tara_writes_a_bit on insta.

I think if I hold out for one more week Hello Fresh will literally come to my door and cook all their food for free for the next 5 years.

Damn, I need exercise. Sorry, an EXORCISM. I need an exorcism.

The Zara website is truly ridiculous. I’m trying to see pants and they’re like “Wait— have you ever contemplated death in a hazy meadow”.

Nothing prepares you for the deep lunge your baby takes when you’re trying to air out a diaper rash.

I actually like my boobs MORE after breastfeeding. They have a lot more character. It’s a character played by Droopy Von UnevenNips, but still.

Bury me in one of my many pink bubble wrap Glossier bags.

The first person to discover popcorn must’ve thought they were losing their absolute fucking mind.

Me in my 20’s: *using sulfuric acid to strip oil out of my pores* ugh so shinyyyy. Me in my 30’s: *violently shoving moisturizer into every pore* plz shiny plz.

Yayayayay!! My fellow soup-aficionado and Twitter friend @Audrey_Burges wrote a FREAKING NOVEL!! Get it now!!

RT @LawJSharma: Okay @Monkeypaw and @JordanPeele…hear me out. #M33GAN

Honorable mention to Denmark, for being able to yell and look bored at the same time.

RT @MKrishnaRogers: folks, I’ve figured out why he looks so familiar

My baby scratches the wall and giggles when I change his diaper and it just occurred to me what a deeply creepy experience that must be for our neighbors.

Pronouncing Nudity like Crudités.

Turns out she probably would’ve taken these tips back after.

RT @LilyMeade: This is very much a casual boost, but I’m negative $40 on my PayPal and we still have a bunch of bills left this month so if….

RT @duty2warn: Elon Musk is deleting accounts that post this video of him being booed for 10 minutes last night at a Dave Chapelle show. He….

RT @mehdirhasan: A reminder: America has no higher minimum wage, no extended child tax credits, and no voting rights protections because of….

RT @theemoneyplug: If you have an Amazon package delivered starting 7 December, go to your Alexa and say, “Alexa, thank my driver.”. They g….

When my meetings get cancelled