I’m at the point where everything o do for myself, i think about having to get it done for my parents. Need to get parents to the dentist, need to cut their nails, need to get their hair cut, etc.

Sundays with my parents feel a little like treading water in one spot. Glad for my aunt, uncle and extended family who make it more fun.

For whatever reason, I’ve ceded control of my house. I should take it back and take up space in my house.

I wonder why some people get stressed by life and some people don’t. I don’t really get stressed by work, but i get ridiculously stressed by life. For the first time in my life, i’m jealous of the fun people say they have online.

I dunno if it is the lack of exercise, sports, fun, creative output, or the loss of routine, personal space, control. Or changes in work situation soon or needing to constantly manage parents, or being stuck btw relationships and not having enough zest or optimism to choose.

am feeling a little depressed and i don’t know why or how to get out of it.

Yesterday, to avoid what i have to do today, i took it one day at a time. This morning, to avoid what i have to do this afternoon, i’m taking it an hour at a time.

a mouthful of squid snacks.

and maybe i do need therapy.

am sitting in the car in geylang and thinking about how life feels pretty miserable in our 40s and how i can cope with this anxiety.

I have been washing my parents’ feet, and I understand more fully now how it is an act of love and humility.

Think I just gotta take things one step at a time. Chill when I can, be crazy happy drunk when i can, and just deal with each episode as it comes.

i wish i were young and i had time to burn.

daunting week ahead is coinciding with PMS, making me particularly heavy hearted. will try not to think about implications but to take it a day at a time.

Wide awake.

Three little birds, sat on my window and suddenly I remembered her whimsy and her genius, as if she were in the car with me.

How does anyone fall in love in this heat?.

It’s my birthday and I’m realising I can’t seem to relax without feeling anxious.

I think I need to take control of my life and not feel like I don’t have options to do things that are fun. I get into a miserable depressed state thinking like that.

I think I’m anxious and I’ve run out of ways to self-soothe.