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Matt [Redacted]
@MattRedacted
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Very average authority on the Non-Intercourse Act of 1809.
Ship-Trap Island
Joined April 2009
A year into the Trump presidency and I think we are all surprised that his business experience negotiating non-disclosure agreements with Playboy Playmates of the Year has not really translated into experience in governing. #MAGA
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The Southern Poverty Law Center just listed America as a hate group.
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Button flies don't require you to drop your pants around your ankles at a public urinal, but it's a pretty reasonable excuse.
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The problem isn't conservative ideas. The problem is the messenger. It's kind of like if Moses had been wearing pimp shoes.
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The GOP plan: Defund Sesame Street so that the federal government can pay for senior citizens to sit around all day and watch Fox News.
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The continual funding of government-led covert, mind control operations is not an issue this election season. I wonder why…no I don't.
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Romney asked me a few weeks ago if I was better off than I was 4 years ago. Am now. Thanks Obama! #iPhone5
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Self-employment means more Andrew-Lloyd-Webber show-tune-kind-of-days. #notyourworkerbee
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Mitt Romney’s so rich he pays Bruce Jenner for weekly telephonic updates to keep up with the Kardashians
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Yo NASA, I’m really happy for you…I’ll let you finish. But Russia had one of the best Venusian probe landings of all time! -Kanye West
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Fetal Flock of Seagulls syndrome: a pattern of fetal defects associated with high levels of 80s new wave exposure during pregnancy
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Now that America is a little gayer, I hope my wife is more supportive of my go-to-hell trouser collection. America, now in technicolor.
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Texas has the best welfare system in the country--all 72oz steaks are free so long as you clean your plate in 60 minutes.
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People have "Tebowing" all wrong. Tim Tebow isn’t praying. He is asking God’s forgiveness for playing football on the Sabbath.
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Fox News: Sources close to Santa say illegal alien children will awake to stocking notices stating “Package left on front porch IN MEXICO.”
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If there really was strength in numbers, leper colonies would still be a thing.
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