard. After a stressful day at your 8-8 job, you still have to prepare for midnight meetings where your own share of the coven’s latest victim is the feet of an angry Nigerian that has never had a pedicure 🤮
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Make the state/country better for all Nigerians and no one would have to suffer like this. Stop using people you should be serving for PR
Lagos State Government has taken over the welfare of the amputee mother who hawks to survive
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I really hope that we Nigerians are ready for all the “inconveniences” we need to explain before our country gets better.
Let’s start with the businesses that have never paid taxes since they started operating. If a “working Nigeria” comes after your company…
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Police officers stopped my Bolt driver. Apparently, that one too has driver’s license issues. They asked him to cancel the ride so I’ll get another ride. I told them I wasn’t leaving him. Awon agbaaya said “na ride you order, you don fall in love.”😭😭
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Your parents’ houses that y’all refer to as trenches on this app just kills me. Our parents built houses with compounds that have garden, farm, football field, event hall, shops, even burial ground but it’s the Lekki houses that two cars cannot park inside that is luxury?
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Iyabo Ojo at AMVCA 2019. She was seated at the edge of the row and my agency was doing live coverage for a brand that night so I had to leave my seat like a million times to monitor the technical team. And every single time I did, I’d step on her dress cus the seats were so tight
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Babes, it’s very OKAY to not be open minded about everything. Like casual sex, one night stands, FWB, premarital sex,etc. You’re not boring nor rigid if these are against YOUR personal principles.
It’s about you. Not anyone else.
You’re very okay.
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Baecation baecation, if bae finally plans one, will your mummy let you go? 🌚
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I had a classmate in primary 2/3 that bullied me so much. She used to tell us she was a witch and that she’s the one stopping her mum from having another child. Many of us used to submit snacks and food to her so she doesn’t kill us. She reached out to me recently on IG...
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The way I ran to check my ketchup bottle. Let it not be that I’ve been eating HIAN instead of HEINZ
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He knows all my medications by heart. Monitors when they are about to finish. Accompanies me for my appointments. Leaves everything to come take care of me even if it’s just headache. Wants to join me on a plant based diet cus it’ll help reduce my Lupus symptoms.
We’ve had enough stories of women dealing with bottom tier men. Let’s hear princess treatment stories only.
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At the gym this morning, someone changed the music and started playing some really boring songs. So I go - all these dead songs won’t give us ginger o.
Ase, it’s one of the trainers playing his new album 😭
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After spending hard earned money on proper skincare products, someone will now say “you’re glowing, who is this your boyfriend?”
Fam, I will slam your head with the container of my exfoliating scrub. 😏
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A man is a father. A woman is a mother.
A woman cannot be a father. Your mother is not your father no matter what parental roles she has had to take on. She’s a parent. Period.
I can’t believe we really have to explain this in 2020.
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Randomly drive by a hotel, by the time you get home, Google maps will be asking you “How was Ibis Hotels?”
How was Ibis Hotels bawo, daleru daleru 😭
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One amebo went to meet my mum one time and asked her if she knew I've pierced my ears like a prostitute. My mother tilted her hijab and showed hers, "we did it together"
I remember one time someone called my mum and said “all your son does is drink liquor and sleep with women” and my OG mama said “I know” 😄
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Doctor: Do you know Selena Gomez?
Me: Yeah. I listen to her music.
Doctor: Do you like her?
Me: Well, I’m indifferent…
Doctor: Okay. She has lupus too and she’s doing very well, achieving her dreams and excelling in her career
Me: *rolls eyes*
#LupusAwarenessMonth
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Reminds me of this social experiment.
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That she is a feminist doesn’t mean she can’t or don’t love men.
She just wants to go to school, graduate , get a job, get paid without any gender discrimination, get promoted for being hardworking. All on merit, with no one chanting “Na woman” like she’s inferior !!
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Was hired as a copywriter, next thing, COVID-19 lockdown happened, agency said we should “assist” one of our clients- a bank, with customer service cus they were short staffed. I was receiving violent curses from angry Nigerians every day. At my tender age 😭
What’s the weirdest reason that has made you resign from a job?
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She looks like Uloma
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Eid Fitr two years ago, I left work at 8pm, no bus. I walked from Ikeja Along to Iyana Dopemu with some strangers, we cornered inside Agege, got to that Habeeb Yoghurt side, then it started raining. One random bike man saw me and asked me to jump on his bike.
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Our coven was attacked for the first time a night before my appraisal at work. It was that day I confirmed that bird pass bird, and that coven leader cannot pronounce R. In the middle of the incantations flying around, I counted five coven members with bow-leg
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I don’t care how nice a guy is to me, it’s a no-no if he comes online to insult other women or even make misogynistic jokes.
You can’t say you respect me and talk trash about other women.
I wonder how the women married to some of these people feel when they read their tweets.
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Some of you need to understand that there’s a level you get to in this life that your parents will not need to ask where you got 1m because there’s clear evidence of what you do. If your parents need to ask you where you got money, maybe you’re just underaged with no obvious
She sent her mother N1m without her asking her and this happened
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“You don’t know people’s husbands are here? You want to put men into lust?”
A foot soldier of patriarchy
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If you’re the type that spends time consuming fashion content on Pinterest, you’d see that most of these Nigerian RTW brands have no original design.
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Let me add that there’s fake EMZOR paracetamol everywhere. Once you buy, please check the sachet, there’s always an error in the spelling of COOL in STORE IN A COOL DRY PLACE. That’s how you know it’s fake.
If they don’t spell it as COL, they’ll spell as COLL.
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Me I won’t lie, I feel shitty, uncomfortable and very miserable when I’m not on good terms with my lover. That’s why I’ll rather go and type long “I feel like you are…” speech so we can keep talking until we settle. Better that than silence.
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Two years ago today, I called my father and told him I wanted to resign from one of the best advertising agencies in Nigeria.
He asked if I had found another job, I said no. Then he asked why I wanted to leave, I told him I wasn’t happy.
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Mrs Misturah sounds like a tongue twister but I don’t mind it at all 😌💍
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@ThatPHCBoy
It is ridiculous!!!
No charger, nothing! Just the phone. Soon, they’ll start selling the phone in bits
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Might also be connected to the rise in PCOS diagnosis and other reproductive health issues amongst women
I’m scared because there might be fake pad and tampon out there and we are using them unknowingly.
You’ll be treating infection not knowing what’s wrong with you.
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PCOS is another condition we don’t talk about enough.
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I’m proud to say that I’m a NEPO BABY because my daddy laid the foundation for my career in media and advertising. Throughout uni, his influence got me internship opportunities every semester and by the time I graduated at 20, I had worked in six media companies-
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I have a degree in this. I’ll make you as uncomfortable as you intended to make me
normalize staring blankly at grown ups when they make unfunny jokes
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As I was saying sorry, she just kept on nodding “don’t worry” “it’s fine”
Even I would have changed it for myself even if I was at an event and someone wouldn’t stop walking back and forth in front of me to get to their seats. But she was so nice and cool about it
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Applied progressive overload to my marital status and got legally married.
#FromMisstoMrsturah
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All your saucy aunties and uncles that have been working in local governments for years and receive salaries without doing a single thing, when they are exposed and sacked, hope you won’t come and cry that the government is wicked?
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Bought nose ring on Instagram, it came looking tiny AF. Vendor told me no one has ever complained about the size and it’s probably because my nose is big 😂😂
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That thread left me shocked. Taking turns to rape innocent girls and calling your friends to come and do their own. No wonder some of una dey get blind loyalty to your guys as per brothers bonded by rape.
My guy my guy because you and your guys have crazy dirt on one another
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There’s so much to be said about the rheumatologists in LASUTH and LUTH that manage
#LupusWarriors
here in Lagos, their attitude to work and how they make us feel. If nobody will say it, I definitely will, and what better time than during
#LupusAwarenessMonth
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My lil sis just started uni and she’s been ranting to me about how her school is filled with content creators. She said everyday, there’s atleast 5 people that’ll come and ask you if they can rate your outfit. As if that’s not even annoying, there are those that don’t ask for
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Have you ever wanted to tweet something, then you realize it might seem like a sub at someone close to you, so you just delete immediately?
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When the government comes after those who have knowingly built their houses on government properties just because “I have an uncle in the ministry and he has assured me that government won’t come after me.” Hope nobody will cry that the government is rendering families homeless
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... “you think she lied about being a witch to bully you, what if she really is? You get mind fight witch?”
Lol, I humbly deleted the insults and blocked her.
But I’m worried AF. Now that the world has gone digital, what if blocking a witch on social media is a big offence? 😭
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The teachers and the parents thought it was the song that was making me emotional.
As I dey do I’m-trading-my-sorrows-I’m-trading-my-pains, tears dey fall from my eyes like fountain. Parents were cheering, spraying me money as per this girl is such a good performer 😭😭
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What’s a rich Yoruba woman if she cannot spray aganran at parties while jiggling her breasts to K1 The Ultimate?
Tschwwwww
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When you have to get proper certification and license before operating any business, hope you won’t say the government is stifling entrepreneurs
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You also have to endure the rants of your coven mate who comes to the meeting every day to complain about her neighbour whose husband just got a new car. You’re wondering why she’s not asking for her own car but for the coven to kill the neighbor and her husband. Sigh 😏
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You try not to think too much cus you suspect that the coven leader can hear your thoughts. But can she really? Cus the deputy coven leader has been sleeping with her husband for the past six months and she doesn’t seem to suspect a thing. Waste of power, God forbid!
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... as per “Misturah wow, you’re now so fat” ( used to be very skinny as a kid). Omo fear catch me, Aunty aje, e tun wa mi de bi 😭😭I’m so fat, now you want me to submit my blood to you? You don upgrade pass goody goody and caprisun.
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You people don’t know what
@rihanna
and I have got planned for you tonight. Rihanna’s Met Gala for a reasonnnnn
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All my best girls and I dressed as Robyn Rihanna Fenty
@rihanna
. My heart is so full. Always wanted to have a Rihanna themed event and I had such a great bridal shower
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When the so-called big men and women are expected to queue alongside the “common men” that they look down on in public places, hope nobody will cry that status and wealth are no longer respected in the Nigerian society.
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Maybe I’m the one that needs to lower my expectations in marriage because why are we praising husbands for standing by their wives during pregnancy? Ise wo lo gba in the first place? Are we not encouraging the barest minimum like this?
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When your “plugs” to get things done in any public institution become useless and you have to go through the right process for EVERYTHING, no matter how small, hope nobody will say Nigeria is making their lives harder.
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When all our friends and people we all know start filling up kirikiri prison for doing yahoo yahoo and other fraudulent activities, hope nobody will complain that business is no longer moving because there’s no one to sell their yahoo-inflated-overly-priced products to
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When drivers who have never gotten their driver’s licenses and have been driving for years ( boasting about their lawlessness) wake up one morning to a heavy fine or prison sentence, hope children will not come and cry that the government has arrested their breadwinner.
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When the people that just wake up and start mixing/ packaging bleaching creams from their backyards wake up to NAFDAC in their homes, and get dragged to prison, hope you won’t come and post foolish JUSTICE FOR hashtags on social media ooo
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Met a 16 year old recently who is badass at UI/UX design and animation. I was so impressed. Didn’t even know she was 16 until I asked her what she studied in uni. She wasn’t even in uni yet. At 16, I was just the head girl of my high school and I used to feel accomplished.
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…hope you won’t start crying that the government hates you?
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What would it take them to just take away your pot belly and add the fats to your bum, eh? Why do they think you want to wait 3 months for your body to heal? What are the advantages of being a witch self? You wonder again, for the 1000th time.
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But you’re not even surprised anymore, considering that you asked the coven for spiritual liposuction just last week but they declined and offered to give you love potion instead to charm a sugar daddy that will pay for your trip to Turkey to get the procedure done.
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As someone who had zero social life in uni, here’s something I always tell my siblings and younger cousins. I promise you, you’re not missing out on anything if you don’t attend parties/ go clubbing. If it’s not your thing, don’t succumb to the pressure to live the “uni life.”
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I blocked her on IG, make she no come block me in the spiritual realm. 😭
Person wey dey collect goody goody before, make she no come collect all the good good things in my life. God Abeg oo 😭😭
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That year, I was always so terrified to go to school. This girl will collect everything- meat on your food, your noodles and egg, your fine socks self.
She’ll now be singing songs from Koto Aye. Thinking about it now, I mumu too much cus me self I watched Koto Aye now 🤦🏽♀️
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I like Sharon Ooja so much. A gorgeous babe that just oozes happiness
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We modern day women actually take for granted the things we enjoy and can do freely today because just look at the nonsense discrimination women have faced in the past.
Kathrine Switzer, the first woman to run the Boston Marathon, is harassed by officials as women were not allowed to participate, 1967
Kathrine Switzer made sports history as the first woman to run the Boston Marathon in 1967. At the time, women were not allowed to participate,
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If you bring it up now, all they’d do is suggest for you to kill your boss. But knowing how his greedy children are eager to sell off the company as soon as he dies, you know the only job you’d have if you kill your boss is to be selling pap with the coven leader at Atan.
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Oops you suddenly remember you cannot think about God here. Phew, it still takes some getting used to.
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If you’re too tired to tweet, pls just copy and paste.
#EndSARS
#EndPoliceBrutalityinNigera
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I miss UNILAG’s “hot doughnut hot doughnut” at 7am in the morning. 🥺
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See me shamelessly shining teeth with them. 🤦🏽♀️
I hate being in a position where I have to beg cus I’m in the wrong gosh
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No one warned you that all they do here is share the meat of people with body odour. What you heard is that this is where you get the power to get anything you want in life. But this is the third year since you joined and you still cannot get your boss to approve your promotion.
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Misogyny ti fe baye yin je.
Plus the ones saying “my mother will first ask me,” it’s because they know you cannot make such amount from the work you’re doing, dear so they can sense you probably stole it. And it’s a shame that your parents don’t even trust you 💀
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Texting your partner all day is the barest minimum.
- Good morning babe, on my way to work.
- Hey babe how’s it going, meeting in a bit.
- Can you believe I’m just having breakfast?
- I’m about to leave the office now.
That’s how easy it should be if you’re truly in love
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You almost puke as your seat partner bites into her own share- a piece of buttocks meat heavily decorated with “kuruna”
She’s asking why you’re not eating yours, so you hand it over to her cus Lord knows you plan on throwing it away anyways.
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The one time you asked the coven to make you rich, they asked you to donate your dark chocolate Yoruba lover, Tunji to the coven, after which they gave a long list of things you wouldn’t be able to do again. One of which is spraying money at an Owambe.
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I’m all for body positivity but dress for your body type fr. Some outfits are meant for certain body types, and your body will not look good in it no matter how much you love that body
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@Fadebey
Not even on WhatsApp o. Even on the day of the wedding, some of them won’t post or put out anything to show they are getting married. I can never understand it
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No one should have to live like that. But the world is unfair, sigh.
I pray that things get better for anyone unhappy with their jobs. I pray you find a job that makes you happy. I pray you never lose yourself because you need to make your daily bread. Amen
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One of my favorite colours fr
pink is such an attractive color.. let’s see you on pink, accessories or anything.
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Alexa, play me “soro soro ni mi, dakun ma je ki n s’oro so.” 😭😭
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How else do you show you’re
@rihanna
’s self-acclaimed bestie? By getting all your besties to dress as her!
My Robyn Rihanna Fenty themed bridal shower (in summary) 👰
It was hard for me to pick best dressed. Who’s yours ?!
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When I saw her message,my emotions switched from fear to anger. I switched to my Notes app and started composing the hot hot insults I wanted to give her. Lol. But as I dey type am, something dey give me warning...
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Saying “mothers who had to be fathers” is reinforcing the narrative that there are some parental roles designed for fathers that mothers cannot take on.
Parents are parents but mothers cannot be fathers.
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He has 1926 as DOB instead of 1986. The police officers spotted it. He said it was an error and the licensing office told him he had to go to Abuja to correct it and he hasn’t been able to do that. They told him the licensing office had to give him a “note” until then.
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We finally found my brothers oo. Apparently our neighbour saw them when she came to pick her kids and drove them home. While we were searching, my brothers don chop three course meals at our neighbor’s house. They were having so much fun that they didn’t want to go home, so...
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That year ehn, there was a Christmas party we had in school and we were supposed to perform to I’m-trading-my-sorrows. Just before the choreography, this girl twisted my ear so bad, my earring broke. By the time we started the choreography, I was still crying...
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There was one term she threatened me not to come first in class, else she was going to kill me. So I sabotaged myself during exams so I won’t pass and come first.
The day we collected our results, as soon as I saw 1st position, I started crying.
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That same person con dey tell me Hi. She even added my surname. The witch still remembers my surname, Na that one dey fear me pass 😭😭.
Make she no go report me to her coven.
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Today, I’ll be talking about a chronic condition called FDSC.
FDSC stands for First Daughter Saviour Complex. FDSC is thinking you can help everybody, leaving you emotionally overwhelmed and dangerously burdened by other people’s issues because you cannot help but present
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These guys are everywhere on the road today 🤦🏽♀️
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Dem no know say I just chop beating. We finished the choreography and this witch came to meet me to ask why I didn’t stylishly pack money as our classmates were doing so I can come and give her ( our teachers always packed the money for the school for some reason?
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