Matt.
@MattTheBrand
Followers
28K
Following
34K
Media
445
Statuses
12K
overthinking
dc
Joined January 2010
Nooo that’s my emotional support guy i text who’s not into me
5
352
4K
Owning a cat is like ok yes everything i own may be covered in hair but at least there’s a Creature shitting in that box
3
29
388
Shortly after this they hit me with a $3000 repair bill..
Since it’s almost the end of the year, what was your biggest tweet?
0
1
107
Ah yes time to come home and have a nice nutritious meal called “37 crackers”
33
2K
22K
(seeing a friend i haven’t seen since college) do you still puke on ppl
2
54
2K
Love going to the airport bc i love wearing hoodies and walking fast
8
1K
10K
The best part about driving a 2010 honda civic is you can just like bump into stuff. who cares
258
4K
100K
(Trying to give myself a pep talk) you are nice. You are KIND there are very few things wrong with you except for of course the Things
0
317
2K
You want me to “calm down”? everything that should cost $40 costs $100 and you want me to calm down
1
27
142
Therapist: do you ever think of suicide Me: never Me when my Favorite Cup is dirty in the sink: ok I guess I’ll just kill myself then
1
16
160
Being single is actually amazing????? dishes in the sink?? Nobody has to know! Walk aimlessly around the neighborhood for hours?? None of your business!! Talking to myself like gollum from lord of the rings????????????
0
13
111
Talking to a guy on hinge after I liked him and he liked me also
3
202
3K
This one for sure
what are posts that aren’t load-bearing anywhere but your personal lexicon. like the ones that weren’t really popular but are so enshrined in your mind that you just assume they got hundreds of thousands of likes
0
31
1K
Agatha christie:
u should be able to kys temporarily for dramatic effect
0
11
114
Hey man do they have any sweet treats at the function or should we pre
10
3K
23K