Lady of house Snacks
@KKAlwaysSays
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Elegant as a MF. https://t.co/T5rth72l8y
New York, USA
Joined July 2018
Me doing laundry: -Pours detergent -Pours fabric softener -Switches machine on -Turns knob to large load <giggles> -start
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Americans would sell their first born for a booth and a restaurant
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Do you think centipedes have a bad horror movie called "The Centipede Human"?
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Deep dish pizza: for when you want to eat a casserole with your hands
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Whitney Houston sang the line "I believe the children are our future" in 1985 and those children are now in their 40s and refusing to be vaccinated.
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Car horns sound either like Colin Firth or Samuel L Jackson saying "excuse me", depending on how hard you press them.
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A think tank isn't a similar thing to a smart car, and this is why I find the English language confusing.
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Her: Reverse cowgirl is my favourite sexual position. Me: *not having a clue about anything other than missionary* Yeah, er, girl cow is my favourite position too.
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Bought a dog whistle a month ago. Stupid animal hasn't learnt to blow it yet.
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Luke Shaw's name sounds like an excitable sailor seeing land for the first time in a while.
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Took the road less travelled after telling the wife that we didn't need to stop and ask for directions.
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Happy Independence Day to all overgrown American children who are still living with their parents. You're in your thirties, FFS, it's time to get your own place.
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If Mr and Mrs Foolery fail to call their firstborn son Tom, he should be removed from their care.
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Hear me out. Contact Lens - a niche dating app for people who love men called Len.
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Some days are harder than others to prove you're not a robot.
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