Ehhhhh
@Mewtailv2
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i can't stop CHECKING THE NOTIFSSSS OOOOHHHHHH DOPAMINEEEE!!!! I'm fuckim shaking. So low to SO high! What a thrill. Too thrilling. My bladder is stinging y'all. And my bladder calls the shots.I'm surrendering my cellular device to a trusted person . BYE SEE YOU LATER
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This world so silly I came on here for a greedy peek at my poop cock and ball chilidog hoping it got likes. (That was the reddit post that got taken down. The hotdog subreddit is run by tyrants) &the thread where I said "I'm not ready for viral posts" is banging instead
There is also a %of me that got really triggered yesterday when reddit mods took down my post that was gaining traction. In the end I took it as a lesson I'm not mentally ready for viral posts. I was observing those analytics like It was a war room. And now I feel rejected
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I'm glad my words could resonate with others. Idk what else to say LOL. This much attention is making my whole body vibrate. so I'm not going to monitor this post very much. Or at least try not to....
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Oh dang uh hello everyoneee. Sorry you're all so miserable too. I believe in all of us. the rest of the thread got cut off bc I started to get embarrassed of my misery and deleted a few before continuing again.Its really bothering me that it's cut off https://t.co/RJmLOlQmtP
Ugh this pathetic sob fest. Where's a good update. I just made myself cringe . Ugh. I did sign up for community college and I'm vowing to be myself during it. That's currently a goal I have.
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before I go can everyone please appreciate how my 1 and a half bunless chili dogs came out lookin like a bloody dick and balls covered in shit (I put the onions for cum)
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I can't spell . I'm typing too fast and thinking too fast. I'm giving myself a timeout. I'm trying to be more of a parent to mewtail sometimes and so I'll make my inner wise person say stuff like "No. Stop that. That's bad for your health"
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Dude I did make a lotta progress tho I had to do a psych eval for the community services place to continue therapy and 4 years ago my goals was "to be able to develop goals "
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Ugh this pathetic sob fest. Where's a good update. I just made myself cringe . Ugh. I did sign up for community college and I'm vowing to be myself during it. That's currently a goal I have.
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my therapist cancelled our last appointment and that I'm nervous I'm losing her forever I finally built trust with someone I've never made this much progress in therapy before . I already lost my dbt group leader Dan. He disappeared
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. I missed him before he died bc I was isolating myself and now I'll always miss him
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I haven't been allowing myself to grieve a good friend. because I deeply feel I don't deserve to because I was so absent at the end of his life. I feel ill never forgive myself but I know he'd want me to and I'm trying. He didn't blame me for isolating myself
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I'm angry at the unspeakable cruelty happening for centuries too and I'm upset about society I'm upset about normal. Normal in America is cruel, i never ever ever want to try to be normal again. I'm trying to be rejecting "normal" , trying not to be anxious to sound normal
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Idk I'll get better I just I'm screaming into the void. I'm having a lot of bad days in a row. Backsliding
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I'm just haunting the internet lately like like some kind of ghost . I became a reditor because cold turkey was too hard. They hate me there. I don't have reddit compatible behavior
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1on1 interaction with anyone outside of my romantic relationship feels legitimately impossible and terrifying. If I responded it would be artificial and to please you. I have nothing natural to say to most people right now. I'm dead in many ways
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I'm spreading my abandonment wound like the plague because I'm barely even technically alive. Neither was he. He finally got diagnosed with BPD and finally reconnect with me And then he just died
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Thank you for replies and dms. I'm so grateful to be cared about and paid attention to despite being a deadbeat. I understand my father now and I am horrified by the tragedy of his life and it's scared me. 'Deadbeat' and 'ghosting' are both terms that are very on the nose
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I know very little about myself other than how desperate I became to be and stay liked
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Idk and I just can't even BE MYSELF ON HERE ANYMORE. I did for 5 seconds and now I'm self censoring again and my systems in my brain are doing whatever the fuck they do to keep me from being fully myself
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