He claimed he threw the ball but there was no ball.

FYI, next time you want to make chocolate milk, use cocoa powder and pure maple syrup instead of sugar or nestles. You'll thank me.

https://t.co/cpk0sQgJqa

I spat my tea out watching this Antique Roadshow repeat. 🤣😂🤭

Your chances of being attacked by a squirrel are typically very low but never zero. 🐿

Me getting an oil change when asked if I want synthetic oil, new tires, or any other service.

I have a kitchen full of food but I really don't feel like cooking or making a mess. Someone bring me a burrito and rum.

I have today off from work. Really all I have to do is a load of laundry and a tiny dust and vacuum. I don't know what else to do with my day. I should probably do drugs and watch movies while I try to convince my girlfriend to send me nude pics at work.

Antisemitism is getting weird.

They were into it , then the SCREAM!

This squirrel is living their best life!

Good morning to all Frenns ⚡️🙋🏼‍♂️⚡️

I dislike you asshats that post encyclopedia length posts. I'm not reading all of that and I doubt most will. Tweets should be short. Save your fn essay for class.

The good news is after dealing with 3 shit skins who claimed they couldn't refund me I finally got an English speaker who did refund me. Fuck Uber regardless. All they hire are shit skins and criminals.

I'm fucking tired of shit skin scammers and incompetent sacks of brown excrement in every fn position that requires English and an IQ above 3.

Fn Uber eats. Tried to order groceries. Guadalupe couldn't understand English so she could do the only job her illegal no belonging ass could do so I had to cancel. Punjabi customer service fuck tried to make me cancel the order so it would charge me and I said no so he cancelled

80s chicks with the big hair were hot, but you know when the hairspray dies she's gonna be ugly again.

This isn't a slam against Asians but what the fuck is with them and gambling?

I'm not gay and not until these bitches and Jean Claude flagging. I will say this though: Chuck Norris

Am I bad for wanting an illegal immigrant to attempt shit for the sole purpose of wanting to do all the evil things they claim I would do if given the opportunity? Yes, it's true. I really would torture you just to prove a point.