is Coming is no longer coming. It came. Debut album is live on all the streamers. Tapes available from @StrangeMono https://t.co/l7AwiDFKOU

You wake in an open house for a pre-fab condo. Three sporty couples are admiring the marble kitchen island. The open floor plan is great for entertaining. You have three options: Make a Hinge profile, buy the new Resident Evil, or start a Holy War in the Middle East.

How many time zones do I have to suck to get a good night’s sleep around here?

I dont know what the secret to happiness is, but Ive never been sad in a Mexican restaurant.

Is it worth getting arrested to kick dent stupid fucking jeff koons dog

LA is pretty cool. There’s cilantro and zoloft on the fries; the Elliott Smith wall is now a bar themed after a Gus Van Sant movie; Im gay now.

I wonder what my phone has been up to

You should see the other guy

What’s your favorite Volatile Organic Compound?

Been a good month for farting into the void. Next stop: Pound Town.

Sorry I missed your call. Ive been battling horrors unimaginable and learning via cryptic, posthumous clues the nuances as to how the hubris of man has allowed such incongruous folly to befall a once great civilization.

What if I use my penis to haul the smoker to a campground twice a year and the rest of the time I use it to blind people on highway

Yes I have been working out. At the library. The booknasium. The gym of the mind.

Turn that brown upside down

I slept in and all I got was a kink in my shoulder, an innocuous sense of time dilation, and the lingering dream dialogue “I dont like synths before a ninja fight.”

There is a man at the cafe eating a sandwich one ingredient at a time and I feel an uncanny urge to assert dominance.

What if Netflix and/or Disney bought EVERY restaurant and made them serve all of the same food, but no living human being gets to decide what menu items from each remain available. And you can only have it delivered. That would be wonderful.

An unremarkable and mundane, but nonetheless significant personal time demarcation ritual

Ever listen to a Mozart track and find it totally believable it was written by a kid? A smart kid, yeah, but ZERO life experience. This guy has never felt the wrath of a woman scorned, or had a friend die. Its like, “Oowee, I lined up allll the bubbles and then popped them!”

Self-fulfilling autopsy

https://t.co/7gSDq5LXeH