Mark Kermode
@KermodeMovie
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Moved on due to the vile stench of Musk.
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Joined February 2010
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Thirty years ago today, I punched so far above my weight that my feet still haven’t touched the ground.
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Late to this I know, but ...
Last night, I finished THE WIRE.
I don't think things will ever be the same again.
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I just got a call from GBNews asking if I would go to talk about …
That’s as far as they got - I told them I wouldn’t go on GBeebies if my life depended on it.
Do they honestly not do ANY research at all?
Jesus wept.
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Watched TIME. Bloody hell. If
@stephengraham73
and Sean Bean don't get major awards recognition I will be amazed. Some of the most brilliantly low-key show-don't-tell performances in memory. Superb stuff. Overwhelming.
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To the many people asking “Why don’t you just stick to film reviews?”, my answer would be; “Why don’t you just stick to [insert your own profession which probably doesn’t include being an alt-right apologist on Twitter here]. That should save us all some time.
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A quick reminder that Rupert Murdoch, whose news organisations have done more than anyone to push whacko anti-vaccine conspiracy theories, was one of the first to get vaccinated.
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The unspeakable backing the unelectable. F**k off both of you, you sneering privileged knobheads.
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A reminder that the phrase 'Hasta la vista baby' was immortalised in T2 by a cyborg that willingly sacrifices itself for the good of everyone else, thus displaying more humanity and compassion than our outgoing narcissist-in-chief could ever muster.
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In the past few weeks I have:
1) Thrown out all my Morrissey records.
2) Stopped reading or listening to anything Trump says.
Both have made me feel much better.
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Dear Europe. Just a reminder that UK is ruled by Democracy, Law and Parliament and not by some autocratic man-baby and his gang of overprivileged reclining goons. So, the first letter is from us, and matters; the second is from them, and doesn't. Hope that clears it up. Thanks!
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Very proud that Daily Mail TV critic Christopher Stevens has maintained his unbroken run of absolutely hating every episode of SECRETS OF CINEMA. Chris found night's Brit Comedy ep "laboured and ham-fisted". Excellent! This "waffling film critic" takes that as a huge compliment!
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Huge congrats to Putin's Poodle, Nepotism Barbie, Cokey Flop-Sweat Ken and The Spare for destroying the GOP in an orgy of crime-family-backed losing. The Trump brand is now so toxic it should be listed as a chemical weapon. Now f
#ck
off back to your golden toilets you assholes.
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Just a quick Friday reminder that the UK and the US are now both being run by co-dependent multimillionaire bullies with stupid hair and foul mouths who think they are above the law and know exactly how to whip up violent hatred and division for their own venal profit.
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Watching Barry Norman review films was a pleasure, an education, and an inspiration. Wit, knowledge & wry enthusiasm. He was the Master.
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Today, my mum's best friend took a fall as we were walking. The NHS sent an ambulance crew who were great, followed by a specialist team who were dedicated, caring, reassuring, and super-skilled. I am so proud to live in a country with a superb National Health Service. Thankyou!
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Dear 'anyone-who-just-came-for-the-movie-stuff-and-doesn't-want-all-this-political-stuff-thankyou-very-much'; Please unfollow me and go find someone else to tell you what's on at the flicks. It'll make us both SO much happier.
Thanks!
PS: Trump supporters: go directly to Hell.
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In a remarkable vote of confidence, the BBC have decided that 'the impact of SECRETS OF CINEMA means audiences should have the chance to discover or rewatch it for a much longer period'. So ... it'll be held on
@BBCiPlayer
for a year! Watch it here:
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Congratulations you tiny-handed ferret-wearing Cheeto-faced facist-inciting insurrectionist shit-gibbon - you just became the MOST impeached president in US history. Twice. TWICE! The stench of this will follow you and your vile crime family forever. Hurrah!
Now fuck right off.
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Hard not to conclude that MGM/Eon fumbled the chance for some Tenet-style "Bond Saves Cinema" headlines, making way for the altogether less inspiring "Bond abandons/betrays/kills cinema" coverage they're now getting. Licenced to shoot themselves in the foot.
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Thankyou for all the lovely birthday messages. You've made an old man very happy. Cheers x
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Been interesting hearing from outraged Morrissey fans. Good heavens, what a load of sanctimonious, humourless, preachy, self-pitying whingebags they are! It's almost as if ... oh, hang on.
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First Christopher Stevens in the Daily Mail, now Garry Bushell in The Star - the new series of SECRETS OF CINEMA really is pissing of all the right people. So proud!
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A cinema without a projectionist is not a cinema; it is a sweet-shop with a video screen.
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Only one more sleep till the tiny-handed ferret-wearing fascist-inciting insurrectionist cheeto-faced shit-gibbon is consigned to the golden toilet of history. Endless legal-woes and financial ruin lie ahead for him and his vile nepotistic crime family. Huzzah! Roll on tomorrow!
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So, to recap:
1) Trump believes Putin
2) Trump believes Kim Jong-un
3) Trump DOESNT believe US Intelligence, the media, scientists, hard evidence, his own lawyers, his own recorded voice, real doctors, history, climate-change, facts, Congress, the popular vote, photographs ...
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@laurenlaverne
1. You rule
2. Everyone I know agrees that you rule.
3. Anyone else can f
@ck
right off.
I think that covers it. X
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To recap, Trump;
1. Salutes North Korea & drools over dictator.
2. Starts trade war with allies
3. Rips children from families
4. Prioritises gun lobby over school kids
5. Defends neo-Nazis
6. Evades tax
7. Pollutes world
8. Lies
9. Cheats
10 Gropes
.. & then bleats & whines!
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People I never want to hear from again:
1) Irate Joker fanboys.
2) Irate Tarantino fanboys.
3) Irate Star Wars fanboys.
Thanks!
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Yes, that's right, I am now officially a character in the Beano.
Life. Goal. Achieved.
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To make it easier for everyone who wants to be a whiny ass, here's a handy cut-and-paste complaint, with pre-attached reply
"I come here for film reviews not politics. Stick to your job Kermode."
"No."
Now we can all get on with our day. X
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So - the deadly venality of Trump has been laid bare for all to see, with minute by minute video evidence of the murderous results of his words and actions.
Remember the names of all the Republicans who now vote to acquit him - they are enablers of fascism. It's that simple.
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I know I promised to stop reading the btl comments on my
@ObsNewReview
reviews, but good lord, the cesspit of whingebagging closet-racist asshats who consider it their duty to pass judgement on David Copperfield's inclusive casting has left me longing for Star Wars nerds
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My
@kermodeandmayo
review of Michael Flatley’s BLACKBIRD - one of the worst films I have ever seen, and remember, I’ve seen Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars.
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Getting REALLY tired of people whingeing about "spoilers" when they mean "basic description of a film's plot set-up". Constantly moaning about spoilers has become the laziest of modern pastimes. If you want to know nothing, don't read reviews.
#shesaguyhesaghostitsasledge
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Just re-watched LA HAINE, which gets a 25th anniversary rerelease next week. I'd forgotten just how tender, funny and affectionate it is - all of which makes the tragedy more powerful. Even more relevant today than it was in '95.
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On a night in which a US President fraudulently called elections a fraud, declared victory where there is none, and demanded that legitimate votes not be counted, huge congrats to
@KattyKay_
and
@afneil
for reminding us that good journalism is the root of all democracy. Bravo!
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"And then Nepotism Barbie, Cokey Flop-Sweat Ken and The Spare realised that their all their magic powers had suddenly disappeared. And they were very sad. And a little bit scared. The End"
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So, to recap: May and Corbyn both got whipped by voters who abandoned their doublespeak in favour of parties clearly supporting a Second Referendum. And the message these twin toadies took from that vote? 'We must get on with Brexit'.
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Dr Audrey Edwina Kermode
1.11.1933-27.5.2020
Much loved, much missed, by family, friends, colleagues and patients alike.
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Hilarious! Blojo cut his holiday short only to discover that he’s still considered toxic by his own party. How will Chitty Chitty Bang Bang villain Jacob Rees-Mogg deal with having declared “Boris or Bust” so publicly. Presumably he’ll do the decent thing and resign immediately?
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Very proud to have been one of the thousands expressing their contempt for the ferret wearing cheeto faced shit gibbon's London visit today. I trust Scotland will give the tiny handed narcissistic groper in chief an equally warm welcome ...
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After 21 years (and as many drummers) the Flagship Film Show
@wittertainment
will make its final 5Live voyage on April 1st.
But like Tap, we’ll be back …
Stay tuned.
Long live Wittertainment!
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"I was raised in the Church of England. I can’t say I’m lapsed. You can’t really lapse if you’re an Anglican. You don’t lose your faith, you just can’t remember where you left it."
Genius. Pure, pure genius.
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Saying "Christopher Nolan's movies are a stupid person's idea of clever films" is essentially the stupid person's idea of a clever thing to say about Christopher Nolan's films.
Palindromic or what?
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And THAT, people, is how it’s done.
Brilliantly played by a radio giant.
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I cannot stress this enough - the best film currently playing in U.K. cinemas is NOBODY. Seriously.
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"I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought"
Never before did those words seem so appropriate.
Welcome to the end of days ...
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As my train passes it this morning, I shall wave at the new "off location" US Embassy (commissioned by ... Bush!) safe in the knowledge that it shall not be welcoming the cheeto-faced shit-gibbon after all. Hurrah!
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In other news, I have managed to avoid listening to anything by Morrissey for well over a year now, and not hearing his voice has really cheered me up.
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ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD:
1) Brilliant in parts
2) Boring in other parts
3) Refreshingly unexploitative
4) Depressingly undisciplined
5) Clearly made with passion
6) Clearly made without an editor
7) Loved the finale
8) Hated the Bruce Lee bit
9) Er ...
10) That's it!
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Just watched DES (late to this, I know) which has merely confirmed my long held belief that
@DanielMays9
is one of the most reliably brilliant performers of his generation.
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Clinical trials begin on Trump's "internal sunlight and bleach injection" cure.
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While everyone is complaining about how much ALL the critics HATED Don’t Look Up while audiences loved it, I’d just like to point out that I’m a critic and, er …. I rather liked it. My
@wittertainment
review from Dec 10 here:
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Dear
@realDonaldTrump
. You are a disgrace - to your office, your country, and indeed to civilization.
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Good to know that the Tiny Handed Ferret Wearing Pussy Grabbing Cheeto Faced Shit Gibbon can now add Witness Intimidation to his list of achievements, along with Bribery, Racism, Nepotism, Tax Evasion, Infidelity, Bullying, and playing kiss-ass with Putin, Kim, Erdogan, NRA etc.
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Dear suspended
@RealDonaldTrump
. You won't see this (because you're suspended) but just wanted to say Twitter is a much better place without you. You are a shitstain on democracy, and we're all delighted to see you Fuckovski forevever (& that goes for your whole evil fam). Bye!
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Jared Leto has never been the world's best actor.
In Morbius, he's not even the film's best Jared.
(we got there in the end)
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It’s lovely to think that more people watched Andrew Neil attempting to disappear into the puce-coloured wallpaper on Question Time as he tried to explain away accidentally setting up a far-right wingnut echo chamber than will ever watch said far-right wingnut echo chamber.
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Thanks for all the lovely birthday messages. I've been in screenings all day (including Midsommaaaaaargh!) but it's been lovely getting these tweets. Feels like I have a very wide circle of friends for which I am eternally grateful. You have all made an old fart feel young again
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Just a quick reminder to everyone that the Golden Globes are an embarrassment - an unofficial first round of the Oscars run by a bunch of unaccountable bozos whose favours are bought and sold in shameless fashion and whose influence is as inexplicable as it is irrelevant.
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I know he's a crypto-facist draft-dodging charity-scamming planet-destroying tiny-handed nepotistic racist fuckhead for whom fundamentalist Christians have sold their foul souls to the devil, but it's Trump's daily assaults upon the English language that really bother me.
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A reminder that ROCK AGAINST RACISM was formed in response to a racist onstage tirade by slowbrained blues plagiarist Eric ClappedOut in 1976.
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Damn, this is good! Positive! Inclusive! Joyous! I've never felt so wide awake at 2am!
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I'd forgotten how much I love INSIDE OUT. Best film of 2015 by a mile. What a joy!
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Haunted Victorian Pencil Jacob Rees Mogg says it's 'Boris or Bust'. So I'm assuming that when/if Boris fails to secure the leadership (because he's a lying liability who is currently under investigation for lying), JRM will be a man of his word and will f**k right off, pronto.
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It's official! The full version of THE FEAR OF GOD - the Exorcist doc that
@nickfreand
and I made 21 years ago, in 1998 - will be available for the first time on
@BBCiPlayer
from 10am on Halloween. ALL the major players interviewed. Very proud this is back, in all its glory.
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As always, I am proud to have spent my entire working life as a freelancer.
That is all.
PS Trump is evil.
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Just heard myself being impersonated on Dead Ringers on
@BBCRadio4
. Weird experience, not least because it sounded EXACTLY like me. Hats off to whoever did it. I feel I have arrived
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So, farewell then Nepotism Barbie, Cokey Flop-Sweat Ken and The Spare. May the rest of your miserable Village of the Damned lives be filled in equal measure with obscurity and irrelevance, interspersed with bouts of criminal prosecution.
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Wake up. Turn on radio. Hear what fresh raving madness the cheeto-faced shit-gibbon has committed since you went to sleep. Take a deep breath. Carry on. And repeat ...
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"And then the suave and talented film critic rushed in and bravely saved the day and everyone said Hurrah!"
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And, magnificently, we managed to piss off the Daily Mail critic (the one who said I watch too many films) AGAIN! Huzzah! Job done!
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So, farewell then, KERMODE UNCUT. These two old codgers made that vlog twice a week, for ten years! And we are both as proud as f**k of it! Thanks for watching!
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Oh dear.
How sad.
Never mind.
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Having been a film critic for over thirty years, I’m astonished - and a little bit impressed? - to say that I have just paid good money to watch the stupidest movie I have ever seen. And remember, I’ve seen Sharknado.
Full review tomorrow on
@wittertainment
.
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