Lily Du, 杜莉丽
@LilyD
Followers
31,098
Following
1,105
Media
305
Statuses
3,768
🐍 Comedian, host of @DirtyLaundryDO 🐍 Prev: CollegeHumor, UCBTNY 🐍 🐍
LA
Joined May 2008
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Pinned Tweet
you’re not in your “slut era” you’re in your “posting a thirst trap on social media to give you a small hit of dopamine because you’re depressed era”
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if i had two million followers i simply would not repost misinformation blaming people without water or electricity for getting themselves genocided and say “sorry i was high” when i delete it later but maybe that’s just me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Nobody:
White people: I used to be blonde as a kid, like platinum blonde, and then it just went away as I got older.
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Gamechanger gave me an ergonomic desk chair and also my dream job. My only regret is having a UTI for all of season one
#EmmyforGamechanger
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As a suburban teen in Maryland I was deeply online and watched a ton of collegehumor vids and knew the names of all the employees and read their tumblrs and watched their flagpole sitta office lip dub a hundred times and TODAY? I host my own show on
@dropout
!!!
Happy five years!
Dropout is turning 5! 🎉
To celebrate, we're doing away with the name CollegeHumor. 🪓
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googling “characters + [MY HAIRSTYLE]” and seeing what’s in my closet hasn’t failed me yet
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im finally unlocked and I hope Elon musk comes to my house and kills me
#emmyforgamechanger
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it is actually much easier to not post than to post. Common misconception.
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I used to post my outfits on tumblr in college and I gotta say.... some of them really slapped
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I have the best job in the world
💅Fans of
@RuPaulsDragRace
- tonight's Dirty Laundry is for you!
Out now on
@dropout
, join host
@LilyD
& bartender
@GrantOB
as they welcome
@katya_zamo
,
@jujuboston
,
@Alaska5000
, and
@monetxchange
as they share secrets and more...
▶️Watch here:
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I was laid off at collegehumor today along with my talented funny coworkers. It was truly a dream job. ✌️
Anyways, if you wanna hire me: I'm a comedic writer/performer and I'll dye my hair whatever color you need. 👩🎤
Here's all the vids I wrote at CH:
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I’m sorry
@marcmaron
please come on the show and let me apologize
@DirtyLaundryDO
@LilyD
I was doing a club in Austin for no crowd. The director Barbara Kopple was in town shooting a commercial. She was 1 of 12 people there. After, she asked me if I did commercials. said no I can’t promote things I don’t believe in. She said it’s for Sprint. I said I have Sprint.
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Annual reminder CA pays prisoners $1/hr to fight our fires but when prisoners are released they can’t vote and their sentence counts against them for potential jobs and housing. Modern day slavery
HAPPENING NOW: Inmate fire crews have arrived to assist in building containment lines around
#SepulvedaFire
on east side of 405 Freeway near Bel Air. No active flames burning; no homes evacuated. | UPDATES on
@ABC7
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One of the first contract things i learned!!! No signing away your image in perpetuity!
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I had the time of my life on
@dropout
thousandaires, i cannot wait for this trailer drop
This week on Dropout:
🎬M:
@GameChangerSam
BTS
🏈Tu:
@DontLaughNews
w/ Jess Ross,
@ozzymo
,
@agbeardsley
, & Ruha Taslimi
😱W:
@dimension20show
Fantasy High Junior Year Ep. 17
🥳Th: Adventuring Party
🙏F:
@VIPeopleShow
w/
@rossbryant
&
@rashawnscott
💰F: Thousandaires Trailer
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sharing this email is the most vulnerable thing I've ever done
Lily wrote a mean email to
@marcmaron
in middle school...and you really need to hear what she wrote
#DirtyLaundry
(
@LilyD
)
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the moral is don’t trust any online media personalities.
Except me, obviously you can trust me.
When you see me kissing someone other than my husband actually that’s my husband in a wig and foundation
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Tomorrow’s the season 3 finale of
@DirtyLaundryDO
.
Tell me your favorite S3 moment and I’ll pick one of you to win a $25 dropout store gift card.
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Are you ready for your new favorite episode??? 🥂
🍾TONIGHT!
🥂A new Dirty Laundry launches on
@dropout
at 7pm Eastern
Featuring host
@LilyD
, bartender
@GrantOB
, and guests:
🥃
@VoiceOfOBrien
🍹
@sweeetanj
🍸
@samriegel
🍷
@quiddie
#DirtyLaundry
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Producers are the real villains. not me, an angel 😇
🍾TONIGHT!🍾
A new Dirty Laundry launches on
@dropout
at 7pm ET / 4pm PT
Featuring host
@LilyD
, bartender
@GrantOB
, and guests:
🍸
@Persephiroth
🍷
@johnnystantoniv
🍹
@MicaBurton
🥃
@matthewmercer
#DirtyLaundry
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Sam Reich, try as you might, YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME!!!!!!
Get ready for the trailer for Battle Royale: ⚔️Old Guard vs. New Blood🩸
The 4-episode event series premieres April 3rd on
@dropout
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Spending the holidays with my mom- i am a mental fortress. Hollywood cannot break me because i have already fought 34 tours of watching my mom be racist at the mall.
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filming Thousandaires is the most fun I've ever had in my life I thought I was gonna pass out from laughing. I can't wait for u all to watch!!!!
🎦Now presenting: the trailer for Dropout's new show 'Thousandaires'!
🗣️Premiering May 31st - only on
@dropout
💸👑
#Thousandaires
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filling out the cutesy survey from our wedding planner and she's asking "what's the happiest moment in [my] life to date?" which I've always said is the abortion I had at 19 and the sense of body autonomy it gave me.....
Should I lie and just say when I got a puppy?
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I can only describe the 2nd layer as being like this:
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incredibly brave of me, a 31yo woman with ADHD and zero hand-eye-coordination, to learn how to drive for the first time
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🤔
🚨A new episode of Game Changer is out now on
@dropout
!
Join
@samreich
as he invites
@KatieMarovitch
,
@BrennanLM
, and
@ChestangRaphael
to play bingo (with a twist!)
#GameChanger
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love the trap of ppl building an online presence in hopes it leads to a job, then ending up w 20k followers with none of the job security but all the public accountability
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🍸FRESH NEW SEASON THREE TRAILER COME AND GET IT 🍸
🥂Everyone please take a big ol' sip of your drink - a new season of Dirty Laundry premieres on
@dropout
Sept. 12th!
🧦Featuring host
@LilyD
, bartender
@GrantOB
, and more secrets and drinks than you can handle
🤫
#DirtyLaundry
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On this episode i share the most embarrassing secret i have ever shared in my LIFE!!!!
Do not screengrab. Do not type it out. People should have to pay $5.99 (or 59.99 for the year) to hear it!!!!
There's a new Dirty Laundry out now on
@dropout
!
Join
@LilyD
,
@GrantOB
, and guests Kendahl Landreth,
@michaelhenry915
,
@sarahschauer
, &
@DylanAdler6
for an evening full of secrets about Anne Hathaway, bathroom shenanigans, and faceplanting
▶️Watch here:
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lamenting how it’s been so long since I’ve had the small pleasure of watching a really hot guy be absolutely dogshit at improv comedy
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Why did I idealize this office of 100% white people so much??? Why did I read Gawker when I was in middle school??? Why did I know who Julia Allison was? Why did I cry in my job interview with Sam and Mike to be a CH (RIP) cast member?? The universe is full of mysteries.
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we've political rhetoric'd abortions into word soup mumbo jumbo about elections and hashtags when it's really quite simple.
I had an abortion when I was 20 and it was my choice. Other women should have the dignity of making the same choice without endangerment.
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Everybody use this gif all the time now please
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boyfriend made me go to the KITCHEN to use a UTENSIL to cut up my banana instead of taking little bites and spitting it back into my oatmeal in chunks? Wow. The patriarchy at work.
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MY CHINESE MOM: I saw EEAAO and I understood all of it
ME: I guarantee you didn't
MOM: Yes I did. You see, she was in trouble with the IRS because she needed receipts for all her small business expenses and the thing about the IRS is [continues to explain taxes to me for 5 min]
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Clips of
@IfyNwadiwe
annoying me in S1 of
@DirtyLaundryDO
in anticipation of tomorrows new episode 🥂
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producers not fact-checking me is somehow... a hate crime
🥂Today's all-new Dirty Laundry is now on
@dropout
!
Featuring
@LilyD
,
@GrantOB
,
@yourfriendLilan
,
@deemakes
,
@dhruvudaysingh
, and
@TheFumiAbe
!
Watch here ▶️
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calling my boyfriend my husband to be quirky, and calling my husband my ex-husband to be funny, and calling my ex-husband every day asking where did things go wrong
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u should have to pay $600 a month to even THINK about me!!!!!!!!!
⚔️BATTLE ROYALE: SEASON FINALE⚔️
➿More challenges. More twists. More shocking the guest judges.
🔥Now out on
@dropout
- with
@samreich
,
@LaganjaEstranja
, [redacted],
@agbeardsley
,
@tyang
,
@LilyD
,
@JacobWysocki
,
@vicmmic
, &
@rosabelland
▶️Watch here:
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Every commercial audition:
"Okay your lines are 'AWOOGA the new Chrysler pacifica is one hot ROD I wanna ride ALL day long. Power wash these seats daddy bc im gonna cum all over them'
but be as grounded as possible. Remember, SINCERITY is key"
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Reminder that like many illustrious Asians in the arts, i am also Canadian, and will not be marrying any of you bc im a huge bitch
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THATS A TRAMP
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Do i beat these nerds????? Find out tomorrow
This week:
🤠Mon:
@GameChangerSam
w/
@vicmmic
,
@JacobWysocki
, & Lou Wilson
☝️Tue:
@UmActuallyShow
w/
@JustAddSaltz
,
@LilyD
, &
@MikeWTrapp
🐀Wed:
@dimension20show
Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 10
🥳Thu: Adventuring Party
🎬Fri:
@VIPeopleShow
Last Looks w/
@tamarlevine
& Alex Perrone
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please do NOT check in on your Asian friends if your Asian friend is me
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The trailer for Dirty Laundry is out now! I can't wait for you all to learn the terrible things
@KatieMarovitch
has done!!!
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Have you checked out the hottest new site on the web?
where you can hire my talented former coworkers who were laid off last week 😽🥰
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The movie CATS except it’s with possums and it’s called POSSUMS
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once I get my driver's license tomorrow it's game over (bc I will be dead from crashing my car)
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The finale to D20: Tiny Heist is out today and I’m so glad I got to go on this adventure with you guys and
@JustinMcElroy
@griffinmcelroy
@travismcelroy
@DocCurm
, Jess Ross and
@BrennanLM
💣
I wouldn’t change a thing except I’d eat the tiny mushroom man.
@dropout
It's an appropriately wild, unpredictable end to a wild and unpredictable season. You're gonna love it.
Special thanks to
@JustinMcElroy
@DocCurm
@travismcelroy
@griffinmcelroy
@LilyD
and Jess Ross for embodying these thieves with tiny bodies but big hearts. 💕
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Much like Simone Biles, I must put my mental health first, before my sport. For that reason, I must respectfully bow out of this unpaid 11pm zoom improv show.
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ate shit so hard in my first pottery class that I'm looking at all my mugs with newfound awe and respect
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@chrizmillr
@philiplord
@VDOOZER
@erivinoja
*yelling into the void* this is former CollegeHumor head writer
@MikeWTrapp
's favorite show and a dream job for him.
The animated fucked-up history show he made, WTF 101 is a perfect sample for this
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happy lay-off-iversary to my
@CollegeHumor
friends. Who knew the real gift would be filing for unemployment before covid hit?
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twitter is a great site for projecting all your childhood trauma into a stranger’s dumb tweet
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short thread of my packets in the hope it helps literally anyone trying to break into this difficult industry.
Here's my S*L packet that got me an interview this year:
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I’m Lily Du and u might know me from 💫 ur sweet dreams💫
🚨TONIGHT!🚨
Episode 1 of our 4-episode event miniseries: ⚔️BATTLE ROYALE⚔️ launches on
@dropout
at 7pm ET / 4pm PT
Featuring:
@agbeardsley
@tyang209
@LilyD
@rekhalshankar
@adamconover
@IfyNwadiwe
@JacobWysocki
@vicmmic
@scrambieggs
@rosabelland
Hosted by
@samreich
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another pride goes by and I’m still straight. fucked up and wrong of me. hateful, even.
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the rails? we are off them
The season 3 premiere of Dirty Laundry is now out on
@dropout
!
Join
@LilyD
,
@GrantOB
,
@ZacOyama
,
@agbeardsley
,
@KatieMarovitch
, and
@patrickmcd0nald
for one of the rowdiest and most off-the-rails episodes we've ever had!
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In an ironic turn of events the last
@CollegeHumor
Original video we ever filmed is a sketch I wrote where we get an office paypig.
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Truly a low priority issue but if UCB reopens: Performers, I implore you to stand together and to refuse to perform on house teams until the theater offers to pay coaches (AT A MINIMUM). It's such a clear barrier of racial and class access to stage time when u have to pay to play
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would it be helpful to comedy writers if I posted my sketch packet that got me an interview for the big sketch show? (Y/N)
I hate the opaqueness of the process
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talking to my mom is like Chinese water torture but worse— both are Chinese but water torture stops when you cough up state secrets whereas my mom never stops telling you about property value in Potomac
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To people bashing UCB today: it was a flawed institution and you might be a wonderful+funny+kind person outside of this, but I have seen a lot of you do improv and a lot of you are just not good at improv
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Sam in his evil puppet-master era
🪄GAME CHANGER SEASON 6 TRAILER✨
Join
@samreich
on another journey into the unknown - starting February 12th, 2024, only on
@dropout
#GameChanger
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I’m SCREAMING!!! we have so many incredible guests this season and the craziest stories 🥂🥂🥂 cheers!!!
🍸Get your drinks ready, a new season of Dirty Laundry is arriving on
@dropout
starting December 6th
🧦Featuring host
@LilyD
, bartender
@GrantOB
, and a lot of secrets...
🤫
#DirtyLaundry
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every time Im on twitter I want to write some nasty lil response that will get me fired, then I remember I don't have a job :)))) only god can fire me from this mortal realm
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Walking out of a much-hyped, much-lauded, high-expectation movie to agree with all my friends that it was just okay? THAT’s the beauty of friendship.
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A haiku:
I wanted to eat
The small tasty mushroom man
But I am thwarted
meet Fun Gus - a sentient (and edible) mushroom-man who really really needs to stay away from
@LilyD
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absolutely desperate to get drunk and get 43 points in bowling after throwing eight gutter balls
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the problem w using identity as a virtue signal while ignoring class is ppl get to be like "we're a small women-owned business" and its a warehouse-sized candle shop in Silverlake paid for w a trust fund
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this horse is doing a number on my google alerts and i'm gonna have to challenge it for my name and my honor
Impressive debut by LILY DU BERLAIS as the daughter of SHIROCCO (pic) wins the bumper
@PerthRacecourse
by an easy six lengths 🏆 Owned & trained by
@crawford_bros
, the 5YO mare was bred by JL Lightfoot 👏🏼
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a family can look like anything 🥰🥰🥰
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Can’t wait to book my dream role once quarantine is over: the new Asian girlfriend of the white protagonist’s shitty ex
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knowing dull family shit like “my great great grandpa was the first hatmaker in Indiana” is for white ppl.
having your parents never mention family history bc it’s too awash with trauma and they don’t think it’s important? That’s for 2nd-gen Asian kids ☺️
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I wrote this episode of
@DontLaughNews
and it is my masterpiece and
@GrantOB
is my humiliation-kink Mona Lisa
🔥TONIGHT!🔥
A new episode of Breaking News launches on
@dropout
at 7pm Eastern / 4pm Pacific
Featuring
@GrantOB
,
@ozzymo
,
@rashawnscott
, and
@Jiavani
...and one extremely hot chip
Don't miss it... 🥵
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normalize roasting the hell out of ppl who think they’ll marry someone they have a parasocial relationship with
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uh-oh it's time for my "no frivolous spending in 2023 but it doesn't count if I buy it quickly before midnight drunk and high on mushrooms" packages to start rolling in
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who wore it better??
🚨TONIGHT!
A new Dirty Laundry launches on
@dropout
at 7pm ET / 4pm PT
Featuring host
@LilyD
, bartender
@GrantOB
, and guests:
🍸
@FionaNova
🍹
@kassemg
🥃
@nessguerrero
🍷
@MissGinaDarling
#DirtyLaundry
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need a place to dump your rancid little opinions and lukewarm takes? try: A SPOUSE
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my favorite story I've ever heard is in this episode, PLEASE WATCH
🚨TONIGHT!🚨
An all-new Dirty Laundry launches on Dropout (
@dropout
) at 7pm ET / 4pm PT, with host
@LilyD
, bartender
@GrantOB
, and guests:
🍸
@MythicalChef
🍹
@vianaiaustin
🍷
@ChaseHilt
🥂
@jordanmyr1ck
#DirtyLaundry
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Do I get a belly button ring or do I accept the fact that I'm 30 with grace?
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