Nupur Pai | Chews Wisely
@LifeOfPai_
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Following
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•Screenwriter: Modern Love Mumbai, Little Things •CRED Ads •Ex-AIB
Mumbai, India
Joined July 2011
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Anywhere in the country, when cops take the accused to court, they walk holding hands as though they're in a relationship-
@manujosephsan
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Tweet like nobody's reading. because nobody's reading.
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Refused to give my window seat to a kid in the train.
Ending the year right.
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Hit like if you want the heart icon to turn red when you tap it.
Colourblind peeps, don’t bother.
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Can't quit my job because I won't have a place that collects all my
#aliexpress
deliveries anymore.
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My food delivery guy knows exactly what he means to me.
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If Hritik Roshan asked for a lift on the street, would 2 cars stop for him?
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Funny how doing nothing in public is suspicious unless you’re fiddling with your phone/smoking/reading, etc.
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The mind has a mind of its own. And even that mind has a mind of its own. The mind is a
#Cabbage
.
#ThereISaidIt
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That awkward moment when you realise you’re humming the song that your catcaller sang to you earlier today.
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You need to know the difference between friday and fried egg.you can have fried egg on a friday or on a frying pan,infact even on a thursday
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Studio guy: Why you study so much to earn so less? Me: Passion hai. Studio guy: Passion se ghar ka ration nai aata.
#ElevatorConversations
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Life must be hard for an atheist preying mantis. They can't even spell!
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Having the awesomest hair day ever. I think I'm going to trip myself so when people turn around to laugh, they'll notice the godly-locks!
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Fake crying is easy. The real actors are those who can fake hiccups.
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Some things are best left to themselves. Like a spider crawling up the shoulder of a woman sitting before you. Just smile n be amused.
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Frog who only eats moths: Moth! Jeene ke liye zaroori hai ye.
Moth! Kaise ban gayi majboori hai ye.
#LuckyAli
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Opinions are like nipples, everybody has two. Some have firm points, some are barely discernable through layers.Cats have five -David Thorne
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Put the blame on Akon. Shaggy already said it wasn't him.
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#FirstDay
at work. Time to pretend to be nervous and run into glass doors to fit in with other newbies :)
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Every man looks like an 80's pornstar ths
#Movember
.I mean I'm ASSUMING that's what their mustache must look like. No way I'd know for sure
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@vrajeshhirjee
aah. interesting. I absolutely loved the adapt. It was perfect! And you were just brilliant.
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I don't know what's worse. Me taking naps in the washroom at work, or my collegues thinking I might be pooping in there.
#toilethumour
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Oh shush haters! Ganpati unites us all. In traffic jams. :)
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Killed a spider. Saw wife/gay partner, squished it too. Let baby spidey live to avenge his family's death someday. I like that kinda drama.
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The & symbol that's short for 'and' is called Ampersand. Yes, I'll take that drink now.
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She's got her father's eyes and her mother's nose- Crime investigator on opening the freezer in her garage.
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If you're happy and you know it, stfu. No one wants that hostile work environment around here.
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It might be a monday of re-evaluating life decisions, but atleast you aren't color co-ordinating with aunties this
#Navratri
. It's all good.
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This man fucking inspires me. "
@OnlyBabaSehgal
: what do u say when u notice a pizza fallen on the ground, right in front of you. Pizza Hut"
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#PepTalk
from a friend- Woh singer hai na Abhijeet? Uska transplanted hair bhi gir gaya. We have fewer problems.
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Drag and drop- Computer softwares' pro tip on disposing corpses.
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#FirstDayAtWork
! For real this time. I think I'm going to quote
#PulpFiction
everytime someone asks me a question today.
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So I saw a white guy, a black guy and an Indian guy talking under a tree today. It looked like the beginning of a joke.
#MildlyRacistMe
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Tweet like no one's reading. Because no one is reading.
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When peeping tom neighbour leans at your window and asks 'what's your hobby', tell him you like to draw. Then draw the curtains.
#hehe
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My cool friends on facebook have gone to goa.Their status reads-GOAAAAAAA!!! Ok,I'm going back to watching who malika picked on bachelorette
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Anyway, all of this mutual dislike for
#NewGuyAtWork
has really got me bonding with my co-workers. They are nice and bitter people.
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#ItsSadWhen
you ask your friend if he knows who Soulja boy is and he says, "Soldier Boy na, that Bobby Deol
#re
"
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She beat him at
#MortalKombat
.He joked about how she should get a haircut at the men's barber shop,but went home and cried like a bitch baby
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It's nights like these when I'm troubled by the mysteries of life and universe that I wonder- Where on earth is Devang Patel these days?
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PC: Why be on the red carpet when you can be in it.
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Old lady beside me in the train asks me to lower my music volume. Puts my earplug in her ear and gets exposed to
#YoYoHoneySingh
. Good deed.
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Patriotic song playing in my building - East or West Yo! India is the best.
#HappyBirthdayIndia
#Yo
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#Train
Aunty1-*Screaming*Baal aage lo tum.Tumhara baal mere mu me ja raha hai. Aunty2-Chilao Mat tum.Tumhara aawaz mere kaan me ja raha hai.
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What's the similarity between a
#whatsapp
group and a hot ex?Both get interesting after u walk out.Then u have to beg them to take you back
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My car is having a particularly difficult day. It broke down in the middle of the street.
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It's 22:00 in the pm and
#FirstDayAtWork
just got done. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go have a heart attack.
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That one neighbour who makes your rangoli look like a 4th std kid's squiggle.
#HatefulTalentedAunty
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#NewGuyAtWork
wants to change how things work around here. Looks like
#NewGuyAtWork
won't make it long enough to become the old guy at work.
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#SchoolDays
Fruit Beer: Didn't taste anything like fruit and had nothing on beer. The only high- Bragging rights.
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*School for the sick and dying children*
Teacher to students: What do you want to be if you grow up?
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#MyGhostlyAffair
Trying to avoid people on whatsapp but the 'last seen at' function being a dead give-away.
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The sole purpose of these kiddy
#RealityShows
is to remind our folks of the mighty disappointment we are as kids.
#IndianIdolJunior
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#FirstDay
Of Job Training- Played paper tower building game and got served free paneer and chicken masala for lunch. Nothing much, you know.
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Is there a word for that uncomfortable feeling you get when you sit on a seat that's still warm from someone else's bum? Asking for a friend
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