tristan
@Lispy_Dipshit
Followers
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Following
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23 / 6' 200lbs / any pronouns / completely normal male gym progress account
Joined January 2018
one more "they hid your top surgery scars really well" and im ending it
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autistic girls be dropping the most crazy rizz n then go nonverbal like ermmm why did you end your turn baby you had lethal.
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bpd caveman: GRRUH. me: . bpd caveman (thinking): no grunt back he hate me.
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pharaoh: *trying to embalm a corpse*. gay little scarab: :3 hiiii watcha dooin *crawls under your skin* . pharaoh: my mummification. gay little scarab: *flaps wings* wehh imm your royal subject ^_^. pharaoh: silence at once.
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i remember not believing one of my friends was a dom so i ended up backseating one of her esex calls and i was spamming the drake applause gif while she put that work in.
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>t4t date.>she shows me this video and says "this is how we met (shes the dog)".>i immediately walk out. are my actions justified?
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when u gotta venmo a trans girl & her deadname is about to flash on screen so u gotta lock in
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you ask a porn addict what they like in a woman and they turn into maxwell from scribblenauts "goth dommy abusive tomboy futa asmr gf" like thats cool and all but the job employer needs you to spawn an item that is useful to him so you can get the starite.
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when the boy with suspiciously female bpd starts growing his hair out and experimenting with makeup you have a solid 6 months to bag them before they're off the market forever.
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my grandma told me keep $3 in my pocket so if i see a cute girl i can buy her a lemonade. grandma these b*tches want facial feminization surgery.
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dumping someone with bpd is the original double it and give it to the next person.
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i hate how sex messes up your hair & makes you sweaty & make funny faces i probably lose so much aura during that shit.
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"bottom prep kills the moment" have you tried standing outside the door & playing minecraft intro music & entering the room timed with the beat drop.
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pro tip: if the group chat doesnt answer, don't feel sad or anxious. instead, start doing domestic abuse incest roleplay with yourself it should get the attention of the others very quickly.
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"good boy" and "good girl" just recieved some serious nerfs and bugfixes in the latest update, but luckily "this will be our little secret" is completely unpatched and remains game-breakingly op.
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"my son turned out fine". your daughter-. *everything goes black*.why? why do you fight? what is your purpose? your past will forever trap you in a cycle of pain and misery. why wont you just die already? how do you keep going?. is a puppy! she barks for me! how funny is that.
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we need an updated bdsm test. "i enjoy being tied up" yeah thats cool but nowadays you're somebodies discord kitten and you're bottom fragging in csgo with a remote controlled vibrator in each one of your holes listening to nightcore and saying uwu things have changed.
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stop saying "gj bro im proud of you" when your friends improve their lives. offer to be their little pet instead. offer your entire body and spirit to them. let them take ownership of your life. example below
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REALLY drunk chaser at a party: *smells me* age of empires. math rock. *feels my muscles* body dysmorphia. gymcel. bpd. rhythm games. puppy pilled. shoe size 11. me: bro What. chaser: alexa order black and white striped skirt amazon prime overnight shipping Thigh high socks.
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my ass doesn't know how to flirt 💀💀💀 i asked if she's heard any rumors lately.
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me: ngghh. good girl. fuck, i'm close. such a good little puppy *moans* ahnn~ roll over. puppy, speak!. video essay by some autistic nerd with a vaguely feminine voice: *unpause icon flashes* Pokemon Diamond and Pearl, two of the most beloved games of the franchise released.
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i always thought if you cheated on a trans girl she'd remove the ram from your pc or scratch the fuck out of your jp white gamecube controller with her irl csgo knife or something but it seems like most of yall just get turned on by it.
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we're leaving families in 2024. in 2025 you have to pick a random 30+ year old girl you fawn over on discord as your mom & either jerma or northernlion as your father.
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guys at the arcade when they see a tall girl whose a little clocky with a deep voice
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when guys talk about the "grind" "rise and grind" etc theyre actually talking about waking up, crying and grinding on their bedsheets (while telling themselves that theyre a "good girl" (in a girl voice)).
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trying to feminize my face when i go out & i end up accidentally looking like a jojos character but we're pulling the autistic girls either way i guess
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sex is a gamble between feeling good or having the worst dissociative episode of your life and a guy like me loves loot boxes.
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1 beer got the entire group call edging and moaning naked playing league of legends.
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another birthday. the amount of women older than me shrinks once again.
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this shit wouldnt work on me itd feel like nothing ive been doom fisting my shit with that icelandic professional strongman grip for over a decade no human or human creation can satisfy me.
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idk how to flirt i just repeatedly reference hyper specific and obscure forms of media & ask her to bounce on it until she sends me a screenshot of her flight ticket purchase.
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girls have a man for everything. the car guy.the venting guy.the lawyer guy. i have a tgirl for everything. the video game elo boosting girl.the venting girl.the video editing girl.
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and bro has the gall to type "greatest video of all time" under this industrial slop he jacks off to. unreal.
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*walks into her room* hello gorgeous! so nice to finally meet you. i love your posts- *notices blahaj on bed and jerma stream running on pc setup* oh. uh its 2024? you're supposed to watch northernlion now & djungelskog is way better than that shark. i have to go. .
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sorry i didnt mean to girlfrot all over you. fuck. sorry. right im supposed to boyfrot. boyfrotting. here we go *accidentally girlfrots again* god fucking dammit i.
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seasonal depression is really cool cause it makes me like a real life vampire. but instead of burning in the sun i get sad and anxious and want to become a girl who has gay sex.
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its really hard to physically say some things to my parents, for instance calling my mom "mom" or calling my dad "dad" but god its easy for the 30-something year old woman i met on runescape. you're my mom now. did i also mention i love you.
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yesterday my irl friend had to witness me cut him off mid conversation to record a voice note of me barking for a girl on instagram & today my bro watched me mindlessly typing at the gym asking someone to cannibalize me under their selfie be honest am i cooked.
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im glad girls are finally realizing grindr isn't a real dating app & its just for farming free funny messages from guys for the whole timeline to laugh at.
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oh you want to be treated like a dog? okay *accidentally misgenders you*.
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having predatory 30 year old women buying me dangerous amounts of alcohol at the club and calling me a "baby" is cool and all but i miss being depressed and lonely posting about it and chasing after the experience this shit sucks.
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was about to call her "big sis" during sex but the accursed brand on my neck started burning as horifically deformed faces floated around the room taunting me with visions of a parallel universe in which i have a mother figure.
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@BigFanOfBridges this the only time ive ever seen u in anything but the gym fit gotta be fake.
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heres 3 reasons why "don't let any other girls do this to you, okay?" is criminally underrated and needs to be added to the meta cougar moveset.
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prettiest girl in the friendgroup: look at my bestfriend!!! ur so pretty girlfriend omg i wanna be you . strongest boy in the friendgroup: THIS IS MY CATBOY TWINK BITCH MALEWIFE #2 I PUNCH HIM IN THE TUMMY SOMETIMES.
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i NEED to fuck a looksmaxxing doomcel "its over" vibes twink so fucking badly. imagine pulling off his stupid boxers and seeing his fully jelqmaxxed zinc enhanced veiny jelqed stretched out perma-edged penis. imagine pounding him while he lets out a ". " (he's mewing) GOD.
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its ok to like boys as a lesbian if its me and only me and the rest of the people you like are girls
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me: wow i sure love Driving. and being Gay. gps: for 3 miles Continue straight-. me: WTF!!!?!! NEVARR!!! x3 *engages e brake and starts stimming out on the steering wheel* WHEEE IM SPINNING AROUND AND CHASING MY TAIL IM A PUPPPY!!! WHEEEE- *car wraps around a pole*.
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If I'm ever a billionaire im not getting teenager blood infusions. I'm getting trans girl blood infusions. All the years of estrogen, knifeplay, ketamine and cerave skincare products compounded into the elixir of youth. I will live forever.
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i wanna be 6'8 and jacked and a beast and be capable of supporting a family of 8 by myself but i also need a loser older woman i affectionately call mommy to buy me primey wimey energy drink and scroll roblox tiktok content with me everyday is that normal i also wanna be a girl.
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girls are a vending machine in which you put down $3.50 on an energy drink to give to them so they can get off balatro and go outside with you.
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i am not "daddy" i am not "mommy" im sorry i don't even know how people find the energy to be dominant or aggressive my entire life i've just felt chronically fatigued and at times taking a few steps or speaking a few words is painful i cannot domestically abuse you sorry kitten.
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you ever just grip your pillow lengthwise and push your hands together a bit pretending its a twinks waist.
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oh youre a depressed failure of a male? suffering from addiction? loneliness? low self esteem? i'm sorry. it must be rough. you should let me take control of your life. sorry i mean you should become my wife. sorry i mean you should take control of your life.
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how do i deal with gender dysphoria? every time i have sex with a trans girl i steal a little bit of their essence and i temporarily live vicariously through them. i'm like a vampire.
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i just got back from the "kitten cafe." very disappointed as there were no cats there. our waitress (short girl with bright pink hair, wearing cat ears, chains) just kept asking "are u mad at me" and "do u hate me" instead of taking our orders. 1/5 stars. will not be coming back.
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can you put your feet on the cam wait, you don't have feet what do you- oh. paws. i'm so sorry fuck. i'm still getting used to it i'm sorry. yes i know this is the 8th time i've done this please just forgive me just this onc- *discord leave call sfx*.
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petplay is so fucking goofy awee good puppy. you deserve a treat! just kidding its my Cock you fucking queer lolol does anyone want to this does anyone wan.
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"we saw you from across the bar and we were wondering if you needed a valorant carry"
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"ok so imagine a burger". me: ok (actually starts imagining two emo boys kissing).
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